An update about Lindsay Maureen Bower, the woman coping with progressive muscular atrophy, which is like a milder form of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (Lou Gehrig's disease).
You know, being disabled is the ultimate shits.
I haven't had a very easy time of it since being diagnosed with this crap I have (I have a neuromuscular disorder called PMA, or progressive muscular atrophy), but I have learned that even though what I have is serious enough, I still have it a lot better than a lot of people. I can expect to live 20 years or more; there are people I see at the MDA clinic that haven't a wing or a prayer on their side. Like for instance, little Johnny Sandusky, this kid with muscular dystrophy. He is only a kid, but he isn't expected to live two more years at the most; he has really gone downhill, as far as his health is concerned, but the little guy still always has a smile on his little puss; and frankly, I don't see how he can be so happy when he is dying; but he IS. And it drives me NUTS!
He doesn't have long to live; but I do, and I guess this is when I should look back and count my blessings, but I really don't believe in God. Oh, I know He exists and all (I see His Handiwork when I look about me; He made the trees, the sky, and the animals), but I just don't believe, and I don't go to church. I find church is a boring waste of time, and I really find it inconvenient, especially since I don't drive any more and have so much trouble trying to get around. I have my bad days and my good days, in terms of muscle strength and the ability to do things, and I think I would be more of a hindrance to people if I ask them to take me anywhere, so I just don't even bother going to church--or anywhere, really. I just stay at home, holed up in my room and feel sorry for myself, and I wish people would leave me the hell alone at times!
Yeah. Linday Maureen Bower (that's me) is having a bad day. Wanna' make something out of it?? I am having a bad day because I fell earlier, and I jarred my body quite badly. Right now, my body is screaming obscenities at me, and I am ready to join in with a few good "fucks" or "damnits" of my own. LOL I was going to the restroom, and I hooked my foot on the carpet--and down I went. The fact that my caretaker was at the store made it worse: I couldn't get to the phone to call for help, and all I could do was lie there on the ground like a g/d beached whale until my caretaker (my caretaker's name is Tracey) got home; and then when she saw me on the floor, she managed to scream at me and made me feel even worse. I don't know what her problem was, but she made me feel like a loser, and now I have been totally bummed out, you know??
THEN, if all THAT were not bad enough, I managed to piss myself again, and ever since, I have been cold. And I probably stank like a pee factory by the time my caretaker came home from the store.
I don't know why I have to have this PMA; it's made my life a living hell. I hate going to therapy each week (the therapists there MUST be linked to Al-Quaeda SOMEHOW; they terrorize my muscles!), and I HATE using a g/d wheelchair or a g/d cane; I keep stubbing my toes on the wall or I trip myself; or I run over my foot with the chair's wheels, and then my foot poofs up, and it looks BAD! LOOKS bad--hell, it HURTS even WORSE!! I also hate going to the MDA clinic; the docs there must think I am totally stupid; they act like I don't know a thing, and they are such jerks! I also hate dealing with sick people or seeing people who are worse off than me, like that little Johnny kid I mentioned earlier!
Well, my caretaker is going to help me into the bathtub, so I can soak my sore and bruised up body. HOPEFULLY, I'll get some RELIEF from this Godawful PAIN; it's gonna' kill me if I DON'T get some RELIEF!!!!!!!!!!!
A poignant story about letting go of a narcissist in your life. Have you ever been attacked FULL force by a narcissist? It's the closest thing to being stabbed over and over in the back.
