A bully writes an open letter to the kids he has harrassed over the years.
Dear Kids:
I know you may find it hard to accept this, this open letter of apology, from me, but I gotta' do it (my old man and my teachers and counselors have all been raggin' on me to do this, or I will be in worse trouble than I am in now at the present time). I have no choice in the matter in other words.
Because of all that I have done or said to you, I am now stuck here at Juvie Hall; and I will be here until I turn 18, which isn't for four more fuckin' years; and I don't know I can take four more years of this; it is HELL here, and I wouldn't wish my worst ENEMIES here! It's BADDDDDDDDD here, folks! I also have to learn to live with the memories of when I was such a fuckin' asshole, and live with the memories of what I have done to you, and I have to find the courage to apologize, which is what I am doing right now. So here goes nothing~
First of all, Johnny, Ronee', and all you other kids who are disabled~ I am so sorry I have even met you or even hurt you in the way I did. What I said or did was mean and inexcusable, and if you hate me or don't want to forgive me for all the hurtful or mean things/words I did/said to you, then I can understand. I never knew what you guys went through in trying to walk or see or hear or talk or any of that stuff; I guess it's coz I really never have been around handicapped people until I came to your school; and I really thought I was hot stuff, pickin' on you and making your lives miserable when all you were doing was just trying to survive. I didn't learn how to treat people right, and now I am payin' for my crimes here in Juvie Hall; and I have to live with the memories of makin' you cry. I am truly sorry, and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for all the bad and terrible things I said/did to you guys.
Secondly of all, I want to apologize to the fat kids, for picking on you for your size and your weight. I guess it's because I saw what being grossly overweight can do; being fat is what killed my Uncle Steve, and he didn't give a rat's ass about himself; all he did was eat and feel sorry for himself, and he ate himself to his grave; and I couldn't understand why he did this; but I guess it's coz he was depressed; and after his wife died and after his second wife left him, I guess he had nothin' better to do. You are not stupid, and you are NOT to be picked on; you are people too, and so WHAT if you may be "bigger": there's just more of you to like, and I guess I have to learn that being fat doesn't necessarily make you stupid. You are people too, and you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, not like some stupid buffoons to be made fun of!
Thirdly, I want to apologize to the really little kids, the ones in kindergarten or first grade. Just because I was a bigger kid and was a lot older than you didn't give me the right to swipe your lunches or coats or any of that stuff. All I did was show you how much of a jerk I was, and all I did was show how dumb that big kids can be. Just because you are bigger or older doesn't mean you necessarily know how to act because I showed you that I was stupid, and I showed you that I didn't care one iota about other people or their feelings. Now I am seen as a troublemaker, and then people wonder why I am so sad or don't have any friends; and people also wonder why I am now in Juvie Hall until I am eighteen for acting STUPID. Being STUPID was what got me here; and I can't do a damn thing about it until I turn eighteen, which isn't until five more years.
I have really been doin' a lot of heavy duty thinkin' and writin' here in Juvie Hall, and being here is definitely no picnic; it's kinda' like military school, but without the t.i.'s barkin' at you all the time; but still, there are people who treat you like shit here and they are always on our ass; and whooo boy, if you ever get caught...you DON'T want to know except to say that the punishment is NOT pretty! There are plenty of kids here; but a lot of them are older, and some of them scare the livin' hell outta' me. They look worse than thugs! Kids here get hurt or picked on by the older kids, and I am scared that I will get picked on or worse by these older kids! Some of them are really big, and they scare the hell outta' me!
What I wouldn't give to be back home with my old man or even moms or my brothers; I miss y'all so much, and I miss school, and I miss moms' good home cookin' and the old man's crazy country music playin' on the stereo! I also miss the little rugrats' pickin' on me or gettin' under my feet; this sleepin' in Juvie Hall with six other guys STINKS! And all of this was because I was stupid and acted like a total asshole; now I am learning that bad behavior only gets you in trouble, and it really doesn't get you anywhere. I am learning about all the bad things I did, and now I find it hard to sleep at night because of all the pain and bad memories I have inflicted on kids with my stupid teasing.
Well, I will write more at a later time, it is time that we soon get ready for bed; lights out should be happening in a few, and I don't want to be caught by the guards for not having my lights out--
So long for now; will write more soon~
Regards~
Peter Allen Blades (aged 14)--FORMER BULLY.
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Reviewed by Robert Blackwell
1/7/2004
Some lessons can only be learned the hard way. Thank you for portraying that learned by a teenager while there is still hope.
LOL at grady's "bully of a write" comment LOLOLOLOL
this is a powerful, powerful write--as we both know, the abuse bullies hurl can last a lifetime in painful memories...they are the ones with the problems, not us
A bully of a write Karen. I was big but I never was a bully. It is good for a former bully to apologize, especially if he picked on handicapped children. love fr BMore G
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Dear Kids:
