A married man shares the love he has for his wife, who is physically disabled; but despite her health problems, he loves her unconditionally.
My wife, M'buti Ayala (pronounced Em-boo-tay Ah-yah-lah), is a very amazing and incredible woman. Even though she may be physically disabled to most people, to me she is perfect in every way, and I would give my life for her; that is how much I love and cherish her. I have accepted her, and I intend on being there for her every step of the way; and I also intend on staying by her side until death parts us.
She and I have been together for going on six years now, but she has really made my world complete. She has given me three precious, beautiful children whom I love with all my heart and soul, and she really makes my life worthwhile and so meaningful.
M'buti is only a year younger than me (taller too), and she is the most beautiful creature on God's green earth (I always say; but she is always inclined to disagree with me!)! She is very smart, very witty, incredibly beautiful with her brown, flawless skin, huge, amber eyes that change colors depending on her mood, a very short afro haircut that perfectly emphasizes her perfectly shaped head, and a body I can't help but noticing. She is very tall and thin, and everytime I look at her, my heart always manages to skip a beat!
My wife was born in East Africa, in the country of Kenya; and she is of the Maasai tribe. She was born in Thika, which is northwest of Nairobi, and she was the third of three, two boys and one girl. She is very proud of her Maasai heritage, and it shows in her cooking, her style of dress, and the way she carries herself. But she has had to face significant changes in her health, and she now suffers from serious health problems that she is still battling to come back from. She was raped and then burned shortly after coming here to America (this was before I met her; I first met my future wife in the hospital, where I took care of her), and when our oldest son was just about six months old, she took sick with necrotizing fasciitis ("flesh-eating disease") that nearly killed her. Eventually, she recovered from that, but it took a very long time, and she was a very sick young lady. For a while, I didn't think that she was going to survive because she was in so much pain and she had lost so much in the way of weight; but life-saving surgery to stop the constant, crippling pain she was in saved her life; and she is now just about back to speed. She does have some permanent disabilities though: she is unable to walk without braces on her legs and Lofstrand (forearm) crutches or a walker (or, for longer trips, a wheelchair, which is what she usually uses most of the time), and she also has problems with her blood pressure being excessively low. She is prone to passing out if her blood pressure dips below a certain point; and I always have to be ready and on my guard, in case she gets light-headed and then passes out. She also has fibromyalgia, which causes her muscles to ache horribly; and as a direct result of this, the fibromyalgia, she is often very tired and cranky.
M'buti often doesn't feel good, and sometimes she gets very unhappy or upset; and sometimes being around her is akin to walking on eggshells because one never knows what mood she will be in upon awakening or how she is feeling physically; and I often have to take that into consideration when dealing with her. It takes her a while to get started in the morning; but once she has eaten her breakfast, taken her medications, and has had her daily bath (to soothe stiff, achy muscles), she is usually fine; and then she can get a good start on her day. But she gets tired easily, and dealing with three active children all under the age of five and a very hungry husband can quickly wear her out; and she often has to have one or two naps in the day just in order to get her energy levels back up. (I often end up having to do the lion's share of the housework. I don't mind, but she does; she wishes she could do more, and she often wishes that she could be a better wife and mother.) She also gets out of breath, and she often has to have a snort of oxygen until her breath returns. (Her lungs have never been that strong, especially since being in the hospital. She wears oxygen at night, and this seems to help her a lot.)
Besides taking impeccable care of the house and the children, M'buti is a fantastic cook: she makes all my favorite Mexican and Spanish foods from scratch, and she also makes East African dishes that are to die for! Her steak and riio and her ugali are especially wonderful, and she uses a lot of vegetables in her cooking. She doesn't use much in the way of meat (I guess this is due in part to her Maasai upbringing; the Maasai are known to be great lovers of vegetables; but they do not eat much in the way of beef or pork unless it is for special occasions; she will eat more chicken or turkey than beef); she never has, and I don't think she ever will.
Being with M'buti has taught me several things, actually: if anything, being with M'buti has taught me patience (and LOTS of it!), acceptance of the disabled and all the problems they have to encounter and deal with in their everyday lives, courage, respect for differences in cultures or languages, respect for tradition and other lands (as wife and husband, we have traveled to Australia--we went to the Sydney Summer Olympic Games--, England, Europe, Africa--twice--we went to Africa first for our honeymoon, and then again last year, when her oldest brother, Keserian, got badly mauled by a lion; we didn't think he'd make it for a while; but he eventually recovered--, and to the 2002 Winter Olympic Games in Salt Lake City, Utah), the demands of raising three small children plus working (I work as a nurse, and I am in the Marine Reserves; I went into the Marines after September 11, 2001, happened, and I was in Afghanistan for six months, then I returned home, and I am still in the Reserves; and my wife works five days a week at the Nashville Banner, where she types the news headlines for the paper), and knowing limits. (My wife is a very emotional person, and she gets very upset or frustrated quite easily. She is often depressed or down on herself, and I have to work like hell to try to convince her that she is NOT ugly, and that she is very beautiful, which she IS! In fact, I think she is so beautiful she looks like a GODDESS!). She has been undergoing weekly counseling sessions after work on Thursdays, and it's helped; but she still has her "poor, poor, pitiful M'buti days". She also writes a lot, and this has helped her express her feelings in a very healthy and meaningful way without letting her frustration or anger build up inside her and further wreck her already precaruous and unpredictable health situation.
My time with M'buti has had many unpredictable twists and turns; and there have been very many bad times as well as the good; but the good times with my wife have far outweighed the bad, and she and I couldn't be happier. It seems that God has brought the two of us together, and it seems that we were MADE for one another! We compliment each other perfectly, and she has caused me to settle down and not be the wild goofball I once was known to be! She has given me a purpose in my life; and my life is especially sweet because OF her. To be able to provide for her and our children is probably my greatest joy in life; and as long as she and the children are all happy, then my world is all the more perfect, and I couldn't have asked for a better or a more loving woman to be my wife than M'buti! My M'buti is my greatest joy, and she is my Life, my Hope, and my Everything!
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