Love can bring out the best in even the most hopeless or heartbreaking of cases.
People have said so much about the children we have chosen to adopt, children of all races, ages, sizes, handicaps, or nations...that they would never grow or flourish, that they would always remain locked in their own little world, or that they would never accomplish much in life; but looks are clearly deceiving. When people see our children, they see usually what is on the surface--their disabilities--, but whenever Louisiana or I look at them, all we see are our children, children who have overcome so much in their lives; and children who are living and breathing Miracles! In our eyes, our children are PERFECT, and to us they are all incredibly beautiful!
Our children are no longer so little; they are growing up before our very eyes, and every day, they surprise us with something new. Like our daughter, Jodie, who is going to be a teenager this year. She may never be able to walk or do much for herself, even as she gets to be an adult; but she is now talking and is now able to express herself in a simple, yet very concrete way; and her world has suddenly opened, now that she is discovering the gift of speech, a gift that had eluded her until only about a year ago. Another example is Ronee': she is continuing to win hearts with her singing talents; and she is now concentrating on writing a book about her life; and she has proven to be quite the courageous young lady. She absolutely refuses to let chronic pain or disability hamper her life; and she is now turning into a beautiful young lady who is on the threshold of turning into a teenager.
Johnny is another one who has benefited greatly from being our son. Plagued with severe neuromuscular problems and also brain and physical damage stemming from a bout of meningitis he had as a toddler, Johnny wasn't expected to live beyond the age of five; but now, at the age of 11, he has already survived far longer than doctors predicted he would; and he is also enjoying life and all that it has to offer. He is also doing so much better in school after years of struggle and frustration, and his world has turned so much brighter. His outlook on life and his courage has proven to be nothing short of incredible, and once people see him, they are immediately moved, and people never forget him!
Roberto is still another child who was without hope when he came to us from Mexico at the age of six: born with mental retardation and cerebral palsy, his future looked bleak indeed; but now, at the age of 11, young Roberto is improving in both his learning capabilities and in his physical development. He is walking quite well with the aid of leg braces and crutches; and he is coming along in his ability to learn. Now, he will always be behind in relation to kids his age or his mental retardation; but he IS able to learn; and we are indeed grateful for all he HAS already learned. He has proven to be quite a smart little boy, and he isn't as "retarded" as people so often think he is.
Or take our youngest daughter, Enriquesa, who will be seven in December: she was born without arms or hands, or even legs, plus she was born a little person, but she is a little terror on her wheeled walker, and she refuses to let bumps or bruises deter her enjoying life to its very fullest. She wears her "battle wounds" like trophies, and she can be counted on to laugh whenever the moment presents itself, which, in HER case, it is often!
We have worked consistently with our children, helping them reach their milestones in life (even if the milestones ARE later than planned!); and we have taught them that the world isn't always a nice place; and we have also taught them that they are going to have to learn to stand on their own two feet and adapt to a world not geared for their specific disabilities. They are going to have to learn to compensate for their handicaps, and while it isn't always successful, any challenges that they meet, no matter how large or seemingly insurmountable, CAN usually be overcome. We teach them about perserverance and not giving up, and we also teach them that if they need help, we will be more than happy to give it to them. There isn't anything wrong in asking for help if they feel it is needed.
We don't sugarcoat anything when we tell our children about life or what it entails: we tell them the cold, hard facts, and we also teach our children how to deal with life when it is less than kind to them or to others facing similar circumstances. This way, they aren't taken by surprise when something doesn't go in the way they had planned, and they are ready to accept defeat or find another way around a particular problem. They know of the stuff that is going on the world, and they have seen a lot of our great country because when we travel, the children always go along, and they get to experience what our country has to offer first hand. They also are able to discuss current events, things like war, politics, or terrorism, and we discuss how they feel about these things. We encourage them to read books about things that go on in our world, and we also encourage them to write out their feelings (such as the terrorist attacks several years ago that killed over 2,000 people when the Pentagon and the World Trade Center Towers were hit by terrorists). It helped with any deep-seated anger or bitterness they may have held inside, and more importantly, it helped them to deal with the situation at hand and then slowly heal. They are undoubtedly still sad about what had taken place that awful, unforgettable September day, but they are much better adjusted emotionally, much more than a lot of people, and they are able to discuss openly and honestly about anything that may be going on in our world today.
Our children have blossomed into loving, caring young men and women, and even though they still do have their moments where they can stir up mischief or trouble (hey, they are still kids; this is to be expected!), they are still quite well behaved in MOST instances, and they are always welcomed at most places. People don't cringe or shudder when they see us (unless it is at a busy restaurant, like Golden Corral on Mother's Day, for instance!); we have become quite a familiar sight around Nashville, and people are usually very considerate and kind towards us. And we always seem to bring out the best in people because it is through us that they learn of family, love, adoption, and disability; and we also have people ask us about adoption and what it takes to adopt children, particularly those with special needs or medical conditions.
Sure, life WAS rough at the beginning (especially when we took in nine children at once AFTER we had adopted two small babies previously; we hope NEVER to do THAT again! LOL), but eventually, the children adjusted in their new environment, and as they learned about us and we learned about them, we then bonded with our children, and they learned to love and flourish. Life eventually became easier on ALL parties concerned, and this is why our children are the way they are today. They are happy, healthy (for the most part!), well-adjusted, and are continuing to do very well in life. We are also doing very well as their parents: we have learned so much about special needs situations, whether it be health, social, or racial related, and we have grown in our knowledge, too, as have the children themselves. Love has turned once hopeless lives around, and our children are more than happy to give that love back to us and to the world, in general. It all has worked out for the very best, and we (or they) couldn't be happier than we are at the present time!
This is a very refreshing outlook, Karen! As I read the article I couldn't help but smile:) Yes, people are such wonderful creatures, disabilities, disadvantages in life,notwithstanding...you've taught us this in this story and many others...Thank you so much for being so kind and gentle!
Welldone!
Safi
People have said so much about the children we have chosen to adopt, children of all races, ages, sizes, handicaps, or nations...that they would never grow or flourish, that they would always remain locked in their own little world, or that they would never accomplish much in life; but looks are clearly deceiving. When people see our children, they see usually what is on the surface--their disabilities--, but whenever Louisiana or I look at them, all we see are our children, children who have overcome so much in their lives; and children who are living and breathing Miracles! In our eyes, our children are PERFECT, and to us they are all incredibly beautiful!
