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Code Blue!: How Do You Want Her To Die?: Heather Lindsay's Story, Part Three by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Saturday, February 21, 2004
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Hilary Lyne'a continues her bedside vigil beside her sick infant daughter, Heather Lindsay, who is battling a rare and potentially lethal heart defect.
Patricia Eichler was the inspiration behind this third part; I wasn't going to let the mother let her child die; but now it looks like she may have to. But don't give up hope just yet; a Miracle just may happen when one least expects it...So Patricia Eichler, this part of Heather's story is for you. Enjoy! Thanks for your suggestions and wise criticism; I took it into heart, you notice! LOL
Today was NOT a very good day for Heather, my baby girl. Today she "coded"--that is, her oxygen levels dropped dramatically, and her heart managed to stop twice. She also stopped breathing. This chain of events ultimately set off the alarms and caused a sudden flurry of activity in the NICU. One minute, I was sitting by her crib in the NICU, and the next, I was being shoved out of the room; and my daughter was soon surrounded by a sea of doctors and nurses, who were soon trying to revive her.
Thankfully, they managed to bring her back; but then it (another "Code Blue") happened again a half hour later; and again, the sea of doctors and nurses and the flurry of activity at her bedside as they tried to restart her heart and her breathing. I was so scared that they were going to lose her, and I was sure that she was dying; I hadn't felt this much fear ever since the devastating news that Dr. Emmons delivered when he told me that Heather had Epstein's Anomaly. Ever since, every day has been a struggle for Heather, and she has come close to dying more times than I would like to admit; today was just two more times where Heather nearly met her Maker face to Face.
Heather, as you can imagine, is NOT doing very good at the moment. Her color is still very bad, she is still breathing laboriously, her oxygen levels are still way off, and she is still swollen from fluid buildup; she really looks bad, if you want my honest opinion. I am ready to call the family and tell them that Heather is NOT doing very good, and that they need to prepare themselves for the prospect of her dying. I am going to have to tell them about the two Code Blues that she had, and I am ready to call around for a funeral arrangement, to see if any of the local funeral homes will bury my baby daughter in case she does die.
But the truth of the matter is this: I am NOT ready to say goodbye to my daughter; yet, things are starting to look like that she may die. She is still in a very grave state, and Dr. Emmons and the heart specialists are still very guarded regarding her prognosis. She is still not doing very well, and it is unlikely that she will even survive. So I must learn to let go and let nature take its course; and let my baby girl die if that were to happen. I can't let her go on anymore; she has suffered way too much in her brief life already, and I don't know if she (or I) can take any more.
Doctor Emmons also told me that there is the possibility that Heather may be "damaged" somehow because she is doing so poorly, and she isn't responding to treatment or to doctor's commands as well as she should be, and he told me that she may never have a very good quality of life if I were to keep her alive; it just may be better to let her die and let God take her. I can understand this, but deep inside, I am just NOT ready to take that step, and I can't bear my life without Heather. Heather has been my lifesaving Grace ever since Tony (my husband) left for another woman, and I just haven't really had any joy in my life until Heather came into the picture. Now it looks as if Heather is going to leave me too, and inside, my heart is stabbed, and I am filled with a sense of grief and sadness that threatens to crush the very life out of me.
Another excellent but heartbreaking story, keep em coming ...
God Bless
~Michelle~
Reviewed by P. Michaels
2/21/2004
Karen, I know this feeling and I can see that the mother is coming around to the idea that it might be better for her baby not to have to suffer anymore. Still I'm back here cheering for that baby in the hope that she'll pull through unharmed.
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