Julie Uecker here. I am the one who wrote the other day, about my "secret".
I suffer from anorexia nervosa. Don't ask me why I am starving myself; but I think I am too fat; and each time I see my reflection in the mirror, I feel deprived, disgusted, ashamed. I know I weigh less than 100 pounds now, but I still see myself as fat, and I am determined to lose all this extra weight off me, even if it kills me.
I try to do as my parents or doctors want me to, but I am repulsed by the sight (and even smell) of food; and every time I am around food, I turn nauseaous, and when I eat more than I should (to my choosing), I have to get rid of it SOMEHOW, so I force myself to vomit. It's like a vicious cycle, and I am afraid I can't help myself.
I have been threatened to put on some weight or else I am going to go into the hospital and have a tube shoved up my nose; but I don't WANT to go. I don't want people watching over me every second, and I don't want them treating me like I am some g.d. baby who doesn't know shit! I am tired of hearing my mom gobbling in the next room as she cries over me; I know she is worried, but this is a problem I have to try to solve myself; and if I say I am fat, then I am FAT. Case closed. I think I am as fat as a pig, and I HATE the way my clothes cling to me! They are too tight; and I HATE the way my body looks and feels! I HAVE to lose this weight before summer comes; there is NO WAY I am going to be seen on a BEACH with my stomach or my fat pooching out for everyone to see (or gawk at)!
So I must return to my regimen, and I HOPE I will lose at least five pounds BEFORE next month! Something has GOT to be done about this excess weight! I am TOO FAT!!
(To be continued!)
~Written on Tuesday, March 2, 2004, at 6:30 in the evening, C.S.T.
Karen:
Such a horrible disease, I am glad you joined me in getting the message out as to what Anorexia Nervosa can do to a person...
God Bless
~Michelle~
Hugz
Reviewed by Simon Thurlow
3/2/2004
Now I have to read back and find Part One. Don't know how I missed it but missed it I did. Excellent write Karen. Just need part one to get the background now LOL
a heartbreaking write--what really strikes me is the sentance, "...i still see myself as fat, and i am determined to lose all this extra weight off me, even if it kills me. ..."
it just might...it just might. so sad what society has done...
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Rovella is a beautiful woman with a cold heart whom blames herself for an unfortunate old family secret that is literally ruining her life. This secret impedes a gorgeous woman from having happiness in her childhood, and throughout her life. Dark sec
Julie Uecker here. I am the one who wrote the other day, about my "secret".
