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The Woman In The Picture...(Part One--By M'buti) (*Warning!: Tear-Jerker Material!*) by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Friday, March 19, 2004
Rated "PG" by the Author.
A woman has trouble coping with past hurts in her life. She also has to learn to live with scars, both physical and emotional.
This story made me cry as I was writing it! That must be some powerful writing if something I am working on can bring tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat!
I see myself in a picture, and I am at once filled with a combination of overwhelming sadness and grief. I see myself as ugly, and nothing--or nobody--can convince me otherwise.
Unless you have been in my shoes, you can't POSSIBLY imagine the horrors I have had to endure in my life, and because of what I have had to endure, my emotions have been damaged, and I no longer see myself as of any use to anyone or anybody.
Sometimes I wonder if it were better had I died. I don't know why I have to keep on living and enduring just more pain day after day! Sometimes I feel so bad it's all I can do to keep from wanting to kill myself!
For starters, I now carry scars that will never go completely away (I was burned in a fire several years ago), and I also carry scars on the inside, scars that still affect my moods to this day. I was raped not long after I first came here to America from Kenya, Africa (where I was born), and to cover up his crime, the guy who raped me set my apartment on fire and I was burned when I tripped while trying to escape the flames. I was also horribly injured; besides being burned, I also broke my leg very badly, and I spent nearly a year in the hospital, recovering from my injuries and the burns. I will never get over this situation, and it doesn't help that the trial for the man is coming up; I will have to face him again in court, and I will again be reliving the horrors and memories of this incident.
Secondly, I also had necrotizing fasciitis which nearly killed me, and I had surgeries to stop the infection that was threatening to spread itself through my weakened body, and now I have scars on top of scars, and I am ashamed of how my legs look. I do not wear short dresses or shorts, for fear that people will say "things" about my scars, and I am highly embarrassed and upset whenever I look at them. I also wear ugly braces on my legs, and my one leg is dead because I had surgery to stop the crippling pain that I had after the necrotizing fasciitis (a doctor who had done surgery on me cut my sciatic nerve, and for months, I lived with crippling pain, and I couldnt' eat, couldn't sleep, or couldn't do ANYTHING! I ended up losing an awful lot of weight, and it's taken me MONTHS to try to get back to where I was BEFORE I got the necrotizing fasciitis!); and I am embarrassed at having to use a walking frame or sticks to walk. I'd much as sooner use my wheelchair because I have so much trouble using the sticks or the walking frame!
Thirdly, I have to live with the fact that my baba and mama, M'baki and N'gaire, were brutally murdered in a gang-related incident while they were getting money to go back to Africa, and I never got to even say goodbye to them because at the time they were murdered, I was in hospital, recovering from my burns. My parents never got to meet their grandchildren, and whenever little Jubaki asks me or daddy (Roberto) where they are, it nearly rips my heart out, and I cry each and every time. They have now been gone for five years now, and I can't talk or think about it without crying! In fact, I am crying right now as I write this, and I don't know why I wasn't murdered, too, right along with them!
Every time I go out in public, people are always staring or commenting about me, and I am ashamed to be seen with my husband and my children. My children and husband mean everything to me, but I wonder why my husband has to put up with me. I am nothing but a big burden to him, and I don't see why he has to stay with me. I take up so much of his time, and I am a poor mother to the children. I can't even take care of them, and I can't do much with myself because I feel so awful a lot of the time, and to do the simplest things wears me out, and I have to lie down because I am so dizzy or winded again; and I am sorry, but this is NO way to live! I am supposed to be taking care of my HUSBAND and my CHILDREN, NOT my husband taking care of ME or the children! He is already busy enough with his nursing job at the hospital and taking care of the children and the house; WHY does he have to take care of me too??
I also have to cope with people assuming that I am an old person because of how I look. I may be going on 26 this year (I will be 26 in October), but I look more like an old person, with my wrinkled skin, and I have been asked by people at restaurants if I am a "senior citizen". How do you think that makes ME feel?? I am ONLY 25 1/2, yet I look so much older, and I think I am HORRIBLE-looking! I am NOT beautiful; I look like a MONSTER!!
(To be continued.)
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Reviewed by Simon Thurlow
3/24/2004
Someone with low self-esteem can rarely see the light they shine that others so clearly see. A stirring write Karen
Reviewed by P. Michaels
3/19/2004
Karla, she has someone that loves her and she has children. Those are two blessings. Bet there are more, too. Hopefully, your character discovers the blessings she has and then, finds peace.
no one know what crosses we bear, what scars we carry on the inside...you've penned a real heartwrenching write. very emotional expressive piece that is well done.
Suspenseful and close to home, Rain of Deception 2 will leave you in Tears. Much like Part 1, this will shocking sequel will keep you on the edge of your fingertips.
Spoken Word
This CD will touch the deepest inner part of your humanness and spirit, you will never be the same after listening to the depths of struggle, the reality of life, the touching voice of truth. It will shock you, move you to tears. It w
I see myself in a picture, and I am at once filled with a combination of overwhelming sadness and grief. I see myself as ugly, and nothing--or nobody--can convince me otherwise.
