“I feel like I should be doing more to help other abuse survivors, but I am not sure how to go about it.” Abby admitted. Gary had known something had been on her mind, but when she refused to talk about it, Gary backed off and let her have some space. If it were serious, she would tell him eventually. “I live in my own little world, like no one else exists, or might could benefit from the experience I have. I am so selfish. I’m complaining and feeling sorry for myself about being pregnant, when there are women who would welcome this baby with open arms. The truth is I am very fortunate to be able to get pregnant after everything that has happened to me.” Abby finished with a sigh. “You aren’t selfish, even though you have the experience doesn’t mean you have to share it, there is no law saying anyone who know something must share it with the rest of the world.” Gary tried to comfort his wife.
Abby paged through the phone book for a listing she had notice another time when she was looking for a number. “Here it is!” She exclaimed finally spotting what she was seeking. Grabbing the phone she dialed the number and listened to the ringing before someone picked up on the other end. “Pinehaven Crisis Center, how may I help you?” A friendly voice on the other end asked politely. “Yes, I would like to find out about volunteering.” Abby returned. “All our volunteers are specially trained, if you want to help in the shelter you would have to go through the training.” She said sharply. “It won’t be a problem, just tell me what I need to do to get trained” Abby said eager to begin.
“Are you sure this is something you want to do? I mean are you sure you can handle being around women who are right out of where you have been?” Kim asked uncertainly when Abby told her of calling Pinehaven. “I’m sure.” Abby said, “I need to do something with my experience, and this will also help to get my mind off of my own situation for a couple of hours a week. I really need a distraction.”
I’m not trying to sound so doubtful. If I were in your shoes, I don’t think I would be able to tolerate being around other abused women.” Kim said gently, reaching out to touch Abby’s hand. “If you want to do this, I want to be as supportive as I can. It still can’t be easy on you, and then with everything else you have on you already it is amazing to me you want to add another project.” Abby sighed. “It’s not going to be easy at all. I won’t be surprised if the nightmares come back, or if I freeze up when I try to help, but I know I have to do this for my own peace of mind.” Gazing down at her hands Abby continued.
“If I don’t at least try I will torment myself the rest of my days because I won’t know weather I can do it at all.” Silence fell; words were not needed for the two friends.
“Okay, so this will be your station. Everything you need should be here, the phone, notebook, there is a manual over there if you have a question, it should be in there, and if you have any questions feel free to flag down someone. Also, if you get into a situation you feel you can’t handle, don’t hesitate to ask for help.” Abby listened to the instructions eagerly. When the coordinator left, she took a seat, and waited for her first call. Abby was more calm after discovered she would be working the crisis hotline instead of dealing with victims face to face on her first day volunteering. When the phone rang Abby was jolted out of her own thoughts. “Crisis hotline, may I help you?” she said in a voice more certain than she felt. “Um… I don’t know why I even did this, maybe I should just hang up, and forget all about it…. If that is possible.” The girl on the other end said doubtfully. “No, please don’t hang up… What’s the problem?” Abby said hastily, trying to keep her own voice calm. “I was raped about an hour ago, but I’m too scared to go to the hospital.” The girl began shakily. “If I knew what to expect, it might not be so bad.” Abby’s heart ached for the girl. She remembered her own feelings of uncertainty and fear well, but there had been no one to hold her hand or even talk to Abby and tell her what to expect. She began a matter of fact explanation of the whole process, going slowly and answering any questions the girl asked. When she hung up the phone an hour later, a sense of accomplishment had replaced the uncertainty. By the end of the day, Abby was handling all her calls with the same amount of confidence she performed her job.
“How was your day?” Gary asked when Abby walked through the door. “It went better then I thought it would. The first call was a little tough, because I was so unsure of what I was doing, but then I realized it wasn’t all that different than what I do at work.” Abby said slowly. “I’m glad this worked out okay for you, because I have to admit I had my doubts about you being able to handle doing this.” Gary admitted. “I had my doubts too, but I had to give it a fair chance for my own peace of mind.” Abby said, taking a seat on the couch. “How about if we go out to dinner somewhere? I’m about to go stir crazy after all this time in the house, and I think I feel up to going out for a little while.” Gary asked. “Dinner out sounds great! Where do you want to go?” Abby replied. “It doesn’t matter to me, you pick a place.” Gary answered. “I don’t really care either, I’m happy you feel like getting out though.” Abby said excitedly. Going over to Gary’s chair, Abby placed her hands on both arms. Leaning down she kissed him on his lips. It was a long kiss, like they had not shared since before his injury.
“Abby you need to get out of this house, and do something just for you. Go shopping or something. Since I came home you have been spending every moment you were not working here. I’ll be fine alone for a couple of hours. Why do you call Kim and go get a cup of coffee.” Gary knew Abby was not going to go easily, but he was going to do his best. Since Gary had come home from the hospital Abby had dropped everything to take care of him, and he could see the stain it had caused starting to show on her face. “I want to be here with you Gary, I can have coffee with Kim any time, you will be going back to work in a couple of weeks, so I won’t have as much time with you then.” Abby said. “You just look so tired all the time, I’m worried all of this has been too much for you.” Gary said concerned.
After examining Gary, his doctor delivered the good news. “I think you are ready to return to work in another day or two. Starting off light would be best, maybe just a desk job for the first few days, but then I think you would be fine to go back to your normal work schedule.” Abby and Gary were both elated to hear this, and found it hard to keep their excitement contained. “Let’s do something to celebrate.” Abby suggested in the car on the drive home. “What do you want to do?” Gary thought for a moment, and then made a suggestion. “I’m not really in the mood to go out, so why don’t we ask Kim and Nick to come over and eat dinner and watch a movie?” Abby loved the idea, and called Kim right away from her cell phone. Gary was also able to contact Nick who immediately confirmed he could come.
When Nick arrived, he found everyone one sitting in the living room, munching on popcorn. Gary was propped up on the couch, Abby leaning against his chest comfortably. Kim had settled in the corner of the love seat, her legs tucked underneath her. “Am I late?” he asked, “No, we were just hanging out. Dinner won’t be ready for about thirty minutes.” Abby answered. “Make yourself comfortable.” Gary offered. Nick sat down next to Kim on the love seat. It was decided to eat dinner while watching the movie, so after everyone had served their plates, the two couples settled in the living room. Conversation ceased as the movie credits began rolling across the television screen, as everyone became involved in keeping pace with the movie.
When Kim realized she was cold she began fumbling blindly for the blanket draped over the back of the couch. As she tucked it under her feet, she felt strong hands helping her pull the blanket over her shoulders. Whispering her thanks she settled back against the couch, and tried to get comfortable again. Restlessly she turned on the couch, and found Nick’s shoulder. Kim felt his strong hand guiding her head down, and found herself unable to resist.
As Abby stood at the door watching Kim and Nick leave, her heart was so light she felt she might fly away. This had been a great evening. The food had been wonderful, and having Nick and Kim over had proved very relaxing for Abby. The news of Gary’s recovery had been met with mixed emotions. Her fear of him getting hurt was worse than ever. Abby knew if Gary were not able to do his job he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. Being a police officer was a huge part of Gary’s identity. Part of her wished the accident had shaken his enough to want to change careers, to do something with less risk. “I realize it is very selfish of me to even think about wanting Gary to change jobs, but I just want to keep him around.” Abby prayed softly, as she went about turning out lights, on her way to the bedroom. Gary had to the bedroom as soon as Kim and Nick had left. “He is the best thing to come into my life in a long time, and I love him very much, I just don’t want to see anything happen to him. I knew the risks involved in law enforcement when I married Gary, so why I am questioning this now?” Abby asked her self. Standing in the doorway of the bedroom, Abby watched Gary sleeping. He looked so peaceful. She tried to convince her self the feelings she was having about him returning to work were not selfish. She was looking out for him, not just herself. Abby knew in her heart Gary would consider dying in the line of duty an honor. Before he had met her, he had no other reason to get up in the morning. Having Abby in his life had changed the way Gary thought and acted at work. He was more cautious now, not wanting to lose everything he had gained in marrying Abby. As she crawled into bed, and snuggled up to Gary, feeling the warmth of his body next to her, Abby tried to quiet the feeling of fear. Telling herself God would protect Gary, like he had protected her so many times before. When she fell into a fitful sleep, worry was still coursing though her mind.
The sun shone brightly on Abby’s face. She awoke to the feeling of warmth and security being in Gary’s arm’s always brought her. After breakfast, Abby watched Gary putting his gun in the holster across his chest, and fought the urge to run to him, and beg him not to go back to work. Abby knew he needed to get back to work. He loved his job so much; it was a part of him. “Everything is going to be fine Abby. You don’t need worry about me. God is going to protect both of us.” Gary tried to comfort her before leaving.
As Abby dressed, and prepared to go back to Pinehaven her mind was on Gary. “Lord, I don’t know what to do, I know I should not worry like this, but I can’t help it. He is so important to me, I wouldn’t know what to do if I lost him.” Abby prayed. The ringing of the phone jolted Abby out of her thoughts, and for a moment she tensed, worried this might be the call she was dreading. Slowly she picked up the phone, and forced herself to speak. “Hello?” she said into the receiver. “Abby? It’s Kim.” The relief made Abby weak in the knees, and she sank into the nearest chair. “I want to go to Pinehaven with you today. I got the training last week, and have been about to bust to tell you, but I wanted to surprise you.” Kim said excitedly. “I’d be happy to have you along.” Abby said, her mind still wandering. “Are you okay?” Kim asked concerned “you sound upset.” “It’s nothing, Gary went back to work today and I am just worried about his safety.” Abby admitted. “He’s going to be fine, honey.” Kim said quietly. “You have to trust God is watching out for him, and he has a great partner in Nick. I don’t think Nick will ever let anything happen to Gary again.” After a few more minutes more of conversation, Abby and Kim made plans to meet at Pinehaven in half an hour.
When Abby arrived home that night she found Gary sleeping in his chair. Tiptoeing across the room she bent down and gently kissed him on the forehead. When he didn’t stir she made her way upstairs and changed, then went to the kitchen to start dinner. Abby knew after the long day Gary should be starving. Soon she had water boiling on the stove for spaghetti and French bread browning in the oven. She was putting the sauce on to simmer when Gary ambled in, still half asleep. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek before taking a seat at the bar. “How was your day?” Abby asked while stirring her sauce. “Long, and tiring,” Gary answered “but it was great to be back at work, even if all I did was sit at a computer all day. I never thought sitting around all day could make me so tired, but I am sure I will be back to my usual self soon, today was a good start forward. When is dinner going to be ready? I’m starving.” He asked impatiently. “I thought you might be.” Abby chuckled. “The spaghetti will be ready in about fifteen minutes, the rest is just waiting. Want some bread to munch on while you wait?”
“I don’t want to ruin my appetite, since everything smells so yummy.” Gary answered.
After dinner, Abby and Gary washed the dishes together, and then settled on the couch to watch a movie before going to bed. Abby lay in the dark, listening to the sound of Gary’s rhythmic breathing. Once again she found her mind to be plagued with worry over Gary’s safety. “I’m trying to trust you with this.” She whispered into the silence. “It is just so hard for me to let go of the one I love, and place them in your care. I just want to do it all, and not depend on someone else, even you. After all the times you have protected me, I should be able to see how you know what you are doing, and you always protect the ones you love, and I should be able to trust you with protecting someone I love. Maybe one day I will learn.” Abby said with a sigh as she turned on her side and tried to sleep.
Morning dawned bright, and sunny. Abby groaned when she remembered she had to go back to work today. Reaching a hand out she felt Gary’s side of the bed, and found it empty. Sounds from the kitchen told where he was, and from the sounds of the pots clanging and banging she realized he was cooking. When she made it in to the kitchen he was cracking eggs into a skillet. “I didn’t wake you did I?” He asked looking up. “No, but I got cold without you beside me, which is why I woke up.” She told him. “Here, eat this, it will warm you up.” He said hand a plate of eggs and bacon to her. Before sitting down to eat Abby got two glasses out of the cabinet, and juice from the refrigerator. Bringing it back with her, she sat down at the bar and filled both glasses. Spearing a bite of eggs she brought the fork to her mouth. After breakfast was done, Abby dashed off to take a quick shower before heading out the door to work. As she was locking up the door a strange feeling came over her. Abby felt eyes boring into her back. She tried to dismiss it as nerves from being worried over Gary, but had a hard time shaking the feeling. When she arrived at the office Abby threw herself into work to take her mind off the eerie feeling. By the end of the day, she had almost forgotten the experience of morning. As she waited for Gary to come home, Abby found herself jumping at small noises. When the phone rang, Abby knocked a vase off the table, and screamed. “Hello?” She said hesitatingly. “Hey Abby, it’s Kim.” “Oh, it’s you.” Abby said relived, as she started to clean up the broken glass. “What’s wrong, you sound really upset.” Kim asked concerned. “It’s nothing, just a case of the jitters. I felt like someone was watching me as I was leaving for work this morning and I haven’t been able to shake the feeling all day. When the phone rang it scared me to death.” Abby admitted.
