A young girl remembers her father a year after his death. He died on Easter Sunday of 2003 in a car wreck on his way home from church.
Daddy~
I can't believe it's been a year since you left us. You don't know how much mom or I miss you! Our lives haven't been the same since you left, and it seems that we can't stop crying or thinking about you, no matter how hard we try!
This is your daughter, Nicole. I am NOT doing well; I haven't been since you died. I have been in and out of the hospital due to these stupid flares from my JRA, and now Dr. H. is talking SURGERY on my hip; she says it is really lookin' bad on the x-ray films. I have been having a lot more pain than what is usual for me, and it is getting harder and harder for me to walk on my crutches. I have been using my wheelchair more and more lately, and when I DO walk, I am so stiff and so sore it is NOT funny! Mom is really having a time with me, and she says that I am a grouch. (Can you BLAME me??)
Mom has been busy, trying to keep her mind occupied. Maybe that is a good thing, but she is going to wear herself out or make herself sick if she isn't careful! She is working GOBS of hours at her job, and I am frankly getting tired of having the babysitter, Mrs. Garrett, come and watch over me like I am some stupid BABY! I am almost a TEENAGER; I don't need no godd... babysitter!! (If mom knew I used that word..Goddamn..she'd wring my neck, but this is how I happen to feel about the babysitter situation! Mrs. Garrett is nothing but a nosy old busybody who doesn't know how to keep to her own self, and she is always hollering at me! I do NOT like that woman! She is also too rough, and she is always telling me to stop crying whenever I am in pain! She hates kids; she has even told me that, and she says I am nothing but a spoiled brat who is using her disabilities as a way to get attention. Maybe so, but it is awfully hard NOT to think of my situation when I am hurting so badly! It seems it has only gotten WORSE since you left, Daddy!)
I have been trying to learn to forgive that drunk driver who killed you, but somehow, I CAN'T. He was the one who took your life way too soon, and because of HIM, you are now in Heaven, and you are DEAD. You will NEVER come back, and I will NEVER see you again! I have such a huge hole in my heart, I don't know if time will EVER erase it or the pain I feel each and every day! I am NOT just in pain PHYSICALLY: I am also in pain EMOTIONALLY and MENTALLY! I have NOT slept very well most nights since you left, and now, with your one-year anniversary of your death fast approaching, it is ALL I can think about! I have been crying my eyes out these past few days, and it is only going to get worse, as Easter is fast approaching, and to me, Easter does NOT mean JOY! It means DEATH and SADNESS!!
I am kind of mad at my girlfriend, Ronee', right now because it seems that now, when I seem to need her the most, she is too busy all of a sudden, and it's like she doesn't even have time for me. Her and her stupid parents and stupid brother are getting ready to go on a STUPID vacation to STUPID Alaska on a STUPID Disney Cruise ship for two STUPID weeks; and I am getting sick and tired of Ronee' NOT calling me or when I DO talk to her, she can't talk long because she and her stupid family are getting ready to go on their stupid Alaska cruise! It seems all she talks about is "Alaska this, Alaska that", and frankly, I am SICK and TIRED of hearing about ALASKA!! Well, as far as I am concerned, I hope Ronee' has fun, but I hope that she has a miserable time! That's what she deserves, after DUMPING me by going on this stupid CRUISE! She makes me so MAD sometimes!!
I am mad at mom because of her job, and I wish things would go back to the way they were when you were still here! I miss your smells, your holding me in your arms when I was sick or sad, your laughter and your smile, and your love. I also miss your Italian cooking, and I miss hearing your opera records. Now whenever I hear opera, I can't help BUT to cry because they remind me so much of you and how much I miss you! I HATE opera now!!
WHY did you have to go so soon, Daddy? What did I do to deserve THIS, your dying on me--on EASTER?? Easter is supposed to be a time for JOY and CELEBRATION, NOT death or mourning! Yet that is exactly what mom and myself ARE doing this approaching Easter Sunday, and I am NOT looking forward to it AT all! I HATE the thought of going to the cemetary so we can see your grave and the thought of you being buried in that cold ground, lying in a casket! The pain is too much to bear, and I HATE the thought of your being killed by a stupid driver who should have NEVER been driving in the first place! It is hard for me to get around anyway, Daddy, and now I am going to have to fight like hell to try to walk on my stupid crutches up that hill to your grave; and if I fall again, like I did at Christmas, I don't know WHAT I am going to do! I HATE being this way, and I HATE your being dead!!
Christmas was lousy; it seems all Mom or I did was cry; and even though we went to Aunt Toby's house in San Francisco for Christmas, it was NOT the same without you there! I DID get a lot of nice things for Christmas, but it was AWFUL with you NOT being there, and anything or EVERYTHING could get Mom or I crying! All we could do was look forward to the holidays being over so we could get back home and feel sorry for ourselves!
Well, Daddy, mom is calling me; I have to run. (Hunh! Can you see THAT??) I will write more soon; but I just wanted to let you know that I am remembering you and missing you BADLY!
This drew me in Karen because I lost my mother last Easter
Sunday....how well I remember seeing daylight come and my
mom leaving us....this is very sad...death is not particular
of who it takes....it just pulls the rug out from under
the ones left behind...this is well written and held my
attention throughout...I am sorry I don't always have the
time to read "all" my friends stories...but I try....
bless you Karen...floria
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