Lindsay Maureen Bauer, who suffers from PMA (progressive muscular atrophy), drops in and lets us know how she is faring. As you can see by her angry attitude, she is still having a rather rough time of it.
A Note: Lindsay Bauer is NOT known for her tact, and she is NOT afraid to thrown in profanity! She has a RIGHT to be angry; and she expresses her anger VERY well!
I haven't been here for a long while, and it is because I have been sick. My health has been shitty, at best, and there are some days where I am so weak I can barely lift my head off the pillow or feed myself or even dress myself. This damned PMA is getting to be a big pain in the ass, and I am still having a hard time adjusting to it.
PMA is like a mild form of Lou Gehrig's disease; but it ISN'T LGD, or ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), not exactly. It is a mimicker of ALS, but it isn't as severe. People with PMA can be expected to live with it as long as 20 years or more; people with ALS die in a few years after onset of symptoms and diagnosis. I can be expected to live into my 60's or even 70's with this shit (I am in my 40's now). I just got a wheelchair from the Muscular Dystrophy Association's local chapter, and I also got a pair of crutches. I didn't have to pay for either the wheelchair or crutches; but it is only a reminder of my illness/disease, and I am having a hell of a time adjusting to it, even now, especially on the days where I am as weak as a kitten and can barely do things for myself.
This is where my caretaker, Tracey, comes in. She has been a HUGE Godsend; without her I would be stuck like chuck, and I don't know HOW in the hell I would manage! She helps me with my affairs or with my personal matters when I am feeling weak, and she is like a sister and a friend to me. She lives with me, and she is a lot of fun, but I am sure there are days where she would love to be on her own and not worry about poor, sick, pitiful me or wiping my ass or feeding me or whatever! But she never complains (or so she says!); and I like her company; so we have learned to rely on one another and put up with each other's quirks and qualms.
As you may have guessed, this is Lindsay. Lindsay Maureen Bauer. I am the loudmouthed, angry woman you may remember from the past year, when I bitched about the Muscular Dystrophy Telethon; only I ended up having a good time, and I met a kid with MD whose mother has been another Godsend to me. She calls me on occasion, but lately, I haven't heard hide nor hair from Louisiana Sandusky. It's like she has dropped off the face of the planet, and I have NO idea as to whether she is dead or even alive or even cares about me anymore! It is frustrating not to hear from her; this is NOT like Louie AT all!! I also have no idea about little Johnny or how he is faring, and to tell you the truth, at times I would rather NOT know about him because if I heard that he was dead, I don't know if I could stand it. He has been through so much already with his goddamned MD, and he is only a little boy of 11 now! Doctors don't think he'll become a teenager, and the more I think about it, the more depressed I get!
The last time I heard from Louisiana she was getting ready to mail in her manuscript for her book she wrote about her family. She was writing an inspirational book about her large, multicultural family; but if the book has been accepted or is in print, that I have no clue. As I said, it's like Louie has dropped off the face of the Earth, and I kind of miss her. She was a very sweet and caring lady with a heart of gold, and I kind of miss her company and her caring nature.
I really haven't been doing much (how CAN I, with this g.d. PMA shit??); if I have, I have been doing a very good job at bitching or feeling sorry for myself. I am still looking for work, but nobody will give me the time of day or give me a second look, and frankly, I am getting sick as hell for all this bullcrap or having people hire ABLE BODIED people over me when I am just as good as THEY are! I tell you, life, at times, SUCKS! Especially MINE! My life is nothing but a big GOOSE EGG, and frankly, I am fed up past my eyebrows!!
Now that you have been updated, I'd best better go before I bore you anymore with my "glamorous" life (NOT!); and besides, I just pissed in my goddamned pants again! I HATE it whenever that happens! NO warning, whatsoever!!
~Lindsay Maureen Bauer. (Written on Wednesday, April 14, 2004, at 6:10 p.m.)
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Reviewed by Robert Blackwell
4/15/2004
Great writing, as always. {{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
sad, but well written, write of conflicting, confusing emotions--and when people you know don't write or call, you wonder if you've a friend in the world
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