M'buti Ayala Moore-Sormiento updates us on what is new with her and her life.
Greetings, or as I say in my former country of Kenya, Jambo! This is M'buti Moore-Sormiento writing. I am so sorry if I haven't written in such a very long time, but when you have children, you are constrained for time, and time is but a precious commodity.
I also have to struggle with chronic pain, and oftentimes I don't feel well; and I also suffer from bouts of dizziness and depression; and there are days where it is all I can do to keep from crying or trying to make it through a day without feeling like I am going to faint or feel like my muscles are going to rip right out of my body. I also have breathing problems that require me to use oxygen, and if I overdo myself, I get very short of breath, and it is a while before I can get my breath back; and I have to rest a lot. With three small children all under the age of five, this is NOT very easy to do! In addition, I also have to live with disability, and also working at my job five days a week. So, as you can see, my life is very full and busy at best, and this is why I can't write as much as I would really like.
My husband, Roberto, has been a very good husband and father to me and our children, Jubaki, and the twins, Eshe' and Kibarake; and he takes very good care of the children and me. He never complains, even when I get ugly or nasty at him; and I have only begun to realize just how lucky I really am to have a husband like Roberto. Roberto is very hard working, and he is good at everything he does; and I am indeed a very lucky woman in having him in my life. A lot of husbands wouldn't put up with having to do the lion's share of the chores or caring for a sick wife; but Roberto is not like most men: he is caring, wise, open-minded, understanding, and he is incredibly talented in a lot of different things. He is also very good looking, and he makes me laugh, even when I don't feel like laughing. Somehow he always manages to make me smile when I am feeling poorly, and I guess this is why I am so lucky in having Roberto.
Roberto never complains, even when I am sick or can't do a lot of things; he just goes about his busy self and tries to make things easier for me and the children. He knows of my limitations, and he has accepted me; and he will often go out of his way to please me or the children instead of thinking about HIS needs. To him, OUR needs come over his, and this makes him very special indeed!
I am doing fairly well, but as I said earlier, I still have many health problems that affect how I feel about myself; and I sometimes wish that I were as I was prior to my being burned; but that is now all in the past, and I have to accept myself and my limitations. I will never walk as well as I once did, and I often tire easily; and I also have to learn to live with scarring and further surgeries down the road (something I am NOT looking forward to; I am allergic to most of the anesthetic agents, and I often feel everything that is going on, even when I am supposed to be asleep during surgery; it is NOT a pleasant experience!). I also have to learn with nightmares of the rape, being burned and being in the hospital, and having necrotizing fasciitis, which further damaged me; and also the bad memories of the pain I went through when I was so very sick. I often don't sleep very well at night because of pain or the ever-occurring nightmares; and at times I am a royal mess emotionally; and sometimes I can get very nasty towards my husband. I don't mean to get nasty, but he sometimes doesn't realize all of the hell I have had to endure with my health, and he doesn't know what it is like or what I have had to go through.
I still have issues with how I look; I still feel I am ugly, and I am still going through mental counseling to try to help me deal with my feelings about myself and also all the past hurts I have had in my life. Besides my health problems, I have also had to learn to try to accept the deaths of my parents, N'gaire and M'baki, who were murdered while I was in the hospital recovering from my burns; and try to forgive the kids who changed my life forever. I have had to go through the trial, and it has been emotionally taxing on all involved (but me, especially; it's like reliving the nightmares all over again). The trial is still occurring, and it will be soon when the people who killed my parents are sentenced; and then we can try to go on with our lives and try to put all these bad dreams and memories behind us for good. With Mother's Day fast approaching, I find myself being sad because I miss my own mom, and I wish that Mama were still around; I still feel that I need to talk to her about "things", and I also miss my Baba; and I wish I could talk to him, too.
I still can't look in a mirror without crying or feeling that I am ugly; and people still stare at me and make comments. This is why I still hide away at home or at work or don't talk to many people. I don't trust many people now because of this, and I am stil having to work through all the pain in my life. The ONLY saving graces in my life are my family, my friends, work, and also my church. I go to my husband's church (he is Catholic), and I get so much out of it; and I have also learned to accept God and make peace with myself and my life, though at times, it is anything BUT easy. I still find myself struggling daily, and some days are definitely worse than others; but as time goes on, things ARE improving.
Well, now you know what is new with me. I am sorry for not writing sooner, but now that you know the reasonings behind my lack of writing, now maybe you will understand. I will try to write more often the next time, and I will TRY not to make my absence so lengthy the next time. Thank you for allowing me to share my feelings and words with you! Until next time I write, Kwaheri!
awwwwwwwwww precious story! enjoyed...glad roberto is there to brighten her day and make life easier. now if more guys were like that LOL *siiggghhhh* LOL
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Greetings, or as I say in my former country of Kenya, Jambo! This is M'buti Moore-Sormiento writing. I am so sorry if I haven't written in such a very long time, but when you have children, you are constrained for time, and time is but a precious commodity.
