“How are you feeling?” He asked stroking the hair away from her face. “What happened?” Kim asked avoiding his question. “Because you had not been eating well enough your blood sugar bottomed out which caused you to faint but you are going to be just fine in a few days.” Nick said softly. “The funeral” Kim said as tears filled her eyes. “I messed everything up.” Nick tried to soothe her “You don’t need to worry about that right now. You just need to rest and focus on getting better.” He said putting his finger over her lips. “Where is my mother?” Kim wanted to know. “She went home to rest. The doctor gave you something to help you rest so we didn’t think you were going to wake up at all tonight. We decided it would be best if she went home to rest. Abby and Gary took Grace back to the hotel to put her to bed but Abby is planning to come back a little later.” Nick told her. Kim felt sleep sucking her under again and didn’t try to resist.

When she awoke several hours later Kim heard voices talking in softly in what seemed to her the distance. Kim tried to open her eyes but it was as if they had been glued shut. Her limbs left like they weighed fifty pound each and Kim found she did not have the strength to lift them off the bed. She felt herself drifting back into unconsciousness and Kim let herself be taken under again. 

The smell of food awoke Kim the next morning. She found to her relief she could now open her eyes and her arms had been freed of the weights. She turned her head to see Nick sitting in the same chair behind a tray of steaming food. “Hi.” She said weakly. Pushing the tray aside Nick got up and crossed the room. Leaning down he kissed her on the forehead.  “Good morning. How did you sleep last night?” He said softly in her ear. “I want to take whatever they gave me last night home with me.” Kim chuckled. “I slept like a log.”

“Do we have everything?” Kim asked. She sat in a wheelchair despite insisting she was strong enough to walk. The few days on IV fluids had done wonders for Kim. She felt better than she had in years. The wheelchair had been to appease Nick. Since she knew he would not relent she had given in. Nick wheeled Kim out to the car then locked the breaks on the chair before coming around to the front to help her into the car. Kim sank gratefully into the front seat and leaned her head back against the rest. She had not realized how weak she really was. Moving from her hospital bed to the car had totally wiped her out. As Nick pulled away from the curb she closed her eyes.

Kim didn’t remember going to sleep but the next time she opened her eyes Nick was pulling the car into the driveway at her mother’s house. After he parked Nick went around the front of the car and opened her door. Kim waved him away saying she could walk by herself but as soon as she stood she realized how weak she really was. Kim clutched his arm grateful for the assistance and together they walked into the house. Once in the house Nick help Kim take a seat on the couch. She sank on to the couch appreciative for the relief which being off her feet brought. Kim closed her eyes for a moment and relaxed for the first time in a week. She heard conversations start around her but Kim could not find the energy to respond. After a few minutes she drifted off to sleep.

“I’ll call you as soon as we get home.” Kim said hugging her mother. As much as she wanted to stay Kim knew she needed to get back to California. She was due back at work the next week and it was time she settled into her new life with Nick. “Don’t wait so long to visit next time okay?” Marta said wiping away tears. “What if you came out to California for Christmas?” Kim suggested. “We’ll pay your airfare.” Kim watched her mother’s eyes light up before she responded. “You would really do that for me?” She asked “Even after the way I have treated you all your life. Not to mention how I have treated you during this visit?”

“I think we need to put all of that in the past and move on. There is nothing anyone can do to change what has already happened but we can make the future better.” Kim said honestly. “I can’t say I don’t have my doubts about this being a good idea but I won’t know if we can make this work if I don’t try. So will you come for Christmas?” Kim asked looking her mother in the face. “I would love to come.” Marta said grabbing Kim in a tight hug. They parted ways a few minutes later Kim and Nick joining the line boarding the plane and Marta heading out to her car.

Kim and Nick sat behind Abby, Gary and Grace on the plane. Everyone was quite for most of the trip. Grace played for a while after take-off before falling asleep. Kim quietly read a book she had picked up in Texas. Nick had fallen asleep almost before the plane was off the ground. Kim realized those days in the hospital had taken a toll on him. At least when they got home today he would have a few days to rest before going back to work on Monday. Kim was glad she had a few days to recuperate before going back to work as well. Leaning over on to Nick’s shoulder Kim closed her eyes and let sleep suck her under.

Kim awoke to Grace crying from the seat directly in front of her. She heard Abby stir then realize Grace was crying and turn to pick up the baby. As the toddler’s cries diminished Kim felt herself drifting back to sleep. She didn’t open her eyes again until the announcement came to prepare for landing. Sitting up sleepily Kim reached around for her seat belt and buckled it. Nick stirred next to her and Kim told them they were about to land.  When the plane was on the ground the weary travelers disembarked. As they made their way to the baggage claim Kim leaned on Nick arm. She was beginning to think making this trip had not been the best idea. The walk from the plane to inside the airport zapped all her energy.

The two couple parted ways in the parking lot both of them going to their own vehicles. As soon as Nick unlocked the door Kim climbed into the front seat and lean her head against the headrest. After he loaded the luggage into the trunk Nick went to the other side of the car and climbed behind the wheel. He glanced over at Kim who was already sound asleep in her seat. He started the car and pulled out of the parking space. Through the drive home he glanced over at Kim a couple of times. She never stirred the whole time.   When they arrived at the apartment Nick brought the luggage inside before coming back to the car. He opened Kim’s door and gently shook her by one shoulder. Kim opened her eyes slowly then smiled up at him. “We’re home.” He said extending his hand to help her up. Sitting up she put her feet outside the car. When she tried to stand Kim found her legs were weak. Nick caught her when she started to sway and put his arm around her waist to steady her. Together they walked into the house. When Kim was seated on the couch Nick crossed the room and pressed play on the answer machine. The message played through as he went to the refrigerator and got both of them a cold drink. Most of the messages had been from people known had not known they were out of town. Kim made a mental note to call them back when she had recovered from the trip. A few of the message were from co-workers who knew they were coming home today and were trying to find out if they had arrived. Kim stifled a yawn as she accepted the cold soda from Nick who sat down on the couch next to her. “I think both of us could use some extra sleep. Why don’t we turn in early?” Nick asked. “I think your plan sounds wonderful. A shower then bed is just what I want to do.” She returned.  

Just after ten that night Nick turned the light off. Kim had climbed into the bed while he was taking his shower she was already sound asleep on the other side of the bed.

Nine o’clock the next morning found the newly weds still lounging in bed. Gary had gotten up long enough to go out and get breakfast. When he got back Kim was just coming out of the bathroom. The towel wrapped around her damp hair told Nick she had taken a shower while he was gone. Carrying the fast food sack into the bedroom Nick climbed on to the bed and settled against the headboard. “Something smells good.” Kim said going to the dresser for jeans and a t-shirt. “Are you hungry?” Nick asked taking one of the sandwiches from the bag. “I’m starving. It seems like ages since dinner last night.” Kim returned. “I thought we would just eat in here.” Nick said patting the bed beside him. “Breakfast in bed the day after our honeymoon. You really spoil me too much.” Kim said leaning over to kiss him. “I could never spoil you too much. It can’t be done.” He said brushing his lips over hers. “I love you.” Kim said softly. “I love you too.” He returned. As they ate the couple made plans for the day. “I know you are going to be tempted to try to catch up on all the time you lost while we were in Texas but I think it would be best for both of us to take things easy this weekend. I also think you should not take on a enormous load when you go back to work Monday” Nick cautioned. “Trips are great. They help clear your mind and relax your body but catching up from them is the pits. It is going to take me three months to get caught up here and at work.” Kim sighed.  “You’ll catch up just give yourself time. You need time to heal and recover as well as time to get into this new pace. You’re married now, which is going to be a huge adjustment for both of us.” He said gently. “I’m married?” she joked wrinkling her nose for emphasis. “Who did I marry?” she asked grinning at him. “Just some no name cop on the L.A. Police Force.” He said leaning down to kiss her.

The weekend passed quickly for Kim and it seemed weird to her when she woke up Monday morning. Nick was already in the shower. Kim lay in the bed listening to the water running. When she heard it shut off Kim pulled her self out of bed and went to the kitchen. She turned on the stove and then started gathering the things she would need to make breakfast. Soon she had French toast browning in the skillet. Nick entered the kitchen a damp towel draped over his shoulders. The scent of his cologne wafted over to where Kim stood. He went to the refrigerator and got the juice out. Retrieving two glasses he set them on the table then went back to for plates and silverware. When Kim scooped the last piece of toast from the skillet Nick had the table set.  Setting the dish on the table Kim leaned down to kiss her husband. “Good Morning.” She said taking a seat across from him. “It doesn’t seem like it’s time to go back to work already.” He said between bites. “I was thinking the same thing when I woke up this morning. It seems like the last two weeks have really flown.” Kim said with a sigh. After breakfast Nick rushed out the door to his truck and Kim hurried to take a shower before she left for work.

At the hospital all her co-workers greeted Kim warmly as she headed to the physical therapy room. Kim spent the day trying to get back into her routine. By the time Kim made it to her car at the end of the day she swore she would never go on another extended vacation again. It was just too hard to get back into the swing of things. When Kim arrived at the apartment Nick truck was not parked out front and her heart sank. She had hoped he would already be home. As she unlocked the door Kim felt the weight of the food in her stomach. She had been unable to get out of eating lunch when Abby had come around at noon insisting they eat together.   When she had gone back to work Kim felt the food sitting in the pit of her stomach but had not been able to do anything about it as her first patient after lunch had been brought in. As the day had gone on Kim had not gotten the chance to slip away to purge. A steady stream of people had kept her busy until she clocked out at five pm. As she knelt on the bathroom floor, Kim felt pangs of guilt piercing her heart. Kim knew she was not only hurting herself but she was hurting Gary as well as many other people who cared about her. For a moment Kim almost talked herself out of doing it but then the craving for release from food took over and Kim found herself as so many times before retching into the toilet. When there was nothing left to vomit Kim leaned back against the bathroom wall totally spent. When she remembered Gary would be home any minute Kim panicked. Not wanting him to find her this way she struggled to her feet and turned on the shower. The hot water helped to revive her. She was just stepping out of the bathroom as she came through the front door with a take out box in his hand. “You look a little pale.” He said concerned. “Was work too much for you today?” He said going to the kitchen and setting the box on the table. “I am a little tired.” She lied. “Work was pretty busy today trying to settle back into my routine and adjust. I have decided traveling is too much work.” She said laughing. “Well I brought dinner so you won’t have to cook. I stopped by the little Italian place on the corner. They make the best Shrimp Alfredo.” He said opening the box. The smell wafted to Kim’s nose and almost made her start retching again. “I had a big lunch. I don’t think I will eat much for dinner tonight.” She said putting a hand on her stomach.  “You’ve been making yourself throw up today haven’t you?” He asked eyeing Kim. She squirmed in her spot and peered down at her lap be remained quiet. Crossing the room Nick sank on to the couch beside his wife. Taking a finger he lifted her chins so Kim was looking him in the eyes. “I’m not mad. I want you to know that. I am frustrated you won’t talk to me and let me help you with this. Why do you feel like you have to do this to yourself to feel in control.” He said softly. “I don’t know.” Kim said as tears chased each other down her cheeks. “I think you do know but you don’t want to face the monster which makes you do this to yourself.” He said, “I’m not going to try to force you to face this but if you ever want to talk I am available.” Silence hung heavy when Nick finished speaking. Kim wiped away tears and then reached for a tissue to blow her nose. Silently they drifted in separate direction without either saying much. When Nick emerged from the shower Kim was already sound asleep under the covers. Quietly he slipped in the bed beside her and soon was also sound asleep. 

 In the morning Kim avoided Nick as she showered and dressed for work. She didn’t want to get into another discussion about her eating habits. Kim silently berated herself as she drove to work. The “if onlys” ran through her mind. “If only she were a better person she could beat her bulimia. If only she loved Nick more she would stop what she was doing to herself. On and on she went. As she headed to her office Kim was so deep in thought she walked past Abby without even noticing her best friend.

Abby stood speechless as Kim breezed past her while mumbling to herself.  Kim was walking through the door of her office before she realized what had happened. By the time she retraced her steps Abby was gone. Glancing at her watch Kim scowled as she realized she did not have time to run upstairs to Abby’s office and explain. Sighing she prepared to start her work for the day and promised herself she would straighten things out with Abby the first chance she got. As Kim was unlocking her car at the end of the day she remembered the incident from that morning and how she had not gotten the chance to make things right. Kim had intended to find Abby at lunchtime but Nick had surprised her by bringing a picnic lunch, complete with a blanket, to the physical therapy room.  They had eaten together on the floor then he had returned to work when her first patient arrived right at one o’clock. Retrieving her cell phone Kim punched in Abby’s number as she drove. After the fifth ring she had given up and dropped the phone on the seat beside her with a sigh.