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An Update: Rachel Phillips-Smith (Part One) (Warning: Coarse Language!) by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Rachel Phillips, a survivor of a lightning strike that left her permanently disabled, updates us on what has been new with her.
I am so sorry for not writing for so long, but when one has to live with this godawful pain every day, it is hard to do much of anything, really.
I am a survivor. I am a survivor of a lightning strike; but not without a price. I am left with numbness and tingling throughout my body, and I also suffer from short term memory loss, blurred vision, impaired hearing, and intractable pain that nearly takes my breath away at times. I can walk, but I walk on forearm crutches and wear braces on my legs, and it hurts me to walk for any long period of time, so I usually use my wheelchair or stay in bed if the pain is especially bad. I can't work, and I can't function, and I am often very depressed and frustrated about my lot in life. (I get a disability check every month, but I would much rather be out in the open, earning my own money, and making my way through this world instead of having to rely solely on my husband or living on disability every month!)
Up until several years ago, I was a vibrant, active young woman, and I was on the verge of becoming a storm chaser; but then came that fateful day when I was struck by lightning, and that bolt changed me and my life as I once knew it forever. I went from an active, happy woman to a pain-riddled invalid that can't function; and now I will probably never work again. I can't function without my pain medications, and it seems that I am always popping pills to try to stave off some of the edge from the pain, and it seems as if I am always loopy- headed.
I DID get married; but my husband, Kendall, is not home much because of HIS job; and I wish I could see him more than I do. My husband is a paramedic, and he works long and unpredictable hours, and with him being "on call" all the time, there is no telling when the tones may sound or when he is needed by the emergency squad to go out on calls. I have been married to Kendall Smith for two years now, and we want to have a baby, but with the pain and health issues I am facing now, we just may turn to adoption or not have any kids at all. Still, it would be nice to have a little one to help take my mind off my own sufferings and concentrate on him (or her) for a while!
Since you last heard from me, other than marrying Kendall, I haven't really done much, and I have been home most of that time..that, or going to doctors for checkups or consultations, to see if anything can be done with this goddamn pain I have to live with day in and day out; but so far, nothing has helped. I am in as much pain now as I was back then, and it is really hard trying to live life with this pain! Nothing I take seems to help, and I am left feeling nauseated or dizzy a lot of the time, and I am sorry, but this is no freaking way to live!! Right now, I am so sick of these doctors I can just SCREAM!! They treat me like I am a fucking freak, and they don't understand what it is like for me. The pain I suffer is very real, and I am sick and tired of their telling me that "the pain is all in my head and that I need to see a psychiatrist because I have an anger problem". This is what they have told me, and frankly, I am sick and tired of their goddamn pompous attitudes!!
I am also sick and tired of my life, and I would do anything to rid myself of the pain and agony that I have to face day in and day out!! This is no way to live: I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I am always so sick or dizzy from the pain that rages through my body, and nothiing, absolutely NOTHING, seems to help! All I do is lie in bed or cry for some relief from the pain, and then people wonder why I am so bitter or so fucking angry all of the time! DUH!! I don't know how my husband puts up with my prattling on about my life, but he does; and I must give him a lot of credit; but still..I would give ANYTHING to get my old life back, the way it was before that goddamn lightning bolt wrecked my life forever and now because of it, I am a shell of my former self, and now my life is a living hell!
God, I HATE my life!!!
~Rachel.
~To be continued.~
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Reviewed by Simon Thurlow
5/17/2004
Riveting write Karen. Has me hooked to the very last word
Reviewed by Joe McCarthy
5/16/2004
I can truly relate to this. I was in pain for a couple weeks. Sometimes you're willing to do ANYTING for it to stop.
The trick will be to zero in on the power you do still have which, btw you do! - You have the pen in your hand - or the power in your fingers on your machine! And you will be effective.
Our Lord Jesus Christ can also direct this power even when it is confined physically.
I am very sorry for what has happened, and yet I can, in a very small way relate. i have been fighting a disability all my life. I understand the anger and the victimization.
Your ability to express yourself will be your 'salvation' - notwithstanding that in our Lord and Savior of course.
This ability will be a passion and a redemption for you all in one breath. Thank you for taking the courage to share the above with us, and know that we are with you in your struggle. Our hearts ride along side you.
Stephanie S. Sawyer
Superb writing in this excellent story Karen!
I hope you have your heroine coming to know the Lord
and finding some things of interest to take her mind
off of herself! You and Karla are perfect examples
of two productive people with disabilities,making life
the best you can,staying active through pain and suffering!
A page-turning novel about a relationship between best friends that is interrupted because of betrayal , deceit, sexual promiscuity and pregnancy happens!
I am so sorry for not writing for so long, but when one has to live with this godawful pain every day, it is hard to do much of anything, really.
