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Where Is God When You Really Need Him Most? Doesn't He Even Care?? by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Rated "PG" by the Author.
A young person doubts her faith in God after seeing her world crumbling in around her. (This is how I have been feeling lately; please keep me in your prayers.)
Every day it is the same: more heartache, more violence against innocent people, more killings, more immorality, more bashing out against Christians. It is getting to the point to where I don't even want to wake up anymore, for fear of what the new day might bring.
I also have been having problems: I had another fight with my boyfriend, Todd, and I also got into it with my best friend, Karie. In addition, daddy has taken to drinking again after he swore he would never touch the bottle again after the last time he promised to quit, and mom is busily trying to raise us and is working two jobs, just to try to keep ahead of the bills. And to boot, I just found out that my friend Ginger's little sister Amaiah was hit by a hit-and-run driver, and now she is in the hospital, suffering from a broken neck; and there is talk that she may be permanently paralyzed. Amaiah is only six. She is also in a coma, and there is no indication as to whether she will ever wake up again.
I am trying like anything to rely on God to get me through these problems, but it seems that the more I pray, the less He has time to even bother with me. He already has a worldful of people to take care of, how can He possibly have any time for ME?? I don't see anything happening, anything good, and frankly, I am getting to the point to where I don't even want to pray anymore. I also got into trouble the other day for praying during lunch, and the principal said if I prayed one more time I would be expelled from school because "I am not supposed to exercise my faith on school grounds, and that is totally against school policy".
I have been depressed, and it seems that all I have done these past few months is cry or feel sorry for myself. I am only a kid; I shouldn't be having all this crap going on in my life! If God loves me like He claims, then why are there bad things still happening here, and why aren't things getting any better?? I am sick and tired of asking for things I know He is tired of hearing me ask, and I am sick and tired of seeing other people get a break while I still seem to be stuck in this same old stupid rut with no way out! I am also sick and tired of hearing about gay this, gay that, and I am sick and tired of hearing about abortion, and I am just sick and tired of hearing about Iraq, more Americans being killed, and just the general shape of this stupid old world! If God cares, and if He loves us, WHY isn't He taking care of things instead of just sitting back on His High Horse and not giving a damn about us here?? I thought He was a Loving God!
I thought that when I became a Christian I would be happy and that I wouldn't have any problems, but it seems that ever since I did become a Christian, my problems have only seemed to have gotten a lot worse, and I am so miserable it seems that at times all I want to do is just curl up and die!! It seems that suicide is the only way out, and I don't even want to THINK of doing that; but when things keep on going as they have lately, that seems to be the only thought I have had on my mind lately!
Lately I just don't even care anymore, and I am sure that God would be much happier without me. I am too much of a pain, and I know He is sick and tired of me already! I don't know how much more I can take; I am past the point of caring, and my nerves are frazzled to the breaking point!
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Reviewed by Amira van Kerk
7/19/2004
Another outstanding write.
I fully understand. We often doubt his presence in our lifes, think he has forgotten about us or is ignoring our prayers. It takes alot of faith sometimes to stick to Him. But it is worth it. We would not survive without his love.
Stay well. All the best for you.
((((((((((Karen)))))))
No matter what we go through Christ remains by our sides, we may face trials and tribulations, but rest assured he is only as far away as we push them, and he hears all prayers and answers all in his timing not ours, and that is the important thing to remember...
God Bless
Your Friend Always
Michelle~
Karen, in our doubt lie the seeds of a greater faith. I, too, have felt like this and have learned to turn to the Psalms and Job and the gift of writing to carry me through to the other side, where I can often see that God was present even in His seeming absence. This story would be wonderful in a self-published collection of similar stories. Dawn
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Every day it is the same: more heartache, more violence against innocent people, more killings, more immorality, more bashing out against Christians. It is getting to the point to where I don't even want to wake up anymore, for fear of what the new day might bring.
