Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado, click
here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.
Paramedic Stories, Part XVII: Hangin' It All Up...(By Johnny Eaglefeather) by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
A paramedic decides that he has had enough of rescuing people and decides to quit.
I mentioned the last time I wrote that I was thinking of hanging up my stethescope and calling my paramedic career history. Well, I have decided that is exactly what I am going to do, and nothing can make me change my mind.
It all started when my father had a heart attack about a month ago, and ever since, it seems that I can't eat, can't sleep, or function, thanks to all the stress I am under. My nerves are shot, and it is all I can do to keep myself from taking a gun, putting it to my head, and blowing my goddamn brains out.
The clincher came today: a young woman in her later 20's to early 30's was pulled out of the water, blue, limp, and completely without life in her body. She had gone swimming and apparently suffered a seizure (she had epilepsy, we later found out, thanks in part to the MedicAlert necklace she wore around her neck), and she went under; by the time someone realized that she was missing, it was too late, and she was already lying at the bottom of the lake. We responded to the call, and once we got her out of the water, we immediately started CPR and other lifesaving measures; but to no avail. She remained unmoving, limp, and looking more dead than alive. We loaded her into the back of the ambulance, still pounding on her as we did so, anything to bring her back, and we said a quick prayer when the ambulance left. All we could hope was that someone at the hospital could get her back because we couldn't, no matter how hard we tried.
I also was thinking about some of the other "Code calls" we had in the past: Louisiana Sandusky's kids Johnny and Ronee' had been the victims of Code Blue calls themselves (the girl had serious allergies and asthma, and once in a while, she would get into trouble and would quit breathing; as for the boy, her brother, he had seizures and other medical problems, and he would stop breathing too, whenever his airway would get blocked somehow), my daddy having to suffer a massive heart attack and our having to pound on him and shock him to get his heart restarted, the countless other heart attack or stroke victims we tended to, babies found lying dead in their cribs because of SIDS or because their goofy parents accidentally rolled onto them or sat on them, suffocating the life out of their tiny bodies, horrific car accidents that left victims hopelessly maimed or disabled for life, electrocutions or lightning strikes, domestic disputes that would quickly escalate into dangerous, life-threatening situations, or gang-related stabbings or shootings where blood would pour out of victims like rain. Some of these victims lived, happily to say, but others weren't so fortunate, and nothing we could have done could have prevented them from dying; and they ended up dying despite all of our best efforts in trying to save them.
At the thought of these calls, my eyes filled with tears, and I knew that I had reached a critical decision in my life. I decided that the paramedic's life was just too much for me to be able to handle right now, and I wanted something that was a lot less stressful and not so demanding on my own physical (or mental) health. I was not sleeping or eating as well as I should, and I was starting to get unexplained symtoms like heart palpitations, dizziness, achy joints that hurt worse in inclimate weather, ringing in my ears, dry mouth, and rattled nerves. I was a bundle of nerves, and I was a shaking, nauseated, nervous wreck. I also suffered from horrible mood swings, and I was always depressed. So I knew, for the sake of my own health (and also the health and well being of those around me), I had nothing better to do than to call it quits as a paramedic/EMT because I just couldn't take it any more.
I don't know what I will be doing down the road or where I will go, but one thing IS certain: I won't be riding shotgun in the back of a careening ambulance anymore, and I won't be pounding an unconscious person further into oblivion trying to get life back into their deadlike bodies; and I won't be on call 24 million hours a day, every week, every month, every day of the year! I have had it with Emergency Rescue, and I need to find myself before I go fucking crazy!!
no one understands the traumas done to paramedic's minds (or other medical professionals), they almost saves, the should have beens...the daily assault on their sanity...you've captured it perfectly and dramatically in this piece. WELL DONE!
Spoken Word
This CD will touch the deepest inner part of your humanness and spirit, you will never be the same after listening to the depths of struggle, the reality of life, the touching voice of truth. It will shock you, move you to tears. It w
A page-turning novel about a relationship between best friends that is interrupted because of betrayal , deceit, sexual promiscuity and pregnancy happens!
I mentioned the last time I wrote that I was thinking of hanging up my stethescope and calling my paramedic career history. Well, I have decided that is exactly what I am going to do, and nothing can make me change my mind.
