M'Kaya Jefferson, now living in New York City, is staying with her mother in Tennessee due to the increased terror threat in New York City. She feels safer at her mother's place. She writes a letter to her friends in Tennessee, letting them know what has been going on in her life.
Weds., August 4, 2004~
Dear All:
This is M'Kaya writing. I hope you are all well. I am okay, not great, but okay; and I am staying here at Mama's place here in Tennessee until all this terror threat stuff is overwith and done. I feel like a prisoner with all the increased security measures that are going on in my city, and I couldn't handle it any more, so I hopped a bus and got in to Tennessee the other night. As a result, I am still tired, stiff, and sore from the unbearably long bus ride, and I am glad to be off that confound thing! It seemed like we would never get to Tennessee!
I have Stefan with me; Franklin stayed behind to work at his job, as he couldn't get the time off, which greatly upset me. I don't like his being by himself with the increased terror alert, and I am scared that something awful will happen to him; and I don't know what I would do if that were to happen! I don't think I could live with myself! Whenever Franklin isn't with me, I am in a panic, and I can't calm down until I see his HUMMER appear in our drive or see him coming to the door of our apartment! I already lost Stephanie and other friends in the terror attacks of September 11, 2001, and the pain of it is still too much for me to bear, especially now with the increased terror threat and the anniversary date of September 11, 2001, fast approaching!
I have my bad days and my good days, when it comes to the pain and other crap that I am dealing with every day, in regards to my physical well being (my fibro, my MS, my phantom pain, etc.). I still use my little crutches primarily for short trips or in my apartment (or at Mama's house, where I am now), but I use my chair other times, or on days where I am having more pain than what is usual for me. I still have my vision problems from time to time, or the fatigue and headaches, and at times the pain is so great it feels as though I am about to split in two, and nothing--not even the pills I am on to help with the pain, the hot showers, or cold compresses--seems to help. At times I am in such horrific pain it is all I can do to keep from wanting to kill myself or scream out in frustration!!
Little Stefan is no more...he is really getting big now! He is going to be one year old on September 11, 2004, and already he is wearing size T2 clothing! It is amazing at just how big the kid is: he may be technically still an infant, but he looks more like a two-to-three-year-old child, and he is walking and is starting to talk now. He can say "Mama" and "DaDa", and he can say "Kitty" (yes, I still have "Fur-Face", by the way; she is as fat and as sassy as ever!), and he can say "Doggie," "Do'" (his word for "Door"), "Cah" ("Car"), "Bopple" ("Bottle"), "Up",
"Dow'" ("Down"), "Eat", "Go-Bet" (his word for "Bedtime" or "Nap"), "Hummuh" (his other word for "Car"), "F'ag" ("Flag"; he doesn't prononuce his "L'S" too clearly! LOL), "Bye-Bye" (his word for "Ride", "Trip", or "Good-bye"; it's one of his "multi-meaning" words), and "ight-ight" ( should be self explanatory, but he actually means "Lights!"). He is learning new words every day, and it is obvious that he has his daddy's spark of genius! He is a very bright little boy, and he is always so happy! He really has been a blessing to me, and to Franklin, and we are blessed to have him in our lives! He is such a special little boy, and we just can't imagine our lives without little Stefan!
Daddy (Franklin) still says that little Stefan is going to be a quarterback for the Giants; he looks just like a miniature football player! He is husky in build, and being so tall, it's no wonder people are always so amazed whenever we tell him that he is just going to be a year old on September 11!
I judge Louisiana Sandusky is still as busy as ever with her million kids! It seems that her family gets larger each time I see her! LOL I know she has written a book about her family, but I didn't write to her after she wrote to me during the summer, and I am afraid that she is mad at me. I would love to have a copy of my own, but I have been too scared to ask her for one! I wonder how she is doing.
I also wonder about M'Buti and Roberto. It's been ages since I last heard from them, and the last time I heard from them, she hadn't had the twins (Eshe' and Kibarake) yet. She was still pregnant at the time. I wonder if she is still the skinny and tall beauty that I remember, and I wonder if her husband is still in the military or is still the wild, untamed maverick that he was the last time I was in town! I wish they would write to me; it has been a while since I got any decent mail, and all I have been getting lately it seems is bills, bills, and yet more BILLS!!! GRRRRR!! I HATE bills! I REALLLLLLLLLLLY do!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! >:(
Not much is new with me, other than the stuff I wrote about henceforth. I am still battling my stupid MS and my stupid fatigue and also my stupid pain, and I am getting sick of it all! I wish I were like I were before I got the NecFac or even before the MS! I miss the old me; I do NOT like the SICK ME very much! I make one hell of a LOUSY patient, and I know Louie knows that for a fact! She really had a time with me! It's a wonder she didn't knock me out one with her cane; I am sure I drove her crazy a time or two (or possibly even three!)! LOL And this terror shit is NOT helping my already frazzled nerves any! I am so scared and so upset about the whole thing I am ready to jump out of my skin and take off running! (That is, if I COULD run, but I am afraid that I would NOT get very far on my crutches!)
I will write more when I can. I am sorry for not writing, but things have been very busy with me and the baby and with Franklin, and with the Anniversary Date approaching, it seems all I do is get scareder and scareder each and every day, and I am about to go MAD!! I will be SOOO glad when it is over! (The only GOOD thing about September 11 is my baby boy, Stefan, and he will be one year old then! But everything else about it is BUNK! I HATE it! Too many painful reminders of what was and what IS, and I am sorry, but this is NO way to live!!)
Will write more when I can. Until then, take care!
Spoken Word
This CD will touch the deepest inner part of your humanness and spirit, you will never be the same after listening to the depths of struggle, the reality of life, the touching voice of truth. It will shock you, move you to tears. It w
Weds., August 4, 2004~
