Chapter 6

Frustrated tears sprang to Kim’s eyes as she set the jar of pickles on the counter and sank into the kitchen chair. “I can’t do anything!” She wailed. Kim had never felt more alone and helpless in all her life. When the phone began to ring Kim just stared at it. After half a dozen rings it went quiet again. Eventually she picked up the soda and sandwich from the counter and took it into the living room. As hard as she tried Kim could not make herself eat and ended up picking at the food on her plate. Sighing Kim carried the plate back to the kitchen and dumped the scraps in the trash.

Nick had returned to work so Kim was alone in the house. She had insisted on making him breakfast before he left even after he told her to sleep in. They ate together for the first time in a while. Kim Nick to the door where they shared a kissed before he rushed out to his truck. When he had driven away Kim went back into the house. After clearing away the breakfast dishes Kim decided to take a shower. As se stood in the shower Kim traced her hand down the scar on her chest. She began to wonder if Nick would still want to be with her with this huge scar or would he be repulsed when he saw this.

Kim finished her shower then decided to straighten a few things around the apartment. As she went about putting things back in their place Kim’s mind remained on her scarred appearance. After hours of brooding Kim thought she was going to drive herself crazy. She decided some fresh air might help to clear her mind so she grabbed her cell phone and keys and headed for the door. The phone ringing on the entrance way table stopped her in her tracks. Kim thought about letting the machine take the call but something drew her back to the phone. She reached out for it with a shaking hand and brought it to her ear. “Hello?” She said tentatively. “Something happened to Nick.” Abby’s panicked voice meet her greeting. “I don’t know how bad things are but Gary just called me from his cell and said they were taking him to the ER.” Abby said her voice breaking. Kim’s head spun and she felt her legs giving way.  She slid down the wall and dropped her head into her hands. Sobs rose from deep inside her and ripped painfully from her throat. She eventually brought the phone back on to her ear. “I have to go to the hospital now.” She said. “You can’t drive in your state of mind. I’m on my way to get you now I want you to meet me outside. I should be there in five minutes.” Abby said.

Kim paced the living room while she waited for Abby to arrive. When she saw Abby’s car pull up in front of the apartment building Kim rushed out the front door and nearly forgot to lock the front door. Silence  hung heavy as Abby drove to Central General. Kim spent the drive contemplating her husband’s fate. Was he still alive? Had he made it to the hospital? Tears sprang to her eyes when she thought about losing Nick. 

They pulled into emergency room and Abby dropped Kim off at the double doors before driving around to park. Kim rushed through the doors and was directed to a waiting area. Abby joined her a few minutes later. They huddled together praying desperately. When a doctor approached both” women held their breath. “Your husband is hanging on by a thread. He was shot in the upper left chest. The bullet missed his heart by  just centimeters. It is miraculous he even survived long enough to be brought to the hospital. He is in the ICU now. We are going to be watching him very close for the next few hours. His health is very unstable. You can go see him for a few minutes when we get him into his room. I’m afraid you won’t be able to stay for very long though.” He said somberly.   The doctor left and Kim broke down. She clung to Abby as the sobs rose from her throat. When she had regained her composure Kim sat up and wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of one shaky hand. “I just don’t know what I would do if something happened to Nick. He’s the reason I’m alive. If he were gone I think I would just curl up and die.” She said swallowing another sob. “He’s going to be okay. If he survived this long God’s not going to let him die now.” Abby tried to reassure her friend. “I hope you’re right.” Kim said weakly. “I’m afraid my faith is not as strong as yours.” Kim said turning to Abby.  “I felt the same way before Allie was born. The doctor thought she was going to be die when she was born but they were wrong. God had a plan for my little girl. He never intended for her to die.” Abby said as tears traced each other down her cheeks. “If anything convinced me someone bigger than  myself was in control Allie is. He’s going to work things out with Nick according to his plan. If it is his time to go there is nothing we can do. We just have to accept his plan no matter what happen.” Placing her hand on Kim’s back. Silence fell heavy between the two women until a nurse came and told Kim Nick was in his room now and she could go back and see him for a few minutes. Kim rose on shaky legs and tried to force them to take her forward. Numbly she started to walk forward. She walked through the double doors and eventually found herself standing in front of the cubicle. Nick lay on a bed. A large bandage covered his upper left chest. Tubes ran across the bed. Kim caught her breath for a moment before she stepped up to the bed. Kim stood for a moment before reaching out to put her hand over his. She stood quietly by the bed and listened to the sounds of the machines helping to keep Nick alive.  Kim found comfort in the rhythm of the machines and knowing how they were helping her husband. Peace blanketed Kim as she followed the rest of the visiting family members out of the ICU. Abby was right. God was in control and he did know what he was doing. She just had to trust   him and know that no matter what happened it was a part of God’s plan. Kim found Abby gone from the waiting room. She had told Kim she might go home for a couple of hours to spend some time with Grace and Allie. Kim was relived to have some time alone. She went to a secluded area of the waiting room and sank into a chair. She pulled her knees up to her chest. Kim dropped her head on her knees and let her eyes slide closed. Tears slid past her lids and rolled down her cheeks and wet the knees on her jeans.  People passed by her but Kim didn’t even glance up.

Nick woke up feeling like a train had run over his chest. He fought to remember what had happened. Slowly the fog started to clear and Nick recognized his surroundings as one of the ICU rooms at Central General. He tired to sit up but a searing pain in his chest forced him back down. He tried to catch his breath as he stared at the stark white ceiling. The memory of the shooting came back to his mind in flashes. The images in his mind’s eye made chill bumps all over his body. He almost felt like he was back at the scene of his accident.

He saw himself standing next to Gary at the corner of an old dilapidated house in one of the roughest neighborhood in the city. Suddenly flashes of gunfire exploded around them. Nick  returned fire but the gunman disappeared from sight. Nick abandoned the shelter of the house and cautiously followed. Gary stayed behind him with his gun drawn. When Nick approached a small shed near the back of the house the man lunged from behind a pile of lumber and fired four shots before running from the shed. Nick was blown backwards and hit the wall. A bright red stain blossomed on his shirt. Gary followed the man and returned saying he had lost the man when he jumped a fence and blended into a large group of people on the street. He rushed to Nick’s side and knelt beside him on the dirt floor as he barked orders into the radio attached to his own shirt. Nick started to see his vision swirl from the loss of blood and fought to remain conscious. As the sirens approached Nick felt the blackness sucking him in and was too weak to resist any longer.  He vaguely recalled  coming to a few time when he was being loaded into the ambulance and through out the ride to the hospital.

As he was moved from the stretcher Nick felt pain radiate through his shoulder and stars flashed before his eyes. Nick gritted his teeth and fought to remain conscious. A doctor approached the bed and began to gently probing the outer edges of Nick’s wound. Pressure escalated to pain as he inched closer to the center.  As the doctors fingers delicately explored the core of the wound Nick could not restrain a moan. The doctor retreated from view and a nurse took his place. She set to work setting up another IV in his arm. One IV had been set up on the ride to the hospital. Nick fought the wave of pain and struggled to remain conscious. He heard  the word “surgery” float around the room but nothing was said to him. When a nurse repositioned his arm pain seared through his chest and blackness began sucking him under again. Nick tried to allow his muscles to relax and let the feeling take him under.

Kim glanced up when she heard someone walking across the deserted waiting room. Abby sashayed gracefully across the room navigating through the chairs. Kim noticed she look fatigued and felt pangs of guilt for putting more strain on her friend. As Abby lowered herself into the chair next to Kim felt relief washing wash away the previous feeling. Abby was silent for a moment trying to break into Kim’s thoughts. “You look tired.” Kim said stating the obvious and breaking the silence. “I cooked supper and gave Grace a bath before I came back. My mom  came over to take care of both of them tonight so I could stay here with you. Gary offered to watch them but he is so shaken up over Nick I didn’t think he was really able.” Abby said wearily. Kim suddenly remember Gary was also involved in this. He was likely sitting at home kicking himself for allowing Nick to be injured. Kim was reminded of a time when things had been reversed. Gary had been critically injured and Nick had blamed himself.

When Nick awoke after the surgery his head was fuzzy. As he tried to clear away the fog Nick noticed a nurse entering the cubical. Quietly she began taking his vitals. He watched listlessly as she recorded the information the being transmitted on the display. Finally she turned to him. “We’re going to get the trachea tube out soon since you are awake now.” She said reassuringly.  Nick tried to communicate his need to see Kim but the tube prevented any recognizable sound from coming out. The fog thickened in his head and Nick felt sleep sucking his under again. As he surrendered to the blackness Nick’s thought remained on Kim. He knew she would be sick with worry and he needed to reassure her he was okay. He hoped when he woke up the tube was gone so he was able to speak.

Kim fought waves of nausea as she nibbled on a sandwich Abby had brought her from the cafeteria.  As she continued  to eat Kim felt the food settled like a rock in the pit of her stomach. Kim realized too late eating had been a huge mistake. She felt the bile churning up and burning her throat. Kim gritted her teeth as she tried to will the food to stay down. When she realized what she was fighting was a losing battle Kim rushed to the restroom and scurried into the first empty stall. After securing the door Kim knelt on the cold tile floor. As the nausea flooded her Kim dropped her head between her knees and waited for the feeling to pass. The feeling increased and Kim found herself kneeling over the toilet bowl. When she was done Kim rose on shaky legs and opened the stall door. Crossing to the sink Kim turned on the tap and splashed water on her face. It instantly brought  back memories of her days of battling bulimia. She vividly remembered the daily struggle to stay not to rid her body of the food which she had just eaten. Through the grace of God and realizing the deep, unconditional love of her husband Kim had been able to recover from the eating disorder but at time especially when she was under stress Kim still found herself battling the desire to return to the way of coping which had become so familiar to her. Kim turned the water off and made her way back to the waiting room. She found Abby already waiting for her and paging through one of the outdated magazines. When  she spotted Kim crossing the room a look of concern crossed her face and she met Kim halfway across the room. Abby gently took Kim by the shoulders and lead her to the nearest chair. “Are you okay? Your face looks really pale.” She said gazing into her friend’s face. “I’m okay. The sandwich I ate didn’t agree with me. I ended up making a trip to the bathroom.” She tried to reassure Abby. Silence hung heavy as Abby seemed to process what Kim was telling her. “Did you backtrack?” Abby said finally. “I didn’t make myself throw up if that is what you mean.” Kim said hurt showing in her deep brown eyes. She turned away from Abby and wrapped her arms around her ribs. She was trying to a absorb the blow dealt by Abby. Kim could not believe Abby would think Kim wouldn’t tell her if she had regressed into bulimia. The hurt stung deeply. Abby’s soft voice broke into Kim’s thoughts. “I’m sorry I thought you had lied to me. I should have known better than to think you wouldn’t tell me if you had broke down and gone back to the distinctive ways. If you forgive me I promise to never doubt you again.” She said touching Kim’s arm gently. Kim turned and pulled Abby into her arms. “I’m just so stressed over this situation with Nick I guess I am very over sensitive. It was only natural you would think I had broken under this pressure.” She said into Abby’s hair. After a moment Kim pushed away from Abby and pulled a tissue from the box on the table. As she was blotting her eyes Kim observed a nurse crossing the desolate room. Both women held their breath as she began speaking. “Your husband is awake and insisting on seeing you. We can’t get him calm so the doctor has decided to let you go in for a few minutes. I have to say you can’t stay more than five minutes.” She said pleadingly. Kim followed the nurse on shaky legs. Kim could have never prepared for what she met her in the small cubicle where Nick lay. His complexion was gray and he could barely lift a finger. As she struggle to raise his arm Kim rushed to his beside and took his hand in both of her own. He tried to speak but only garbled sounds came out. His energy had been spent convincing the staff to allow Kim to see him. Seeing Nick in the weakened state broke Kim’s heart and she fought desperately to hold back tears. As she stood beside him Kim brought his hand to her face and gently kissed it. A nurse came to the doorway of the cubicle. Regretfully Kim kissed her husband on the cheek and turned to leave.

Returning to the waiting room Kim found Abby still there and anxiously anticipating a report. Kim took a seat beside her friend as she tried to arrange her thoughts. Abby graciously allowed Kim to collect herself before she asked the question burning in her mind.

“How is he?” Abby asked urgently. Tears welled up in her eyes and Kim felt a know rise in her throat when she tried to speak. She retreated to the tissues and tugged several from the box. Wadding them up Kim stuffed them hurriedly into the corner of her right eye before switching to blot the other. Abby waited patiently for Kim to regain her composure. Compassionately Abby gazed into Kim’s face. “He’s much worse than the doctor is trying telling me.” Kim wailed. As she recounted her visit with Nick Abby sat quietly and when Kim had finished Abby reached across and took Kim into her arms. As she melted Abby’s embrace Kim tried to allow the comfort but the image of Nick lying there kept coming back to her mind. Tears sprang to her eyes when Kim thought about losing Nick. She could not bear the thought of living her life without him. Since they had married Nick had become part of her heart and soul. She knew it was out of her hands but this did not stop Kim from worrying about Nick’s fate. Silently she berated herself for not having enough faith in God’s plan for both their lives. 

Nick drifted in and out of consciousness. Dreams permeated his sleep. As he felt himself being carried to the other realm.

As Kim followed the somber group headed to the ICU a nurse called her aside and asked to speak to her. Kim’s heart raced as she stepped into the empty cubicle. “I know  you must have a special bond with your husband. He lights up when you walk into his room. We have a hard time getting him awake. It’s like he doesn’t even try for anyone else. Between you and me I think the doctor should allow him to be moved to a private room so you could be with him all the time. I think he would recover faster. I know he has to stay where he is so we can watch him closely but I still think he could benefit from having you near him all the time.” She said placing her hand gently on Kim’s arm. Just knowing she had an ally in her mission. She had started to get the feeling the staff was trying to keep Nick in ICU endlessly. She entered the cubicle where Nick was with her heart lighter than it had been since ordeal had began.

Nick smiled when he saw Kim come though the door of the small room which had become his world. He reached a shaky hand out to her as she approached the bed. Kim took his hand and raised it to her face where she caressed it gently with her lips. “I missed you so much.” Nick croaked. Going to the table Kim brought back his water glass and turned the straw to his lips. Nick drank gratefully before trying to speak again. “I don’t know if they ever plan on letting me out of here.” He said laughing. The laughter caused Nick to begin to cough and Kim had to retrieve his water again. When his coughs had subsided Nick leaned back against the pillows and tried to catch his breath. Kim stood beside him quietly and held on to his hand with all of her strength. Before Nick could regain his voice a nurse came to tell Kim visiting time was over and she needed to go back to the waiting room. Nick tried to speak but no sounds would come out. Kim kissed him on the cheek. “It’s okay. You just try to rest now. I’ll see you in a little while.” She said before turning hesitantly to leave. Nick watched her go and fought back tears. He was beginning to feel he was never going to be released from the hospital. He knew this was taking it’s toll on Kim even though she tried not to let it show. He could see the dark circles under her eyes growing by the day. It also seemed she had lost weight and Nick knew this was the last thing she needed to do.

“Kim would you please stop fussing?” Nicked asked impatiently. “If I need anything I will let you know or call for the nurse. Please just come and sit down beside me. That’s all I need right now. Nick had been watching Kim scurry around the room making sure Nick was as comfortable as he could be at all times. As the morning had worn on Nick noticed Kim starting to wear down but she still refused to stop fretting over him. In the time Nick had known Kim he had learned when she acted this way something was on her mind.

 “Kim when are you going to tell me what is  bothering you?” He asked as she fluffed his pillows for the tenth time that hour. “I don’t have anything on my mind.” Kim avoided Nick’s eyes as she straightened the covers on the bed again. “Kimberly Natasha Sullivan Arlington, I’ve known you long enough to know when you are lying to me. Why won’t you tell me what’s going on?”

Kim stood with her back to Nick as she contemplated telling him. Although she had not been to see a doctor Kim was almost certain she was pregnant. The morning of Nick’s accident she had finally broken down and bought a home pregnancy test. Anxiously she had waited for the results. When the exact amount of time had elapsed she approached the test lying on the bathroom counter as if it had been a snake ready to strike. Fully aware the results would change her life forever Kim picked it up slowly. What she saw made her lightheaded and nauseous. Gripping the counter Kim sat down carefully on the side of the tub. A baby. Kim never thought after the years of abusing her body she would ever be able to conceive. “I guess miracles really do happen.” She whispered to herself.

As the days had worn on Kim had forced the pregnancy to the back of her mind. Her focus has become getting Nick back. When he had started the slow, steady recovery Kim knew she needed to tell him but the right moment had never come. Each time she has started to tell him something had always interrupted her.

Standing with her back to Nick Kim struggled to find the right words. She needed to tell hi. He deserved to know. This baby was part of him too. “I have to tell you something. Before you were shot I found out something and ever since I have been trying to find the right words and time to tell you. I hope you aren’t going to be mad at me for waiting so long. I’m pregnant. I took a home pregnancy test the day you were injured. I was going tell you when you got home from work that night. 

“Kim, come here.” Nick said reaching him arm out to his wife. “I could never be mad at the mother of my child.” Nick reached out to place his hand gently on her belly. “Things have been chaotic for the past two weeks. I can understand why you haven’t been able to tell me. I wish you would learn not to beat yourself up over things which aren’t in your control. You don’t need the added stress.” He said stroking her cheek. 

“I can’t believe we’re going to have a baby.” Nick whispered.

“I know. Even after the doctors said we probably wouldn’t be able to have children. I guess God had a different plan. When I saw the pregnancy test it made me realize miracles really do happen. Even when we have lost faith God will still surprise us and show us he has good things in store for us.” Kim said smiling down at her husband.

“I hate to burst your bubble, but this pregnancy is a very serious situation. You need to see a high risk specialist immediately,” Abby said gravely.

 Kim felt her excitement deflate as she stared into her friend’s eyes. The women were having coffee in the hospital cafeteria. Nick had insisted she get away from the room for an hour. The reason he had given was the strain apparent in her face but Kim suspected he did not want her to see him struggling through the physical therapy session. A quick call downstairs to Abby’s office confirmed she  was free to grab a cup of coffee. Ten minutes later the women found themselves seated in a sunny corner over steaming cups of enticing brew. “I can recommend someone if you like. There are several doctors in the field I’ve had the chance to work with over the years. Some of them are very competent. You know I will do everything I can to help you through this.” Abby said honestly. “I don’t know why but it had not yet occurred to me my past would endanger my baby. Since I conceived despite everything I had been told I just assumed everything would be fine. I should have known better.” Kim said as tears began to chase each other down her porcelain cheeks. Abby watched as Kim’s petite features contorted painfully.

Abby longed to do more than offer her friend mere words. Kim had already suffered more than anyone could imagine. She shouldn’t have to endure this. Silently Abby prayed, asking God how this could be a part of his plan. “I know you have each of our lives planned out perfectly but I am only human and I don’t see how Kim enduring more suffering could benefit anyone. Since I’m not you and I can’t see into the future all I can do is trust you and ask for your wisdom to find the right words to comfort her.” Abby said before turning her attention back to Kim.

“If you take care of yourself and stay under the care of a capable doctor you can deliver a healthy baby. It’s just harder for you because of your past medical history.” Abby said reassuringly. 

As Abby returned to work her mind remained on Kim. On returning to the office Abby shut the door behind her. Sitting at her desk Abby folded her hands in front of her on the desk. Thoughtfully she stared into space for five minutes before paging through her address book. Finding the information she sought Abby picked up the phone and began dialing.

“Your progress in physical therapy is more than sufficient evidence that you are ready to be released.” Nick beamed at hearing the words come from the doctor.

 The good news was met with mixed emotions on Kim’s part. She had been avoiding telling him about her conversation with Abby. He was going to be devastated when he knew the risks involved. Kim had decided not to tell him until after he was out of the hospital, thinking this would buy her more time to decide the best way to break the news to him.

Doctor Edward Perry picked up the phone in his plush Texas office. Doctor Perry, although well known in his field, was one of the most down to earth individuals a person could meet. His rapid rise to the top of his field had amazed his colleagues but not his patients. Edward Perry was passionate about saving and protecting lives. This passion was what had propelled Edward to the top of the ranks. 

“I never would have thought I would hear from Abby Harrison after we parted ways out of medical school.” Doctor Perry chuckled as he leaned back in his chair.

 “  I wish I could say this is a friendly call but the truth is I need your help. A good friend of mine has just discovered she is pregnant. She also has a history of bulimia. Approximately six months ago she began recovery.” Abby cut right to the chase, realizing the value of Doctor Edward’s time.

“You know I will so all I can do to help but as I am sure you are aware there are doctors in her area who could take care of her.” He replied.

“I know there are competent specialist in California but you are the foremost expert in the country. If you could take care of her I would forever grateful and I sure she and her husband would be too. They are both great people and don’t deserve all the bad things which are happening to them.” Abby said edging on tears.

“I’ll do everything I can. Have your friend call and make an appointment. Tell her to mention your name to the receptionist. She’ll work her in as soon as she can.” He said.

After a few minutes more of conversation Abby hung up the phone. As she shut the door to her office Abby tried to force her mind back to work. Knowing she had done all she could at the time eased her mind slightly.