Chapter 7

“I can’t go all the way to Texas to see a specialist. Nick needs me here. I appreciate you trying to help but right now I need to just focus on getting him well before I can take care of myself.” Kim said.

“You don’t understand. It is imperative you see a doctor. Your life and the life of your baby could depend on it. Doctor Perry is the leading specialist  in the country and he is willing to work you into his already hectic schedule. You don’t need to delay calling him.” Abby  tried to persuade her friend.

“I can’t promise anything right now. All I can say is I will think about it.” Kim said after a moment of silence.

Abby decided it would not be wise to push Kim further. The women exchanged farewells. Abby hung up the phone praying Kim would make the right decision. It was in Kim’s hands now. Abby had done all she could. When Grace called Abby was pulled from her thoughts. As the day progressed Kim crossed her mind but Abby refused to dwell on the situation. 

Kim hung up the phone slowly. Abby’s words replayed in her head as she rose and tried to go about her day. Nick slept in his recliner and Kim stood in the doorway of the living room five minutes watching him before seeking solitude in the bedroom. She knew what she needed to do but Kim didn’t know how she could afford to make the trip to Texas when Nick still needed her so much. She didn’t see how she could be selfish and focus on her own needs but she could afford not to. Kim placed her hand gently on her belly. “There’s a child growing inside of me, another human being. Doesn’t he or she deserve the chance at life.” She thought. Deciding they did, Kim picked up the phone and began to dial the number Abby had given her. 

The appointment was set for later in the week.

Kim left the bedroom praying Nick would be understanding. As she entered the living room Nick was just beginning to stir. Kim took a seat on the couch and turned to face him. “Abby told me because of my past this baby is at risk. I need to see a specialist. Abby arranged for the top specialist in the country to see me. The problem is he is in Texas. I have an appointment on a week from Friday.” Kim said hesitantly.

Nick stared into space for a few moments. Kim held her breath anxiously.

“It never occurred to me your past could have an impact on the present. I’m not really sure what to think. I’m glad you have a friend like Abby who can help you get the help you need. Is Abby going with you to the appointment? I know I can’t travel that far right now. As much as I would like to I know it isn’t possible.” Nick said finally.

“I don’t know if Abby would be able to take off from work to go with me. She is stretched to the limit as it is. I would hate to ask her to more than she already has.” Kim said doubtfully.

“You can’t travel alone. This much is sure. You have to find someone to go with you.” Nick said decidedly.

“I just don’t know who we could find to go with me. If I fly then my mom could meet me at the airport. That way I wouldn’t be alone for very long. I know you are concerned we really don’t have many options. I have to go to the appointment, you can’t travel, I have to go by myself. At least until I get to Texas.” Kim tried to convince Nick.

He thought for a moment. Finally he signed in defeat. “I guess you are right. I’ll have to trust God to keep both of you safe when you travel. He’s never let me down before. He has no reason to start now.” He said motioning Kim to join him. Having her in his arms felt indescribable. It was a feeling he never wanted to lose. He found himself praying, begging God not to take his wife away from him. He realized he would rather lose the child she carried. Children could always be adopted. He could never love another woman the way he did Kim.

Plans quickly fell together for Kim to fly to Texas. When Kim called her mother to tell her about the pregnancy and need to see the specialist her mother had insisted upon paying for Kim to fly. Eventually it was decided for Kim to spend a week after the appointment.

Gary promised to keep an eye on Nick and Abby assured Kim her husband would never be without food. Tearfully Kim clung to Nick at the loading gate on the morning of her departure. She knew he would be cared for as well as she would done but she still hated to leave him on his own, especially for an extended period of time.

As she took her seat Kim’s mind was still heavy with concern. She tried to ease her own mind, realizing worrying was not going to help and might even put herself or her child in danger. Leaning her head against the headrest Kim closed her eyes and tried to relax.

Dreams disturbed her attempts at sleep. Finally she gave up and picked a magazine from the cart when the stewardess came. Absently she paged though the glossy pages, reading the same paragraph repeatedly. When an announcement came over the speaker Kim looked up from her book. “We are preparing to land at Dallas International Airport. Please fasten your seat belts and prepare to disembark. Thank you for flying California Airlines.” The speaker squealed at the end of the announcement, causing everyone to cover their ears.

The wheels of the plane touched down softly on the runway. Only a slight bounce was felt by those inside the plane.

Once on the ground Kim made her way hastily to the terminal. She found her mother waiting just inside the gate. On seeing her daughter Marta lit up. After a warm embrace, Marta stepped back to take a look at Kim.  “You look exhausted. Let’s get your bags so we can get out of here.” She said turning toward the baggage claim.

Gary dropped Nick off at his house, offer to stay a while, but Nick insisted he would be fine alone. Once inside the house Nick made himself a snack and sat down in front of the television. He tried to watch the afternoon news report but his mind wandered to Kim, where she was, and what she was doing. Nick finally gave in and picked up the phone. His mother in law picked up the call. “Kim’s asleep. She laid down as soon as we got back from the airport. I was going to wake her up in about an hour, when dinner was ready. Do you want me to have her call you after dinner?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll just call her back later.” Nick said before he hung up the phone.

Disappointed, Nick carried his plate to the kitchen and placed it in the sink. He thought about calling Gary but decided he didn’t want to interrupt the limited time he had with his family. After the news ended Nick reluctantly retired to the bedroom. After several hours of tossing and turning he fell into a light sleep.

Kim awoke feeling groggy. She sat up in the bed, puzzled, trying to figure out where she was. The room seemed familiar but her foggy brain refused to register the reason. A light knock on the door pulled Kim from her thought. Her mother poked her head inside the room. Suddenly everything came back to her. She remembered the trip that morning and coming back to stay with her mother.

“Are you hungry? Dinner is on the table. I made your favorite, roast and carrots.” She asked stepping inside the room.

Kim stretched her arms over her head carefully, feeling her muscles protest. “I’m not hungry but I know I need to eat something anyway.” She confessed.  “I’ll be there in a few minutes. Let me go freshen up.” She said swinging her legs over the edge of the bed.

When her mother had gone, Kim went to her suitcase and dug her hairbrush out. Going to the mirror she started to drag the brush through the tangled mess. Tossing the brush to the bed Kim rubbed her hands over her face before turning to leave.

The aroma wafting from the kitchen met Kim as soon as she opened the bedroom door. She followed the smells and found her mother setting the table. “We’ll be ready to eat in just a minute. Just let me get this silverware on the table. You didn’t take as long as I thought to freshen up. I didn’t get the chance to ask, but how was your flight?” Marta continued to chatter as Kim took a seat at the table. Kim felt a pang of guilt when she realized how lonely her mother had been since the death of her father. Kim had been so wrapped up in her own life she had failed to realize her mother needed her. Silently she promised herself she had to do better.

As they were clearing the table the phone rang. Kim carried the dishes to the kitchen as her mother went to take the call.

“Kim, Nick is on the phone for you.” She said. As Kim went to take her call Marta began filling the sink with water to wash the dishes.

“I miss you.” Nick’s voice came over the line.

“I want to come home. At home, taking care of you, is where I belong.” Kim blurted out.

“No, sweetie, you need to stay there and see the doctor. You can come home just as soon as that’s over. I know it’s hard. I really miss you too, but you need to stay there right now.” Nick tried to encourage his wife.

“How you are holding up?” Kim asked quietly

“I had physical therapy this afternoon, so I am tired and sore now, but I’m okay. Gary drove me and brought me home. You don’t have to worry about me. Abby and Gary are taking great care of me.”

“I don’t doubt Abby’s abilities. You know me, I just always feel like I can do it better.” Kim said with a sigh.

“I know, believe me, I know. Right now we really don’t have a choice. You’re just going to have to trust Abby to take care of me and focus on taking care of yourself.” Nick tried to convince Kim.

Reluctantly she hung up the phone, relinquishing her only connection to Nick. Sighing she rose from the side of the bed and made her way back to the kitchen. Finding it empty, she sat down at the table. Her mother found her ten minutes later, absently studying a spot on table. She ran her finger over the spot and stared into space.

“Is everything okay? What did Nick have to say?” She asked sitting down across from Kim.

“He’s fine. Abby is taking great care of him. I should be there Mom, he needs me. I’m his wife,  not Abby. I should be the one taking him to his physical therapy sessions. No one should have to do my job!” Kim continued her rant. Marta sat silently, letting her release her frustrations.

“It’s normal for you to feel like this. Your life is a roller coaster right now. As I am sure Nick told you there is not much you can really do. You have to be here. Nick can’t travel at present. He’ll manage without you. In the end you will see things will work out as they should. You really don’t need to stress yourself over this. It’s not good for you or for the baby.” Marta said kindly.

“I know worrying is bad but I can’t help it. When I should be there taking care of him I have to be here, waiting to see a doctor because of my own stupid mistakes. My baby could be in danger and Nick is having to suffer as well!” Kim sobbed.

“Kimberly Natasha, you have to snap out of this. All you are doing is beating up yourself over something you cannot change. If you really want to make a difference you will pick yourself up, dust yourself off and make the best of the hand you have been dealt. I don’t mean to be harsh but you are getting no where throwing this pity party for yourself. This has happened and now you have to deal with it. That’s all there is to it.”

Kim stared open mouthed at her mother for several minutes.

“You’re right. I have been acting like a spoiled brat since I arrived. I am sorry for being so whiny.” Kim said apologetically.

“The way you were acting is not unusual but you also need to accept your situation and move on. When you look back on this time five years from now you will realize things were not as bad as you see them right now. You will see they went exactly according to God’s plan. He has our best interests at heart, even when we don’t think so.” Her mother said quietly.

“I’m sure I will see it later but right now I don’t.” Kim said sadly.

“You seem to be doing well. The baby’s heart beat is very strong. I don’t want to give you a false sense of security, complications could still come along later. We are going to have to keep a close eye on your progress.” Doctor Perry said, draping his stethoscope around his neck and stepping back from Kim.

“I’m very relieved to hear you say that.” Kim said with a deep sigh.

“I am a bit concerned about you, I must admit. Your blood pressure was higher than I like to see. This could be attributed to stress. How are you feeling about the pregnancy? Are you scared, excited, concerned?

“I am excited but I am also very concerned for the health of my baby. My life is very stressful right now. My husband was injured. He’s a cop and was shot. Nick was just released from the hospital, which is why he is not here with me. He is not able to travel right now.”

Doctor Perry leaned against the counter as he listened. As Kim spoke he nodded his head but never tried to interrupt.

“Well, the good news is I think it would be perfectly safe for you to return home. You need to find an obstetrician to monitor you. I would expect you would want to have Abby oversee your case. She can send me reports and I will expect to see you again in three months.” He said making a few notes on Kim’s chart.

“What’s the bad news? Doesn’t bad news always follow good news?” Kim asked, eyeing the doctor wryly.

“You aren’t a optimist, are you?” He replied.

“I’m known for being starkly realistic.”  She said with a sigh.

“Well, the bad news if you want to consider it so, is I need you to stay a few days maybe even a week. There is a battery of tests which you need to undergo so we can get a baseline idea of where you are at this point in your pregnancy. If you feel up to it we can get started today. It would decrease the length of your stay. If you don’t think you could tolerate it, then we will start tomorrow.” He said.

“I’d like to get started today. Getting home is very important  to me.” Kim said anxiously.

“You’ll need to undergo a complete blood panel and ultra sound. I would recommend you have a test called an amniocentecious, which would help detect physical and mental disabilities. I won’t insist you have it because it increases your risk of miscarriage and pre-term labor. The decision is your’s to make. It is something you need to consider.” He encouraged.

“Let me call my husband. He needs to have a say in this. It’s his baby too.” Kim said, fighting the lump rising in her throat.

“I think that is the right choice for now. I’ll get a nurse in here to get your lab work done and then we will get you down to X-ray for the ultra sound.” He said, before leaving Kim alone.

Her mind whirled. Nothing in her life made sense. One moment, she was hearing her baby was okay and the next she was told it could be in a crisis. So much information was being hurled at her Kim didn’t know what to think. She yearned to go home and have Nick hold her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. Kim knew if she could look him in the eye and spill all the details he would know what to do. He could point her in the right direction.

Regretfully, Kim realized the one thing she needed most was out of her reach.

A nurse knocked lightly on the door, Kim was jolted out of her thoughts.

After leaving the doctor’s office, Kim went back to her mother’s house. Locking herself in her bedroom. Picking up the phone, Kim dialed her home number. After three rings the call was answered. Kim felt her heart sink when Abby’s voice greeted her. She fought back tears as she greeted her friend.

“Abby, can Nick come to the phone? I really need to speak to him.” She choked out.

“Kim, are you okay? You don’t sound so good. What did you find out today?” Abby tried to calm Kim knowing Nick would panic if he heard his wife this upset.

“I’m fine, just tired. Abby I really need to talk to Nick. The doctor wants to do this test. It has a lot of risks and I need to know what he thinks about it. Please, Abby, just put him on the phone for me.” Kim said growing more upset by the moment.

“Hold tight, I’ll go get him but I am going to call you later. We need to talk about this. You’re only going to make things worse if you hold it all in.” Abby said lying the phone aside and going to find Nick.

Nick’s heart stopped when Abby told him Kim wanted to speak to him. He had been anxious to know what the doctor had found but found it hard to pick up the phone. He stood in front of the phone unable to force himself to pick up the call. With a sigh, he picked it up and tried to sound brighter than he felt.

“Hey Baby! I’m so glad you called. I’ve been wanting to hear your voice. How did it go at the doctor today?” Nick said. He held his breath as he waited for the answer.

“He wants to do a test. It has a lot of risks. One of them is miscarriage. I didn’t want to make the decision without talking to you. This is your baby too. I need to let him know something tomorrow. What do you think?” Kim blurted it all out before she lost her nerve. While she had been waiting for him to pick up, Kim had weighed her words.

Nick felt his head spinning and grabbed the table to steady himself. He felt overwhelmed and wish he could take Kim into his arms and soothe the pain she was going through. From across the country there was little he could do. Searching his mind, Nick tried to find word to calm his wife.

“Tell me more about  what he said. Why does he want to do this test?” He said, buying time for him to process the information which Kim had hurled at him.

As she chattered nervously, Nick weighed the risks against the benefits. When she finished Nick still found himself troubled.

“I guess the wisest choice is to go ahead with the test. We’ll have to trust God with the outcome. Kim, you have to remember he has a plan. We aren’t on our own in the world. He is watching out for you and the baby, since I can’t be there with you. I know you have to feel pretty alone right now, even though your mom is there. You don’t know how much I want to be there with you. It kills me to have to be apart from you. I can’t wait for you to come home. Do you know when you might be coming?” He asked anxiously.

Kim sighed deeply.

“It could be up to a week. There is a whole battery of tests the doctor want to run.” Kim said once again fighting tears. “I want to come home Nick. I miss being there, my own bed, but most of all, I miss you. I don’t sleep well when you aren’t beside me.” She said.

“I know, baby, but you need to be there right now. You need to take care of yourself as well as the baby, okay? I know it doesn’t seem like it but you will get to come home soon enough.” He tried to encourage.

“You’re wrong about that. I can’t get home soon enough. It could never  be soon enough to suit me.” Kim said feigning anger.

Nick was speechless for a moment, until he realized she was joking.

A chuckle rose up in his throat. After a moment, Kim joined in the laughter. It felt good to laugh. Kim had forgotten. In the stress and complications she had forgotten how to relax and take joy in life.

“The results of your aminocentecious won’t be back for a few days. I’ll call you when they come in. The ultra sound tells me you are from four to six weeks into the pregnancy. At this point everything looks good. I see no reason to worry.” Doctor Perry news made Kim feel light at heart.

“When can I go home?” Kim was anxious to know.

Doctor Perry’s laugh echoed in the small exam room.

“You may go home as soon as you feel like traveling.” He replied when his laughter had died down.

As soon as Kim arrived at her mother’s house she rushed to her bedroom, eager to give Nick the good news. As the phone rang, she nervously shook her foot. When he finally picked up on the fifth ring Kim’s breath caught in her throat.

“I’m coming home!” She exploded.

Nick struggled to collect his thoughts. All of the waiting and worrying were beginning to pay off. For the first time in weeks Nick didn’t feel like he was standing still. They finally seemed to be getting somewhere.

“I’m so happy to hear that. When is your flight?” He asked anxiously.

“Mom was hoping I would stay a couple of days but if have to stay away from you I will go stark raving mad. I can’t take it anymore.” She replied.

“If you want to stay for a few days and visit with your mom I will understand. It has been a while since you have seen her.” He said.

“I don’t want to stay, Nick. What I want to do is get home to be with you.” Kim said, feeling her anger growing.

“Honey, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted you to know if you wanted to stay a few days I wasn’t going to be upset. Please don’t get mad. I know you are tired and stressed. If you want to come home tomorrow then I support your decision. I will call Abby and have her pick you up when your flight arrives.” He said trying to calm his wife.

“I’m sorry. I over reacted. It feels like my world is spinning out of control. I just want to come home, be with you and try to restore at least some degree of normalcy to our world.” Kim once again found herself fighting tears.

“Things are going to be normal again. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now but this is going to get better. When it’s all over we are going to have a baby to love and care for. We’re going to have a family, Kim. You need to remember that.” Nick tried to encourage.

After a few more minutes of conversation, Kim reluctantly hung up the phone.

She found her mother anxiously waiting on the other side of the door.

Leading her to the living room, Kim spilled out the details of her day, concluding with her plans to depart first thing in the morning. She watched  the despair appear in her mother’s expression.

“You look exhausted. Why don’t you take a day or two to rest up before you return? You don’t need to overexert yourself. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how dangerous it could be to you and the baby.” She tried to reason with her daughter.

“Mom, I know you are concerned but I will rest better when I get home with Nick. He needs me right now. I need to get home to him.” She said closing the conversation.

“Abby, I want your help. My flight leaves at three tomorrow afternoon but I want to surprise Nick. My plan is to tell him I’ll be home after six. He is going to call you with this flight plan but as you can tell, I need you there earlier. If it’s okay with you, I might even pick up something for dinner. I know I’m going to be too tired to cook and I don’t want him to have to take car of it.”

Abby listened as Kim babbled for several minutes before pausing to allow her friend to speak.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to babble on like this but I am just so excited to be coming home I am about to bust. I was beginning to think they were never going to let me come home, just keep me here forever.” She said.

“It’s okay. I understand. I’m glad you are coming home too. I’m tired of taking care of your husband. He is a lot of work. I don’t know how you do it.” Abby said playfully. “I’ll be at the airport to pick you up. You don’t have to worry about that.” She reassured.

“Abby, I can’t tell you how much your help and support has meant to me. I never would have been able to make this trip and have access to this doctor if it had not been for you. I can’t thank you enough for it all.” Kim said, turning serious.

“I’m just glad I was able to help. It’s thanks enough for me to know I was able to make a difference.” Abby replied fighting the lump rising in her throat.

Kim bid farewell to her mother at the gate the next morning.

The two women hugged tearfully. Kim had been focusing on returning home so much she had not expected it to be so difficult to leave her mother.

As she took her seat and settled in for the long flight her mind drifted to the way her relationship with her mother had changed. In the time since her father’s death Kim had observed a change taking place in her mother’s attitude. She had started to see Kim as more than just a person with an eating disorder. She now saw her as her daughter. The relationship was young and very tender. Both parties were doing all they could to help it grow stronger.

Nick crossed her mind as she remembered his stunt on their honeymoon of diverting their flight from a tropical location to her family home in Texas. In retrospect, Kim realize God also had a hand in this plan. She was able to spend time with her father before his unexpected death. It was during this visit Kim had began noticing the change in her mother.

Nick moved around the house gingerly. He tried to clean up some of the clutter which had accumulated since Kim’s departure. The kitchen was sparkling, thanks to Abby’s efforts that morning. When she had brought his lunch on her way to work she had secretly cleaned. Nick had discovered it when he awoke a couple of hours later and stumbled into the kitchen. It had taken him a few minutes to realize what had happened.

After surveying the rest of the house, Nick decided he should try to pick up some of the clutter from the rest of the house.

After several attempts to reach things on the floor he discovered it wasn’t as easy as he had thought it was going to be. Weeks after his injury, his body still didn’t always want to cooperate. 

By the time he finished straightening the house, Nick was out of breath and his muscles screamed for relief.

He sank into his favorite chair gratefully. Nick closed his eyes but tried to resist falling asleep.

As he was sucked under, Nick told himself he would only sleep ten minutes.

The sounds of the front door shutting awoke him. Nick glanced at the clock and realized he had been asleep for three hours. Jerking the chair into an upright position Nick winced at the repercussions. He carefully got to his feet and slowly made himself walk to the door.

When he rounded the corner Nick saw something which made his jaw drop.

Standing in the doorway with her bags at her feet was Kim.

Mustering more energy than he thought was possible Nick crossed the room and took Kim into his arms.

Neither of them spoke for several seconds. Nick kissed the top of her head, inhaling the fragrance of her shampoo and then tilted her face toward him.

Gently he kissed her forehead, cheeks and finally her lips. When the kiss broke he stepped back from Kim.

“I can’t believe you’re really here. It seems like I haven’t seen you in ages. I’ve missed you more than you will ever know.” He said with a lump in her throat.