Chapter 8

Nick gazed lovingly at his sleeping wife. She had slept the whole night on his arm but not even the pain surging through is arm and shoulder was enough to make him want to move. He shifted slightly, in an effort to ease his discomfort and her eyes fluttered open. She sat up in the bed and stretched her arms over her head.

“It’s so much better waking up next to you than alone.” Kim said hoarsely.

“I agree. We should do this every morning.” He replied with a chuckle.

“I think we do.” She said as a smile spread across her face.

“It’s been so long, I forgot. Come here.” Nick said patting the bed beside him.

“We need to get moving. You have physical therapy this morning and I have ton of things I need to get done. Can’t afford to sleep in this morning.” She said sliding off the side of the bed.

“Come on. Kim, just for once can you relax. Everything you need to do can wait. It will still be there later. Just come and lay next to me for a while.” Nick pleaded.

“Okay win this time.” Kim said climbing back into the bed beside Nick. “But don’t get used to it. This will not happen again.” She joked.

They were still in bed when Abby called several hours later. Kim picked up the phone as she swung her feet over the edge of the bed. Her heart stopped when she heard Abby’s grave tone.

“I’m sorry to bother you so soon after your return but I just had to talk to someone. Gary is unable to be reached or so the office say. His cell isn’t picking up. I don’t know how to say this. Something wasn’t right with Grace so I took her to see the pediatrician. He didn’t see anything odd but it had been a while so he ordered a complete lab work up. The results came back today. They called me at work and the instant I heard the nurse’s voice. Her white count was off the charts. He wants to do a spinal tap but it’s pretty clear she has leukemia. What am I going to do, Kim? I could lose her. I don’t know if I could go on if I lost my baby.” Abby sobbed.

Kim sat for several seconds unable to speak. The news hit her like a brick.

Finally she found her voice.

“Where are you? I’m coming over there. You don’t need to be alone.” Kim felt her mind whirling as she slid from the bed and went to her dresser and pulled clothes from the drawers absently.

“I came home when the nurse called me. It seemed like the best thing to do, come home and be with Grace. I took the rest of the week off. If I have to I will close my practice to take care of my daughter.” Abby said regaining her composure.

“Abby, please don’t jump to conclusions.” Kim pleaded softly. “The test might be wrong. You know as well as I do it happens all the time. Even if it isn’t you need to know what the odds are before you surrender. Some forms are more aggressive than others. Not to mention Grace and Allie need you to stay strong for them. They depend on you.” Kim appealed to Abby. 

“You’re right. I need to calm down. Gracie and Allie are depending on me. I sent the sitter home for the day since I was going to be home. If I had been thinking clearer I would have asked her to stay. At least I wouldn’t have been here alone. I hate to ask but if you could come over and stay until I can get a hold of Gary I would be grateful. I’ll understand if you don’t want to, since you have been away from Nick for so long. I wouldn’t have even called if I could have thought of someone else but I couldn’t. My mind was so clouded. Leukemia, the word alone strikes fear into even the strongest heart. I rushed home like a monster was attacking my child.” Abby babbled nervously.

“It’s okay, Abby. I’m glad you called me. I will be there in about thirty minutes. Nick might know how to get in touch with Gary. Maybe he knows why he is unavailable.” Kim replied.

“Please, ask him. If he could get in touch with Gary I would be grateful.” Abby said hopefully.

Kim hung up the phone promising to talk to Nick before she left the house.

As she backed out of her own driveway Kim prayed desperately for the test results to be wrong.

Abby met her at the door. Her eyes were red and puffy. Abby wore comfortable sweat pants and a baggy T-shirt. It appeared to be a typical day at home for the mother of two. The concern etched on Abby’s face told another story.

As Kim hugged her best friend she could feel her trembling.

They sat down on the couch and Kim gazed at Abby who appeared as fragile as a china doll. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes.

Abby stared down at her hands, trying to collect her thoughts. Finally she spoke.

Grace hadn’t been feeling well the past couple of weeks. I thought she had caught whatever has been going around. I finally took her in to see the pediatrician because she didn’t seem to be getting any better. He couldn’t find anything wrong with her and since she had been sick for so long he decided to order the blood work. After the visit I thought maybe she had some kind of infection. It never crossed my mind she could have something so serious. I’m no oncologist, but I remember studying this stuff in medical school. Even if she a more common type it is still going to be a long, difficult battle. I don’t know if I have it in me to fight this.” Abby said choking back a sob.

Kim sat silently. Despite desperate prayers she was unable to find the words to comfort Abby. She realized nothing she could say could comfort the hurt Abby was feeling. She was hurting not only for herself but her child as well. Kim had never felt so helpless in her entire life.

“She doesn’t even know yet.” Abby blurted out. “I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what to tell her. They have tests scheduled and she needs to know why they are being done. If I don’t tell her something she is going to think she is dying.” She said.

“I think you need to wait until Gary gets home to tell her. You don’t need to do that by yourself. He needs to be there and I sure he wants to be with you. No one expects you to take this on by yourself. Gary is going to be with you, Grace is his daughter too. I’m going to do all I can and support you as much as I can, for what it is worth.” Kim tried to encourage.

“Your support and friendship priceless to me.” Abby said looking Kim in the eye. “I know we don’t get to do much anymore and I seem to stay so busy I don’t have much time for you. Life has been so hectic and crazy since Allie was born. I’ve been neglecting our friendship. You don’t know how horrible I feel over that. I wish there was more I could do but so often there is just not enough hours in a day. I’ll think about calling you and then before I think about it again the day is gone. Every day I tell myself I am going to do better but at the end of each day I find I have failed again.” Abby said regretfully.

“You don’t fail me. My life has been nuts too. I don’t do any better at being a good friend to you than you feel like you are to me.” Kim admitted.

Grace wandered into the living room. Abby tried to swipe the tears away and collect herself before her daughter could see them. Kim greeted her with more cheer than she felt and distract her long enough for Abby to gather herself.

The little girl chattered brightly as she climbed into Kim’s lap. As she wrapped her arms around the small frame Kim fought the tears rising in her throat and keep her tone jovial.

Abby turned her attention back to her daughter, who didn’t notice the evidence of worry on her mother’s face as she followed her into the kitchen. Left alone, Kim couldn’t stop the tears cascading down her own cheeks. The despair flooded her heart and left her struggling to breath. When she heard Grace returning Kim hastily tried to get her emotions under control.

She knew Grace would ask questions if she saw the tears streaking her “Aunt Kim’s” face.

Kim tossed her third tissue in the trash as Grace rounded the corner and made a beeline for her lap.

Grace chattered as she climbed into her lap with a teddy bear and juice box in tow.

“Mom had to go change Allie’s diaper.” She said matter-of-factly. “She was taking a nap but she’s awake now.” She continued with a sigh.

As Kim held Grace and listened to her chatter her mind began to wonder to the months ahead. If the test turned out to be correct Grace and her parents had a very long road ahead of them.

In her job she dealt with adults and children who were weak from chemotherapy treatments.

Some of them fought tears as she worked their limbs and many of them were unable to hold back tears from the massive pain the movement caused.

Her heart ached when she thought of Grace going through such an ordeal.

“I had to go to the doctor.” Grace shifted subjects before Kim had a chance to reply.

“You did?” Kim asked. “Did you get a lollie pop?”

“Yeah.” Grace replied. “but I had to get a shot first though. Mom said it wouldn’t hurt very much but it did and I cried. I didn’t want to get a shot.”

“Nobody likes shots, not even adults but everyone has to get them sometimes.” Kim said.

“I know. Mom told me but I still don’t like them. They really hurt.” Grace said sighing again.

“Why did you get a shot?” Kim asked, holding her breath she waited for Grace’s reply.

Out of the corner of her eye, Kim noticed Abby slip quietly to the door and lean in waiting for her daughter’s response.

“I don’t actually know.” Grace said after a moment of thought. “but I heard Mom talking on the phone the other day and she said something was sick in my blood. I don’t know what that means but Mom was crying so I don’t think it’s good.” She continued.

Kim found herself unable to speak. She realized Grace had wisdom far beyond her years and had been under estimated.

Abby entered the room and took a seat on the couch across from Grace. Kim knew she was struggling to contain her emotions as she lifted her daughter from Kim’s lap and placed her gently on her own.

She hugged her close for several seconds as she gathered her thoughts and tried to find the right words to explain cancer to a three year old.

“You have something wrong with your blood. The doctors aren’t sure how serious it is yet. They have to do some more tests before they will know what they need to do to treat it. This is not going to be easy, Grace but I want you to know Mommy and Daddy are going to be beside you the whole time. You will never be alone, so you don’t have to worry about that. I want you to know it is okay to be scared and it is okay to cry. Mommy and Daddy are scared too.” Abby said seriously.

“Am I going to die?” Grace wanted to know.

The thought of Grace dying almost drove Kim over the edge. Tears brimmed her eyes and spilled over her closed eye lids. She was thankful Grace didn’t notice as she looked up gravely at her mother.

“We don’t really know, honey.” Abby struggled to speak and Kim could hear  her efforts not to cry had been in vain as well.

The explanation seemed to satisfy Grace and she drifted to her bedroom to play after a few minutes of snuggling on her mother’s lap.

“I think she is handling this better than anyone else.” Abby said reaching for the tissues again.

“I wish I could be a kid again. When your parents can make anything okay. Before I was old enough to realize how serious something like cancer could be. It never ceases to amaze me how innocent and trusting kids can be. I don’t ever remember being like that.” Kim said taking the tissue Abby offered her.

“When you have kids of your own you realize how your parents felt. You realizing how overwhelming it is when someone depends on you to make everything okay no matter how bad the situation.” Abby replied.