Many a body had been dredged up from the Allegheny River through the generations, from Native Americans through present-day man, drowned for many reasons, ranging from accidents to self-inflicted tragedies, like plunging into its depths due to despair or broken hearts. On this evening a shadowy figure stood along the edge of the river, both feet still on park property, seemingly wrestling with his disappointments as the currents rushed past. The river was restless. After several days of rain, the banks had risen to be even with the city park edge, and even now rivulets of waters splashed onto the concrete, wetting the stranger's feet. If he jumped in, the currents would whisk his quickly drowned body away, down the churning waters to meet with the great Ohio River and then to points further south.
Patrick O'Leary, the park cop on his beat, noticed the forlorn figure and shuddered. If the lad wasn't careful, he'd be swept away by the waters! Patrick took off at full tilt to get the suspect in hand before something tragic happened. Indeed, this officer was of the portly variety, as rolls of fat bounced up and down around his middle with each leap and bound.
The other fellow, seeing Patrick the cop, dashed away at a gallop. Panting, he stopped when he arrived at the far side of the park along the main highway, then took off toward the nearest bridge. Breathless, he arrived in time to see the officer behind him, approaching fast. The guy grabbed hold of the railing and jumped up, then took hold with both hands onto a vertical support bar which led up toward the sky. Like a monkey shimmying up a tree, he rose higher and higher with swift, accordion-like movements, arriving at a horizontal metal precipice halfway up.
"Lordy! It's you, Dennis Kowalski!" the policeman yelled from below. "I didn't realize it was you at first. Come down, you scoundrel!"
"No! I won't! I won't come down!"
Patrick, the cop, wiped beads of sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. "Every Saturday night!" the policeman murmured. "Every Saturday night this fellow gets drunked up, then he gets depressed, and he ends up hanging around the river, contemplating the worst." Patrick grabbed hold and lifted his obese body up onto the railing, and with a huff dragged himself a few inches up the pole. Climbing between gasps he muttered, "And every Saturday I grab him back and take him home to his missus."
"Get away from me, O'Leary!" Dennis looked down at the officer, his eyes on fire.
"No! I'm coming up and get you, you stupid fool!" The chubby cop wheezed and grunted, inching ever higher.
"You'll never get me! This time I've gone where you can't reach me!"
"Oh yes, I will, Dennis! You'll see!" Poor Patrick was nearing exhaustion, but he climbed and climbed, grabbing the bar above his head and then pulling his body up the pole by the inches. Finally, he stretched out his hand and could just touch the muddy shoe of Dennis Kowalski.
"Get away!" the man bellowed.
"Come here, you rascal!" Patrick yelled.
"NO!" With that exclamation, Dennis kicked at the policeman. slamming his shoe into the officer's face.
"OOOOH!" the policeman screamed. He slipped loose from his grip on the pole, his legs and arms flailing for an instant before he wrapped one arm around the bar in a desperate move to save himself. The gyrations directed his gaze for a moment to the raging river below. At the sight of its coursing waters, he froze, staring wide-eyed at the Allegheny. Finally, he spoke, "Oh no! This is the end of me! I CAN'T HOLD ON!"
"Whaaat?" Dennis could see the cop's free arm and his legs thrashing about. "What have I done?" he muttered.
"I don't think I can hold on long!" Patrick said in a light, shaky voice that sounded nothing like his own.
Dennis studied the fellow, and with a sigh he loosened his grip and slid toward the trembling cop.
"Come on. I'll help you down," he said. "I'll hold on to you, while you ease yourself to the bottom." Slipping down, he wrapped his arm around the cop's waist as Patrick shot him an uneasy glance.
Looking below, the cop shuddered and turned away his gaze from the rushing river. The menacing water took on a life of its own, sending his head into a fearful swirl. With grunts and groans, he stretched and wiggled to make his way to the bottom in an agonizing exercise. Arriving, he rested on the railing before jumping to the ground. Safe at last! His head still swooned from the ordeal. Focusing, he spied Dennis Kowalski standing across from him.
"Oh, man! I owe you my life!" Patrick said.
"Well, I don't know. It was because of me you almost lost it."
"Well, that's true . But you didn't have to save me. You could have taken me down with you, since that's where you wanted to go anyway."
"I know. But the way you always try to stop me, week after week, until finally tonight you almost died trying to stop me--it made me realize life must be pretty precious for you to do all that to keep me from ending mine." Dennis paused, then held out his hand to shake Patrick's. "Thank you," he said.
"You're welcome, son. Now will you be going home on your own then?"
"Yes, and I'll stay away from the bar, too. Life's too precious to blur it." With that, Dennis walked away, heading towards home.
Patrick dusted himself off, squared his shoulders, and resumed his beat. "All in a day's work," he said. "All in a day's work."
A wicked Cajun Fairy named Robes Pierre entered the impenetrable Magical doll land of Sha Bebe. Queen Faustina, the ruler of the doll land, thought she had destroyed him, but he's back! Will the doll land survive his evil ways?
