Just about me, a essay on an event that touched my life
Just a warning it has a bunch of grammer mistakes
enjoy
The Day I Died
It was an October festival. The theme was raiding pirates it sounded like a rip off of Marti Gra but it wasn’t. Red and black paper streamers hung over head with decorated pirate skeletons, pirate ghost along with bats, swords, and gold coins. The entrance way was lined and lit by realistic looking plastic skulls their electric grins danced in the night. The sun had just settled, and it was dark. The moon was full adding a hint of mysticism.
It was unnerving to have symbols of death loom over me on invisible fish line.
I escaped my family with my brother Fernando. He was slightly taller then me and just as skinny. I was wearing my favorite t-shirt and feeling lucky; the collar was hugging my neck. I fingered the collar stretching the fabric; the backpack I was carrying earlier had made me feel like an invisible midget was strangling me from behind.
“You look like a dork “said Fernando.
I looked at him he was my idol and my older brother; he was smoother and friends with everyone. His hair and his eyes were the same color as mine. Even our nose was the same shape. Yet, to him I looked like a dork. He should have been grateful I used the bathroom. This was an excuse to escape the family. The family was embarrassing. Dad was thrifty or in plain English cheap. Mom was overly concerned.
As I looked around everyone seemed to be having a great time. I was no exception in fact I was looking for a date. The eighth grade dance was coming up and I needed a partner to shake shake shake my pirate booty with.
The floor was sand and patches of grass; too many people had walked on the ground leaving the earth looking like a balding head. I kicked small pebbles, dirt sprayed in the air making a cloud of pale gray against the night sky.
“Stop that you’re embarrassing me” said Fernando.
I kicked small pebbles at him, the dirt landed on his brand new white Reeboks.
“Watch out man” he said, bending down dusting his shoes off with his right hand. “Am I still embarrassing you?” I said, with a hint of sarcasm and an innocent face
“You play to much.” He said whipping his dirty hands on the side of his baggy blue jeans.
If I kicked sand on him would he eventually have brown spots on his jeans from whipping his hands?
A mischievous demon had taken hold of me; my foot was under his control. I readied my foot at the thought of brown spots on his jeans. Watching him squirm was funny.
A woman walked between us lagging a dirty kid behind her. The kid was no older then my little sister, his skin was a pale gray under the bright spotlights above us. He looked ill. with a second look I saw his mouth was surrounded by a goatee of dirt.
Before I new it, I had already fired, and my foot was suspended in the air, lose sand falling towards the woman and the dirty kid. The dirt touched down, my eyes where wide my mouth open with shock.
The woman rushed me like an angry rhino I couldn’t move I tried to close my eyes but they wouldn’t work. She stopped just in time for her messy hair to touch my cheek, her tired face with thick eye sacks bored down on me hovering right over my face.
She smelled of vomit, piss and cigarettes. My nose hairs almost caught on fire. My eyes shifted to dirty kid, my mind had already given him a label. His swollen lips were surrounded by remnants of mud pies and a square shaped bruise around his eye made him look spotted; dark bruises crawled up his arm in a mural of different colors like a tattooed motorcyclist had beat him.
“Watch it,” she said coming closer if that was even possible. “Kick dirt on me again and see what happeneds, I’ll make you eat it.”
My eyes shifted to dirty kid again I wanted to scream for help but I was scared stiff.
“Do you hear me or are you deaf” she roared with malice. The crowd had started chattering but no one was helping. I heard husbands tell their wives “lets get out of here” in hushed voices.” She kicked sand on my shoes.
“You like that” she said kicking again. Her face still inches from mine. Dirty kid started to scream; he was probably four years old, he just cried.
“Shut up Tony,” she said retreating her face to her child. She raised her hand at him Tony sucked it in. I should have run then but my legs wouldn’t work. She returned her face inches from mine invading my personal space by a mile.
“Hey leave my brother alone,” said a New York accent behind her. Instead of sounding like brother it was more like butter with an r after the b.
My brother moved me behind him he stood as tall as ever blocking my view.
“Or what” she said craning her neck to my brother. He wrinkled his nose flared out his nostrils, he smelled her, that movement made him look tough.
I expected him to say “or you’ll have to go through me” just like so many Hollywood movies I’d seen, then the crowed would repeat it one by one but that didn’t happen.
“What, you going to beat me like you beat your kid” he said.
I moved from behind my brother just in time to see surprise, denial, and ultimately anger take over her haggard face. She clenched her coffee and cigarette stained teeth, her face growing red and sweaty under the bright lights. I looked at a dangling skull above her head it looked like it was laughing in the wind, I almost started laughing but I held it in. Her hands clench into tight fist, she raised her hand to swing my stomach fluttered.
“Go ahead and hit me,” said my brother he craned his neck tilting his face to the side, his face was hard and unreadable, the only assurance of winning was in his eyes. I think he wanted to her to hit him I think the same mischievous demon had taken hold of him too; if she touched him that demon would be loosed and all hell might break loose. She raised her arm and swung stopping right in front of my brother’s face. He didn’t even move. She lowered her arm and cursed under her breath. My brother blinked slowly, saying is that all you got with his eyes. She withdrew and tugged on dirty kid. My brother was back on the pedestal of idol and was now upgraded to savior.
As we walked away I couldn’t help but look back she was walking fast; dirty kid stumbled and hit the ground, she swung her arm and was swallowed by the crowed behind us.
“Wow” I said. My brother gave me a smug look that said nothing and everything at the same time.
“You got moxie,” I told him.
“Yeah I know,” he said.
We just walked in silence with the musical noises of the fair speaking to us.
The night humidity made my shirt stick to my back. The mosquitoes were making me itchy. The Light poles buzzed to life attracting most of the flying insects. Those that couldn’t make it to the bright light went to the buffet of people, getting drunk off their alcohol contaminated blood, waking up the next morning with little bug hangovers complete with headaches. I was walking in the center of the path so the bugs would go to the people on the side of me and so far it was working.
The smell of nearby food caught my attention. We walked by Trailers that had been turned into food stands; greasy food smells perfumed the air like a think cloud. Brown cardboard signs with black and red painted letters bled the words: elephant ears $2.00, funnel cakes $2.00,cake, churros, meat pies, turkey leg, hot dogs, soda, tea, ice cold beer, Candy bars, everything deep fried everything upon request.
I stared at the last line of the menu. The letters dripping as if the menu itself was deep-fried. Everything was deep fried here, and if they could deep fry water and serve it on ice then they would have . I was waiting for someone to grab their chest and drop dead from a heart attack.
“Hey Josh, look deep fried ice cream. Do you want to try it out?” said Fernando pointing to creasy cardboard menu with black and yellow painted words. A woman with long black hair was dressed in a pirate costume; the outline of her breast was slightly showing through her low cut v-neck blouse. A mole rested on the side of her mouth adding a touch of beauty. The sight of her reminded me of a siren, women too beautiful who brought sailors to their doom, something about her wasn’t right.
All this was forgotten when my brother spoke.
“Hey you see any churros” he said.
“Yeah sure” I said looking over the siren for something wrong about her, I couldn’t find it but I knew that it was there, probably buried under the mole.
“JOSH” he said.
“WHAT?” I said snapping out of my trance.
“Stop staring” he said without moving his mouth like a ventriloquist.
I opened my mouth to argue.
“Do you want to try some ice cream?” he interrupted this time using his moving his lips.
“What are the flavors?” I said.
He pointed to the sign. The sign proclaimed 16 flavors from chocolate, vanilla, to mango orange. Each name was in a different color, and the cardboard menu could have been a pirate rainbow.
“I want chocolate,” I told him.
A dark skinned man dressed in beige slacks and green collard shirt stepped in front of my brother and me. His salt and pepper hair was low cut.
“Excuse me miss do you have any napkins,” he said with a smile that made me want to be kind. “My grandson just vomited and I need to clean him up”.
The woman behind the counter looked at him with a blank stare.
“Excuse me miss,” he said.
Her face changed from beauty to horror.
“Look nigger you didn’t see them their kids” she said pointing to us.
I wanted to leave; I was feeling guilty.
“They was in front of you” she said through rotting teeth “ or is a old nigger like you blind”
“Sorry” said the man his hands gave questioning gestures. “I didn’t mean to cut. My grandson is sick I just need napkins to-”
“That’s the problem with your kind. You all think you can do what you all want.”
A crowd had gathered watching, no one did anything but talk amongst themselves and watch her blast him. The man walked away with his head down, something she said made him look ashamed. I was angry and sorry for the man. I have always rooted for the underdog.
“Lets get out of here” I said, my brother nodded in agreement. We walked away from the crowd of people leaving the siren and the defeated behind us.
We reached the carousel the horses, elephants, and giraffes all frozen in gloss and paint. Little kids waited eagerly with their parents for their turn to ride.
“Do you want to go on the carousel?” he asked.
I looked at the kids they wore happy faces. I wanted to say yes but I was in eighth grade and eighth graders don’t go on carousels I’d probably never ride a carousel again.
“No,” I said making a smug face, “that’s for kids lets go on that ride”
I pointed to the, strawberry ride. The ride looked like an octopus; at the tip of each tentacle was giant neon lit strawberry, in the center was a strawberry that rotated with neon words that read psycho berry. The strawberries rotated around the giant strawberry in the middle like earth rotating around the sun. Inside was a disk that would allow you to rotate the strawberry on its own axis giving you nausea in stereo.
We waited in line behind a freckled faced boy with short hair and high waters ,a group of people in there twenties stood behind us.
Fernando was staring into the crowed; he seemed to be looking beyond them into his own thoughts
“Why was that lady like that?” I asked him.
“Sometimes people just want to be mean they don’t need a reason,” he said. His fist clenched with frustration that I would later come to know.
“Why didn’t anyone help him?” I said. He let out a breath,crossed his arms and looked at me, he seemed older and wiser. I never asked this much questions before because we never had “brother moments”
“Because in the real world, people don’t help you unless they get something out of it” he said.
“Oh” I agreed taking it all in.
The line moved forward. We boarded the ride; the conversation, feeling of understanding, and frustration was washed away by the nausea of the rotating strawberry, everything morphed into a blur.
We got off the strawberry, I could barely walk my feet wouldn’t work right I stumbled on the grass walking like a drunk zombie, I found a place to sit we sat there watching people until the dizziness passed.
As soon at the world stopped spinning, the smell of onion rings and churros flooded my mind, and stole my attention. My brother headed towards a trailer that was disguised as a food vendor
“Hey Josh, I’m going to get some churros” he said.
A small radio on top of the counter played country music.
“Papi said we are going to eat after we leave” I said.
“I don’t care we can split the churro” he said as if splitting it was going to make it ok.
“No I'm not getting in trouble,” I said. I knew if he got that churro I would be in trouble because I was with him. I never understood that rule; you were always an accomplice no questions asked. If I got in trouble, I probably wouldn’t be able to go to the dance. I didn’t want to take that chance I looked around searching for an answer.
I found my answer, before my brother reached the counter.
“Hey do you want to go on Ice Mountain?” I said, I was watching his face, trying not to be to obvious. His eyes widened, I had hit the spot.
“Come on let’s go on that ride,” he said, as if it was his idea.
We stood in a line that was long enough to make a circle around the ride. Ice Mountain was a monstrosity. The carts were shaped as icicles with different color painted numbers on each cart. Each cart held one person they went around a track in an infinity shape. Every time they approached the center they looked like they would collide then out of nowhere the car would fall down a tunnel to appear on the other side of Ice Mountain. Little poles stood on the end of the track giving an illusion of danger. The carts would speed towards them, the track would change and they would turn at the last minute. The more we inched closer butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Was this ride too fast? I wanted to chicken out. The man in car ten had his mouth open his tongue peeking out, his chubby cheeks flopped in his mouth like Jell-O. I half expected Bill Cosby to come out and make a commercial about his cheeks. All the man was missing was saliva, dripping from his mouth and he could have been a dog.
“Hey Fernando I wonder what his bark is like” I said. he laughed making bark noises that made us both laugh.
“Hey stay here I’ll be right back” I said recovering from laughing.
“What” he chuckled where are you going.
“I sees someone I know I have to get a date for the dance next week” I said. My brother laughed as if something was spontaneously funny.
“Do you really think mom and papi agree going to let you go to dance with a girl” he said barely holding back the laughter
“I don’t see you with anyone” I said, It was my turn to use the moxie. I widened my eyes and stepped towards him and gave him a look that said try me.
He stepped back, my brother four years older then me stepped back I had it I had moxie.
“I’ll just get a churro” he said, he was devious. I knew it but I forgot how good he was at it.
“If you want to puke over all these people and have them beat you up afterwards go ahead” I said walking away fast, and disappearing into the noisy crowed ,so he wouldn’t find me. He knew if I got lost it would be his fault. I would be able to find him if he stayed where he was.
I headed forward to the Ferris wheel. The line was small. I stepped in line behind a girl my height with long brown hair that fell to edge of her bikini top bow on her back. Her blue jeans were ripped at the knees, and her feet hugged by white socks that were tucked away in white Nikes. I cleared me throat nothing happened she probably hadn’t heard me. I cleared my throat and exaggerated it like a characteracher; she turned around. Those hazel eyes look to mine and lit up with recognition.
“Hi Josh,” she said.
I pretended to be surprised. She hugged me; damn those friendship hugs forever locking you in the status “friend” and nothing more. She was shinny with sweat. My hello was stuck in the back of my throat; held back by a roadblock of awe because beautiful women always had this effect on me..They literally take my breath away and turn me retarded.
“Hi” I squeaked, if my voice could have been a drawing it would have been an squiggly line. I cleared my throat. “Hi Sara what are you doing here” I said with my voice finally under control.
“Just here with Alex, Jessica and Kim” she said, each name brought a picture to mind. “Who are you here with?”
“Oh me, I uh…” I coughed mumbling the rest under my breath.
“What, I didn’t here you” she said, she looked concerned about the cough.
“Oh I’m here with my brother”. I said rolling my eyes.
“Fernando” she said with a smile, her eyes face lit up, I see I wasn’t the only one here that knew him
“Yeah him” I said my smile fading like color in bleach.
A bell rang. The ride stopped, the passengers got off, and the carnie smiled a toothless grin as he started to count the people in the line. I doubted that he could count passed twenty, oh hell he probably couldn't count passed nine without the help of his fingers. His right thumb was missing and replaced by a pink small knob of alien flesh.
We got on the Ferris wheel I sat next to her, my heart racing hard enough I could hear it beating inside my ears. Our cart began to rise to the top. When we reached the top I was going to ask her to the dance. I was rehearsing it in my mind.
Hey Sara do you want to go to the dance with me… no… hey Sara I was just wondering if you wanted to …no…Sara I'm madly in love with you will you go to the dance with me…nooooo. Images of her laughing at me flashed in my mind.
She just looks at me and burst into spontaneous laughter, tears welled in her eyes, then patting my back as she whipped the tears from her eyes and says.
“ Your so funny. Josh” she says, continuing laughing.
I pushed that image out of my mind.
I looked down. Searching for my brother in a living 3d version of where’s Waldo. I spotted Waldo in front of a food stand his arms disappeared coming back into view with a churro wrapped in wax paper. Crap.
“Sara” I said looking down I didn’t want to face her. “Who are you going to the dance with?”
“I don’t have a date” she said.
I looked at her my opportunity had arisen. I smiled and gave it all my charm
“Hey if you don’t have a date do you want to go with-” the rest of my words were drowned by a scream.
“Saaaaaaarrrrraaaaaaa” yelled a combination of high-pitched girly voices.
I looked down three girls were calling her each in bikini tops and jeans.
“Hey Josh,” she said, I gave her my attention. “Do you want to go to the dance with me”
I stared at her my mouth dropped open, with no sound coming out, just staring.
She had noticed.
“Josh?” she said, looking at me with worried eyes.
“Oh yeah of course ill go with you. I said smiling uncontrollably my pearly whites showing, that rarely happened, I couldn’t believe what I was saying. I felt like a lottery winner.
The ride touched down, Alex Kim, and Jessica each gave me a friendship hug. After Sara told them, I was her date each of them in an exited frenzy began making plans for us. I said my goodbyes, and made a hand signal of a phone next to my ear and mouthed the words call me as I walked away.
I found my brother and stepped in line next to him.
“The line hasn’t moved” I asked him.
“Oh I let a few people in front of me” he said.
“Oh so you didn’t leave” I said trying not to be obvious.
“No I let people in front of me, why would I lie”
I looked at his lips sugar was still on them, crust was stuck on his front teeth and a wax paper wrapper was on a small patch of grass next to his foot.
“You have sugar on your mouth, food on your teeth, and the wrappers by your feet.” I told him. The line moved I followed getting into place. “Did you need a fucking churro? If I don’t go to the dance because of you I’m going to make your life a living hell you’ll wish you had never been born.
Someone tapped me on my shoulder I turned around to meet a man. His shoulders broad he was clean-shaven with brown hair, his brown eyes looked sincere.
“Excuse me, can you watch your language I got a kid.” I looked at the kid next to him.
“Sorry” I said feeling guilty and embarrassed had my parents been here they would have been on fire. The boy looked younger then me, he looked like a sixth grader, I could spot a sixth grader out of a crowed any were they all looked alike and acted alike stupid. Eighth graders were gods while sixth graders were the scum of the earth.
I looked down to the ground thinking about the churro my brother bought. If my dad found out was I really not going to be able to go to the dance, was I exaggerating?
My dad was cheap, but when he said don’t buy any food he meant it he was a veteran from the military and believed in the old ways. You did what you were told or there was consequences. I figured I could always lie and say we didn’t buy anything but played a game or bought tickets, or don’t ask don’t tell. I decided to push back the incident in my mind.
A bell rang signaling the end of the ride, the cars slowed down people walked off chattering about how good the ride was. I began to count the people in front of us.
“Are you going to the dance with that girl?” said my brother.
“Yeah” I said continuing to count in my head.
“Hey you want a churro.” he said
“What is it with you and churros, will you shut the hell up I’m trying to count”
The line moved forward. I grew exited. The carnie smiled as he let people on,
“Come to yer doom.” He said.
I wanted to laugh this was ice mountain. How do you get pirate accent on Ice Mountain? The man and his son got on the ride. I stepped up. A bell rang.
“ Sorry kid we’re full,” said the pirate putting a chain in the way of the ride and me, I wonder if anyone fought to get on the ride. A second bell rang the cars began to move slow then picked up speed. I was getting exited just looking at them. I was hungry my stomach started to rumble, I ignored it. I whipped the sweat off my forehead. I was going to get something to drink after this ride. Every one was screaming. I would be first.
“Hey kid” said the carnie “your to short” he pointed to the a long icicle that said you must be this tall to ride. I hadn’t noticed my mouth was open until my brother patted my shoulder.
“Come on Josh well just go on another ride” Said Fernando.
We walked away from the ride, the night air felt thinker more humid, mosquitoes seem to come from nowhere. God why did I have to be so short I cursed to myself under my breath, I was mad and I wanted to take it out on somebody.
Bells were ringing everywhere, the rides nearby where ending and loading.
A loud crack came from nowhere, I almost jumped out of my skin. The sea of people around us grew silent and frozen into place. Screams came from behind us, panic set in people started to move, a stampede of people rushed behind us almost running us over. Another loud crack came from that direction. The sound of metal combined with fingernails going down a chalkboard resonated through the air. My brother grabbed my arm and pulled me into a shadow next to a food stand. I could here techno music in sync with the beat of my heart coming from the wall of the stand. After the wave of stampede passed curiosity took over my mind.
“Come on” I told my brother. He nodded his head we walked in silence a thousand thoughts running in my mind; all of them violent only something horrible could have came from that noise. The Ferris wheel probably fell over by the wind that was my bet.
Frantic screaming, and a man yelling about his son was the only thing that told us we were getting close to the incident. We followed a trail of people who were grabbed by curiosity just as we were.
Two men with a large cross and the words paramedic on their shirts were holding a man. His arm was at an awkward different angle.
“My son” he said, “I want to be with my son”, he was fighting them. They pulled him back; a third man helped them drag him away. A body was being carried off in a stretcher it was covered by a white sheet that was growing bloody. An arm dangled off the stretcher as if it where waving goodbye; the paramedic carrying it put it back into place under the sheet. I ripped my eyes from the stretcher to the ride. Blood ran down one of the poles and fell into a small puddle on the grass. I tried to look away but I couldn’t. I had already known what happened by just looking at the pole and the blood.
An icicle cart stopped in font of a pole. A body flew out of the cart. Flying in the air, arms flaying everywhere. My eyes followed the body that was flying towards me. The little boy that was in front of me; who had virgin ears was flying towards me. The boy’s head hit the pole with a crunch. Small droplets of red splash hit my shirt; it was warm on my skin like red acid that would always burn. Screams louder then ever came from everywhere. The body slid down to the ground in a slump. A bloody arm hit my dirt caked sneakers. The boy was a rag doll, I looked down I wanted to laugh, run and never stop screaming. The only thing that separated me from the boy was the chain. Insanity was on the other side. The ride was still moving; a yell came from the ride. I looked up my eyes wide taking in everything a car crashed a man was flying in the air yelling, it was the boys father he hit the pole, his shoulder cracked as it hit leaving his arm at an awkward angle. He fell next to his son, his eye were in a daze. I looked at the boy his eye were wide open.
“Call 911” yelled the boys father. His voice frantic and high pitched on the razors edge of insanity. I was pushed out the way, and the world began to revolve Which made every thing seem like it was a dream.
“Josh” cried my mother while ripping me away from the scene. I looked at her dazed. “Lets go were leaving” Her smile was warm. I followed her in silence, when she asked what had happened I told her.
When we got into the car I stared out the windows not seeing anything but my thoughts. I had just noticed how innocent my mom was then. It wasn’t anything about her but when I left the fair something about me was different. Part of me died with that little boy. Even though I had never seen him die, something stayed behind with him. I got into the house and I did the routine saying goodnight to my parents, brushing my teeth, showering and getting into bed. I don’t remember ever falling asleep; I just stared out the window the moon was bright it was comforting thinking the moon would always be the same. I slept.
Robert Burns' first daughter was Elizabeth. Her story and the five descendants Scottish lives are recorded here with the Bard's message today as ever in need. Al Quida listen: Then let us pray that come it may, As come it will for a' that. That Sense
Margaret Kohel Evans invites her mother's grandchildren to a delightful visit with their grandmother, sharing charming memories of her across eighteen life themes.
