Over the years I've come to learn many a thing about household maintenance. Chief of which is: HIRE PROFESSIONALS!! There are many a pitfall to overcome in repair and maintenance and much to learn about the proper operation of kitchen gadgetry. I've learned that you can easily increase your workload 200 - 300%, - or even more, just by not knowing what the heck you are doing. I've learned that it is particularly exhilarating when husband and wife team up to assemble fences, shingle roofs, lay sod - the list is endless! I've discovered how man and woman can argue for hours on end only to finally discover that they have been in agreement all along, but were speaking different languages. I've learned how to save time by reading at least the first page of directions once I'm half -way through a project. While working with electric cutting devices, such as hedge trimmers, I've come to value the effectiveness of the common household circuit breaker. And I've learned the finer points of repairing a severed extension cord.
Pulling from this vast fund of knowledge I have compiled a short collection of my numerous misadventures... I mean experiences.
READING LABELS
Labels are very important. Or more specifically, the writing on labels is very important. Because containers can sometimes be remarkably similar in appearance. Take for example common automatic dishwasher detergent and hand detergent. Both come in yellow or green bottles. I can't remember which is which, once again illustrating the importance of the writing on the label. For, had I read the label while loading up the dishwasher the other day I would have noticed that it was not intended for use in an Automatic Dishwasher. I poured a generous portion of hand detergent into the little box inside the dishwasher, and went about my business. Namely watching TV and talking on the telephone. After a short period of time, I noticed a very peculiar sound issuing from the kitchen. Queer sound. Kind of a swishy sound.
Naturally, I investigated. To my shock I observed huge flows of white foam billowing out and down the sides of the washer, flooding the kitchen floor with several inches of water and soap. And of course, foam.
"Lucieeeee, you got some 'splainin' to do!" quiped my friend on the phone, doing his best Dezi Arnez impersonation.
I should mention at this point, that all homeowners should have a Wet Vac. There will be many opportunities to use such a device. Heck, we even used ours to unclog the kitchen drain one day! Boy did that stink. But I digress.
I opened the dishwasher. Could not even see the dishes! Thick white foam completely filled the washer, obliterating any sign of the contents. I vacuumed the floor. And I vacuumed the dishes. Unfortunately, my job did not end there. No.... Every time I turned on the dishwasher, more thick foam oozed out and down the front of the washer! Alas, I had to stand there and suck the foam out with the vac while the dishwasher ran.
But those were the cleanest dishes we've ever seen. And we could eat off the kitchen floor.
There is a trend now to add potpourri scents to household products, (such as Furniture Polish and Bug Spray for instance) and hence adorn their containers with colorful pictures of flowers and such. I caution you: READ THE LABEL.
Recently, I noticed some ants in our bathroom. I ran for the can of Raid and grabbed the first flowery potpourri scented spray can I could find. Sprayed the offensive vermin. Yes, the sweet smell of victory. But I didn’t realize I’d actually coated my bathroom floor with a generous application of furniture polish. When I cleaned up those dead bugs I essentially buffed the floor! Later that night I slipped and nearly killed myself.
I figured the kids must have spilled something.
I slipped on the floor for about a week, not realizing that I had waxed the floor with furniture polish. In fact, it wasn’t until I polished the kitchen table with bug spray that I noticed the striking similarity between those products.
"Honey, where is the furniture polish?" I called out to my dear wife.
"Where you left it when you used it last... on the dresser!" she hollered back.
“Naw, that’s the bug spray,” I called out. Surely a light bulb appeared above my head as the light of reason dawned.
So, before you polish a bunch of ants, or poison your dinner table, or perhaps even superglue your eyelids shut, heed my warning and read those labels!
This was great fun to read! I busted out laughing at the furniture polish on the ants. I remember once not being able to find the bug spray, so I grabbed the first thing that was handy...hair spray. It definitely stopped the ants in their tracks. Unfortunately they also stuck to the floor.
I have been reading through your stories and poetry and am enjoying all of it very much! Jill
such as life today for many homeowners. it would help if those who work on your house DID speak english; i find that so maddening!! (i deal with this every day here in texas, and it drives me PAST INSANE!! and i only live in an apartment!) good story!
(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in tx., karen lynn. :)
A naïve councilman and a down-on-her-luck single mom try to save their county’s last stand of forest from greedy developers and a dysfunctional government.
