Jenna feels bad to have angered not just one friend but two. This is her response to Kendra Williams' latest letter, which is full of angry words.
Thursday, June 9, 2005, Alaska Time~
Dear Kendra~
I am crying now. What you wrote hurt me deeply, what you said cut me to the core. But I can understand (I THINK...)...I said some very mean things about Louisiana (and you) that I had no business saying! If you don't want anything to do with me, I can understand, but that's the trouble...it seems that my friends have abandoned me.
I guess it goes to show what a bitch I really am. I am not the nice person that people tend to think I am. I am a selfish, self-centered woman who only wants people to feel sorry for because "Jenna is crippled, she'll never amount to society". Maybe I am going through all this because God is angry at me; I don't know, but I don't like it! The past year-and-a-half has been pure torture for me, as far as the accident, the death of my father, and also the leaving of friends is concerned, and I am not having a very easy time of it emotionally. I have become a very angry, bitter, hard-nosed woman who thinks of herself and doesn't give a damn about what others think.
I have had a very hard life myself...living in a cold, unforgiving place like Barrow, Alaska, having to fend for our food and try to protect it from predators, trying to stay warm in ungodly frigid weather conditions, living with a hearing impairment all my life, and having the other kids pick on me and calling me "ugly", "fat", snd "retarded". I don't have a very good self image of myself, and I have always had problems with it. I find it very difficult to make friends, and now that people see the true me, I can see why. They don't want to have nothing to do with me. It's no wonder Michael (or my other friends) left.
I am very sorry if I hurt Louisiana; I didn't mean for this to happen. She is one of the last people I would EVER want to hurt! She took care of me when I needed it the most, and yet I treat her like THIS?? What is going on with me?? I didn't realize all the trouble she has to go through in relation to her kids, and now that two of them are in trouble, I treat her like a goddamn piece of shit!! I wouldn't mind it if she didn't have anything to do with me anymore because I was cruel to her, and I hurt her, very badly. I wish I knew how to make it up to her; I just feel so bad now I can hardly see for all the tears that are coming from my eyes!
And I am sorry if I said those things about your God, but I have trouble believing in something that I can't see or feel! I guess it shows just how ignorant I am, and how stupid I have ben all these years! Could you please pray for me, and can you please send someone to Alaska to talk to me about God? I don't know what to do anymore; I am just tired, and I am just fed up with life!!
I will go now; I really can't write any more because I am so upset! If you write back, I promise I will try to be nicer; I am just sorry that I hurt you and Louisiana with my cruelity! Again, I didn't mean what I said!!
I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me! I don't know if I will be able to ever forgive myself for the damage I have caused...
Jenna said some things in her anger she didn't mean; she was just venting her pent up emotions. (We know how that is, don't we??) She's just running scared...she's frightened and doesn't know which way to turn. She needs to slow down and stop panicking (easy for me to say, eh?? LOL), and THINK her way through problems, when she's calmer. (That will be 25 cents for the advice. *grins*)
An excellent, intensely emotional series this is--well done!
Suspenseful and close to home, Rain of Deception 2 will leave you in Tears. Much like Part 1, this will shocking sequel will keep you on the edge of your fingertips.
A page-turning novel about a relationship between best friends that is interrupted because of betrayal , deceit, sexual promiscuity and pregnancy happens!
Thursday, June 9, 2005, Alaska Time~
