Dear Louie,

As I write this, tears stream down my cheeks. It seems my family is in ruins. Susie is here with me, which does not seem to be helping her as much as Deb had thought. She asked me today about medicating her. I am against it actually, but if it will help her, then I want to do all I can to help her heal. Maria and Lacey are in California with Louisa Mason. Both of them are very bitter and angry. I know this comes from being so mixed up but they direct it at Susie who already has too much to cope with as it is. I don't know what to say to them to help them understand that although things are not as we had hoped they would be at this point, they are for the best. They want their sister, and at times I think it would be best to send her to them. I doubt this will help much. They will just find something or someone else to direct their anger toward. I know it is only natural for them to be angry, I just don't know how to cope with it. What should I do? Please advise! I am at my wits end here.

Deb has mentioned transfering me to a hospital in California. I have some mixed emotions about this. I want my family to be together. I want to be able to touch and hold all of my girls. Maybe being back together might help Maria and Lacey's anger. At the same time, I do not want my girls to see me struggling and hurting the way I am right now. I want to be able to be a real mother to my kids when we are together again, not lay in a bed and watch someone else do it.

I'm sorry to bother you again Louie, I know you are busy with work and your own family but I just had to talk to someone.

Will my family's broken heart ever heal? I am starting to think not.I am going to close now, because I cannot see to type for all the tears filling my eyes.

Your Friend,

Audrey Jackson.