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A Letter To Audrey Jackson From Louisiana Sandusky: An Apology... by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Rated "G" by the Author.
A remorseful Louisiana Sandusky writes to Audrey Jackson, who has decided not to commit suicide for now; she is at a shelter for battered women, trying to get what is left of her shattered life back together.
Saturday, July 23, 2005, 10:16 a.m., C.D.T.~
Dear Audrey~
I am very surprised that you wrote to me after the verbal attack that I inflicted upon you the other day. Ever since that nasty letter, I have been on the verge of tears (or IN tears), and I have been worried sick about you! I was afraid I would never hear from you again; and here you are, writing to me!
Audrey, you don't know HOW relieved I am to hear that you are now in a women's shelter, trying to come to grips with what has happened and that you haven't ended your life! That is such a huge relief!! I have been sick and crazy with grief the last few days, and now I am not working because I have decided to take a sabbatical leave, so I can try to take care of MY needs! That is my problem: I care TOO much for other people. I worry about everyone else, and I don't give a d*** about myself; and now look where it's gotten me. I was on the verge of suffering a nervous breakdown, and now I am under a doctor's care, trying to get my shattered health back to speed. I am also going to see a psychiatrist starting next week, so I can try to sort out these anxious feelings and feelings of dread. No, Audrey, you did NOT help by saying that you were going to commit suicide, and I certainly did NOT help matters any by lashing out at you like I did. I had NO right whatsoever to say the nasty things I did to you, and if you ever find it in your heart to forgive me, I will do so. If not, I can certainly understand. But I am willing to start over, and I hope that you are going to do the same.
Audrey, my life lately has been a living hell, and my poor husband and kids have had to endure my emotional outbursts lately, and it has NOT been an easy time at the Chateau d'Sandusky! This is why I am taking a break from work, so I can get my mind back together (plus next month our little Miracle from Romania, Janica Kryzstina, is coming, and we have to be here for her during those first trying weeks when she is finally with our family). It was an extremely painful, difficult decision for me to make, but my health has not been the best lately, so I had no other choice BUT to take a vacation/medical leave until things settle down somewhat.
I am glad that you wrote to me, and I do hope that if you decide to "hang on just a little bit longer", I will write to you again. I know right now we have had angry words with one another, but when you mentioned that you were going to commit suicide, I went crazy, and I lashed out at you in a very un-Christianlike way, and now I have to answer to God to see if He will forgive me for the way I have been lately. I do know one thing: it has cost me a lot of money; I have a cuss jar, and if anyone is caught swearing in my presence, they owe the jar money. I do it at home, and I also do it at work, and lately, I have said some very expensive words that cost me over $100 out of my account; and now I am over $100 poorer. This is NOT like me AT all, and so this is why I am going to see a psychiatrist starting next week. Hopefully she can help me with my innermost feelings and give me ways to deal with whatever troubles that come down the pike. I certainly hope something CAN be done! Living like this, in a state of fear or depression, is NOT the way to go!!
Well, Audrey, if you DO write to me again, I will still continue to pray for you, and I will pray for your daughters. I know they are having a very hard time about being separated from you, and I don't expect them to understand why you gave them up for adoption, but hopefully one day they will. My own kids have been there, so they know of the difficulties that they face--and you face. I also have had to give up some of the kids that I was in the process of adopting, so the painful feelings of loss is very real to me. I am sitting here, crying, as I think of the kids that I nearly adopted--but I could not for one reason or another (plus one little girl died while under my care, she was only two years old, and she had AIDS. She suffered horribly).
Well, I will go for now; I have to wipe my eyes and wash my face, and try to face the day. I also have to take some of my kids to their tournament; there is a baseball tourney for kids with disabilities in town, and some of my kids who play in the league are in the tourney. So far they have done well; we'll see what today brings. We will be there to root them on; hopefully they will win, but if not, that is okay too. Life will go on! But we WILL support our kids!! Take care, and God bless you, Audrey!
(((HUGS))) and love, your (repentant) friend in Tennessee, Louie May Sandusky. :( >tears<
Wonderful story-telling technique that deals with the suicidal issues. Many can benefit from reading this fine story that gives out such an inspiring message.
Karen, you are a mastercraft story-teller!!!
Sandie May Angel a.k.a. Sandie Agnel :o)
Reviewed by Tracey L. O' Very
7/24/2005
Super great story Karen. Suicide is Not the answer definitely. as one little girl told me she was only 12 at the time suicide is selfish and doesn't bring any peace to either one. The victim and those left behind. Something I know about personally. I can't say how wonderful this story is you did a wonderful job in saying how touchy things are sometimes to some and the remorse that is felt by others not really understanding the depth of another's feelings. Good going. *****
42xoox Tracey
THANK GOD Audrey has decided not to commit suicide (at least, for now). She is in the right place--where she can get much needed help and support. An excellent, excellent letter of apology. :) BRAVA!
Both the sabbatical leave, and the visit to the health care professional sound very wise, Louisiana, and I hope you're back to your old self very shortly.
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Spoken Word
This CD will touch the deepest inner part of your humanness and spirit, you will never be the same after listening to the depths of struggle, the reality of life, the touching voice of truth. It will shock you, move you to tears. It w
A page-turning novel about a relationship between best friends that is interrupted because of betrayal , deceit, sexual promiscuity and pregnancy happens!
Saturday, July 23, 2005, 10:16 a.m., C.D.T.~
