I have to go with C. Lee McKenzie on this one when I say this, you got a strong write here. You should make this one at least about three pages longer. Expand the paragraphs, it is very descriptive but you need to make them a little longer. It is a very human story, and that is the kind I seem to relate to in the sense of the way it is written. Very relatable characters with this one.
Well, I like it. It's a piece of the bigger story--a slice out of a day on duty. Have you considered putting it into a larger context? Say a novella with a diary entry format. It is most assuredly true that when you write about what you know or love, the writing is strong.
Maria, raised in the Mafia and educated by the gangs of New York, is hunting the man who killed her Akalina, and she will kill anyone who gets in her way.
Forced to put the schooner Heimdall into dry-dock for repairs and modifications, the crew chooses to holiday in Southern Utah so they can rendezvous with the Professor, a brilliant confidant from Rabat. What he shares at the summit stuns the crew and
