Louisiana Sandusky writes to a woman living in Pawtucket, Rhode Island, who is interested in persuing adoption, so she tries her best to answer the woman's questions.
Monday, August 1, 2005 (Almost put July; have to remember that it is a new month! LOL), 10:48 a.m., C.D.T.~
Dear Tanya Eileen Gage~
Hello! Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me; it is so good to hear from you!
I am happy to know that you are interested in persuing adoption; adoption, to us, has been nothing short of a blessing from God, and He has given us some of the most precious children imaginable! If it were not FOR Him, we would not have kids like Johnny, Ronee', Deborah, Jodie, Todd, Roberto, or Lightning; but all of the others are just as dear to us, and we try to give each of them equal time (at times, this isn't feasible or possible, but we DO try!!). And if it were not FOR us, our kids would never otherwise have a family or a home to call their own, and they would probably still be spending their time languishing in a hospital, institution, or orphanage, with nobody to care for (or love) them!
I am glad you enjoyed my books, "A Family Made Out of Miracles And Rainbows" and "...And The Miracles Continue"; writing both books first proved to be a daunting challenge, but as I went on writing, it became easier and easier, and by the time I started working on the second book, it was a snap! Thank you so much for taking the time to read them; it is always such a satisfying thing when authors hear positive comments regarding their work, and it just makes them want to want to write all the more! (I have done another book about nursing, and I may be doing more books in the future; who knows??...)
Well, Tanya, you were asking about adoption, so I will try my best to help, so here goes nothing...Yes, adoption IS expensive (particularly if one has to travel to the child's host country; we have never had to do that, but I DID go to Sri Lanka, but that was to help out the disaster victims there; this was where I first met Arjun and Rani, both tiny victims of the disaster; Arjun, miraculously, wasn't hurt, but he DID lose his entire family, and Rani WAS hurt in the disaster; and she is still recovering now, as I write this), but when you receive word that the child you tried so hard to obtain is finally going to be yours, then the joy is unimaginable, and it makes everything worthwhile! It IS a lengthy process, but it has to be; both child and (future) family/parents to be have to go an extensive "background check", and their home has to be checked, and you have to deal with Child Protective Services, lawyers, social workers, and maybe even the law. It is an intimidating process, and yes, the waiting DOES get tedious, but then we get word that the child we tried so hard to get is now ours, and then we look forward to when the child will join us, and that is always a very happy and emotional time!
There are many reliable adoption agencies, but then, on the other side, you have those shady agencies who will stop at nothing to try to scam you. This is why we check out the adoption agencies first, and we do a little research ourselves before we even DEAL with them, to make sure that we aren't getting scammed. It happens, and it happens more than you might think. But we have done business with some of the best agencies, and they have been nothing but a Godsend to us. We deal with agencies like Holt International, AASK (Aid To The Adoption of Special Kids; this was where some of our kids came from), Spence-Chapin, the Gladney Center, WACAP, and Children's Hope International, to name a few "examples". Another good way to do a "background check" on adoption agencies is to go online and go to sites like adoptivefamilies.com or adoption.com; there you will find a whole world of helpful information that should guide you as you start the proceedings.
We chose the kids we did because if it isn't for people like us, then who WILL love these kids? Kids who are disabled, older than two, racially mixed, or are part of a sibling group hardly get adopted because most people want babies. Babies are cute, and babies DO bring out the parenting instinct, but there are these older, "undesirable" children that people keep forgetting about, and we wanted to make a difference in these special kids' lives, so this was why we adopted kids with disabilities. Sure, it IS expensive to care for a kid who IS disabled, but we get monies from the government for each child's care, and we also get disability for each child, so in the end, we pay but very little through our insurance (thank GOD for that!!). But it is still expensive, especially when we have to buy things like medical equipment or supplies, wheelchairs or ambulatory equipment such as braces, walkers, or crutches, school supplies, shoes, and clothes, plus food, for our brood. We are sometimes short on cash, but I always like to tell people that what we lack sometimes in money, we are rich in love.. and that we are, indeed! :)
Some of our kids came to us purely by accident, and they were very easy to get (Johnny, Ronee', Todd, Roberto, Enriquesa, Jodie, etc.), but others (Deborah--then known back then as "Bapsi"--, Jo-El, Rhiannon, Dwerlina, Melizza, Lightning, and Kwame') proved to be hard to get, and we had to fight hard and long to get them in the end. Deborah was especially difficult to get because she was trapped in a country that despises Americans, and women and children who are born "different" are often badly treated, and Deborah was doomed right from the start. She was born with spina bifida that left her lower half completely paralyzed, and to add insult to injury, she was also born without arms and hands. She also had severe breathing problems that sometimes required help and/or oxygen, and she was destined to die any number of times. She came to us at the age of eight, and now she is a beautiful young teenager with a gifted singing voice and a sweet, outgoing personality.
As for "failed" adoptions, we did have some kids who came to us, but in the end, they left our family for one reason or another. We had a boy named Matthew who was a "feral" child, and he proved to be very difficult to manage and was violent towards the other children; so we had no choice BUT to put him into an institution for mentally ill youth. He is still there as of this writing, and he is doing okay; but he still has to be closely supervised. We also had a little girl who died in our care from full-blown AIDS; her mother was a drug-user, and she passed the AIDS virus on to her unborn daughter, and she was a very sick little girl. She died at the age of two, and it was a very difficult and emotional time; and I still find myself getting teary whenever I think of her. Her name was Rachel, and she was a beautiful little girl with reddish-brown hair and huge, bright eyes of dark-brown. We also had a little fellow named Dajun from Georgia who had Down's syndrome, but he ended up going to a family in Georgia because he and my own Down's syndrome son, Roberto, were always fighting, and they couldn't get along, no matter HOW hard we tried! We also had two sisters, Hanh Ly and Linn Chan from Cambodia who were with us on a temporary basis while the family they were in the process of joining got their adoption paperwork completed, and now they are with that family in Fort Worth, Texas, and they are both doing very well. We still get letters from them, and we still miss Hanh Ly and Linn very, very much.
Our children have all had their moments, but some have just had more of them, so parenting them has been a daunting task. Besides Deborah and her own physical problems, we also have another little girl, Enriquesa, who was born WITHOUT arms OR legs, and she is also a congenital achondroplastic dwarf, or "little person". She has proven to be extremely energetic, and she is still very hyper and is always laughing. She physically wears us out, even on a good day. We also deal with Johnny, who has to be lifted from his wheelchair to his bed, or carried from room to room, and at twelve, Johnny is no lightweight. Ronee' is another one who has been unpredictable because she does have allergies that have put her into the hospital, plus she has asthma, and she does have occasional flares where her joints swell us and she becomes sick, sometimes to the point of hospitalization. She has also had a stroke, but she has very little evidence of that now at the age of twelve. She had the stroke on her eighth birthday, and she was paralyzed for a time, but now she is a (fairly) healthy, extremely happy little girl with an outgoing personality! She recently had surgery back in May, and she has just about recovered, and now we have to CHASE her all over, just so to try to keep up with her! LOL
In addition, we also have Jodie, Todd, and Roberto, who are all physically AND mentally disabled. Jodie and Todd are both profoundly mentally retarded, with I.Q. readings in the low 30's, and they are virtually prisoners of their own bodies. They can't do very much for themselves (but Jodie IS talking now, after years of silence, and she is now able to express herself more). They are both dependent on us for their basic needs--feeding, diapering, dressing and undressing, etc.--, and they are more like big babies than older kids, but they are two of the most loving, sweetest kids you could ever run across, and whenever people first meet them, they are always moved. Roberto isn't as seriously disabled as Jodie and Todd--that is, he CAN walk and talk; but he DOES use crutches and wears braces on his legs--, but he CAN still be unpredictable at times, so life with him is never dull; life with Roberto is always exciting! LOL One never knows what he will do next! He has just turned thirteen, but he has the mind of a very young child, and he is still very dependent on us for a lot of things. He also has a temper to be reckoned with. He can be extremely stubborn and strong-willed, so sometimes a good part of our day is spent dealing with Roberto when he IS in one of his moods!
Well, Tanya, I do hope this answers some of your questions. I will write more another time. Again, thank you for writing to me, and thank you for your questions. I do hope to hear from you, and I wish you nothing but the best as you start your Adoption Journey! God bless you, Tanya, and do write again soon!
(((HUGS))) and love, a new friend in Tennessee, Louisiana Sandusky (soon to be a Mama to 53 Miracles!). :)
P.S.: We are waiting for our 53rd child, Janica Kryzstina, who will be arriving into our International Family in just a few weeks! Time sure has flown; now that day is nearly here! We CAN'T wait!!!!! :D
A excellent addition to this series Karen, wonderful as always!
Peace and love,
Carole
Reviewed by Tracey L. O' Very
8/1/2005
Karen, This really is a very imformative story here. There really is alot of red tape in this but that is good though as so many of the children that end up in foster homes and all are already traumatised and had a ruff life. Lots of weirdos in this world too. Adopting "Special Needs" kids is great and so loving. Lots of work and worry for sure. You really are a neat lady and it really comes through in all your stories. I love them and the two titles of the books "A Family Made Out of Miracles And Rainbows" and "...And The Miracles Continue"; Are they for real? They should be! and put all these stories you have written here in them.
Thanks Carin' Karen. You are more than terrific! (c :) 42xoox
Tracey
Excellent write--your imaginative stories are incredibly detailed and rich with meaning for those who raise other people's children as their own, due to circumstances, many times, beyond their control or ability. Well done!
I am amazed at the breadth of your imagination, Karen. Merci. Amour et paix. Ton ami de la C-B, Canada. Régis
Reviewed by Jennifer Butler
8/1/2005
Rebecca of a small town Kentucky's Police Force would be mad as Mount Saint Helens to be awoken with such a thought. A woman must keep her own children if she is to give them a complete and healthy life.
Note: Since my husband's cancer surgery 4/25/05, this book content has been integrated into the public speaking content for audiences interested in a sassy approach to personal and/or community awareness events. Another chapbook on intimate love poet
These timeless quotations culled from the celebrated corpus of writings by W.E.B. Du Bois are presented with illuminating introductory essays by Aberjhani. Narration of the Audible book performed by Catherine Byers.
Monday, August 1, 2005 (Almost put July; have to remember that it is a new month! LOL), 10:48 a.m., C.D.T.~
