December 2, 2005, Barrow, Alaska~

Dear Journal~

I am sitting here, trying to figure out things. I am not sure as to who I am or who I want to believe anymore. I don't know whether to conform to my traditioanlist Inuit upbringing or go into the direction of the Dog Children (non-Inuit people), as so many of my fellow Inuit people have done. It is as though I am being pulled in two directions at once and it is as though I am living in two different worlds.

I want to  make my Ancestors proud of me, but lately I have seemed to displease them, and this is why I am being severely punished. I lost my parents, I lost my health, I lost my good friend Louisiana Sandusky, and I lost my appetite for life. Nothing matters to me anymore, and I wonder if the gods or the spirits are angry. They seem to be: even the aurora has been angry: lately it has been a deep, brilliant red, and I am worry what may happen...