Illness
All stories you make thing have a beginning an and end, well not mind. Minds began an still has not ended, it was December 2004 second weekend, I got up like most people do ready to shop for the holiday, excited filled with joy, I was tired but that did not interrupt my day, enjoyed the time I spent with my daughter loving life, not letting the memory of my brother over cloud me, but yet it still consumed my thought’s. I had spent hours taking my time in each shop and as I walked out of the mall I said to myself this was a good day, as I drove home I felt distant from myself, it was like something took over my body, and to my dismay it did, my throat was sore fatigue over came me, I opened the door to my apartment and went strayed to the bed to lay down, my daughter called to me saying mom I’m going out for awhile, and that was the last memory I had, I awoke to an unfamiliar environment, walking around looking at everything, trying to remember, I saw a tree and presents, that’s was the only way I knew it was Christmas time, I called to my son who was in the house asking him what day it was what time it was, asking him to give me back pieces of my life that I lost in memory, I did that with everyone that rushed over, tears rolled down my face, I was scared shaken, I was told of today’s events which all sounded so strange, like a dream little by little lifting away I remembered things, I scared myself, after that days went by an my normal routine and pace of life began again, Christmas came by an went, approaching new years as that moment stayed in my head, wishing everybody happy new years I left work not knowing that a illness laid dormant inside of me, I awoke the Monday the first of the new year sick I could hardly move, taking any thing in the medicine cabinet that will give me some comfort, I couldn’t eat, my throat seemed closed, my slept for days, waken up in a sweat, my left side was num I called my mother, crying like a child, as I hung up the phone I said I will be ok, which I knew I wouldn’t I just didn’t wont to alarm her, the next thing I knew the paramedics was in my room, asking me are you ok I whisper yes just the flu. The next day I got up an drove to my parents collapsing on the upstairs bed, aching all over, I couldn’t sleep, fever over took me, inflammation that covered my body would not let me move, I looked in the mirror for the first time in days and saw that I looked like someone I didn’t know, my weight decreased in a matter of days, I begged my brother take me to the doctor please, the nurse took me in right away, the doctor looked at me and said my god what is wrong with you, my mother was talking as usually, the doctor screamed at her, asking her to shut up for once, I still can see the harrowed look on her face to this day, they rushed me to the emergency room, the er doc said oh she just has the flu, I can remember him benign rude, as though he didn’t care. I left without hading back to my doctor, he sent me home with antibiotics which did not work, I ended up back to office again, and the weight lose at that time frightened him as did me and my family, I was admitted, receiving four spinal taps, I did not feel the pain, I awoke to visits every so often, whispering do you thing she has aids, what could be wrong, one specialist after the other came into my room, I was pocted and prodded, while tears filled my eyes, I remember the nurse changing my ivs over and over gain, as well as the antibiotics they where pushing into me, it took days before I could feel, feel something flowing back into me, life I smiled to myself, I remembered a wash that seemed like heaven, I ordered breakfast, I could not hold it down, yet I still smiled I was getting better I thought, as time went by I asked a resident doctor can I go home, he answered yes, I called my brother and mother I was happy, I was instructed to go see my doc the next day which I did, it was that time I found out that the illness affected my liver and kidney, I thought time to myself, time to live, I did everything I was instructed not to do, I couldn’t see, my eyes where jaundice and conjunctivitis at the same time, I couldn’t drive I depended on other s to get by, medicine at my money up and my families, I could still feel the illness in my body, but said nothing to no one else, I knew an that was enough. Even though I tried to pick the pieces of my life back up again I couldn’t work, depression Covent me, like a blanket, hunger over came me but that pasted by also, I wanted to go some place leave, and that I did, I went to ny just to be able to say I went someplace incase something happened to me, I was weak, tired but I could not let that show, my family I left behind knowing that they would take care of each other, I provided for them, loved them still, but I needed to be, which I was not, I knew home called back at me, an I went, I fill empty, alone, my soul is dormant, my thoughts dwell on the little things in life that people ignore, yes the infection in my kidney and liver healed, but I still crave peace inside, repeated nightmares of grief haunts me.
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