Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado, click
here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.
You Get Past The Tears: Parents Of Children With Special Needs Speak Out... by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Rated "G" by the Author.
Parents of children with special needs talk about their kids and the joys that they have brought to them.
~Louisiana Sandusky, mother of 53 children, all adopted, most with special needs:
Being a parent to a child who is healthy is hard enough, but try parenting a child who has special needs--then it is next to impossible at times. You are responsible for providing your child access to the best medical care that is out there if he or she is to have any chance of staying healthy or having a normal life.
You are responsible for teaching society about various disabilities, illnesses, or diseases, and why your child behaves in a pecular manner, why your child must wear hearing aids, glasses, prosthetic limbs, or why your child uses crutches and wears leg braces for walking or why he or she sits in a wheelchair; or why your teenaged daughter is more like a child than a child of fourteen in terms of intelligence, or why she is fed by a tube in her belly or why she wears diapers, just like an infant.
You are your child's greatest advocate, his or her personal support system, for the rights of the disabled, and you have to fight tooth and nail to have your child (no matter HOW disabled he or she happens to be) accepted by a society who shuns the "abnormal" or people who happen to be "different".
You have to learn to see PAST your OWN fears or concerns and learn to see PAST your child's disabilities and see his or her full potential. You have to figure out what their strong/weak areas are, and then work to strengthen the stronger areas while, at the same time, you work to improve the weaker areas. You have to let your child know that although they may not see/hear/speak/think/walk as well as their peers, they STILL can accomplish great things in life, and they CAN make it with the right help/support. For some of my OWN children are living testimonies of this: I have a daughter with JRA (juvenile rheumatoid arthritis) who is well on her way to becoming a star in country and Cajun music. i have a daughter (she has cerebral palsy) who is happily married and is the mother to five beautiful children. I have a son who is active with the Muscular Dystrophy Association (as he has the disease himself), and people are always amazed at his will to live and his unending courage. I have a son who was miraculously healed from cancer, and now he is wrestling with whether to become a journalist, become a politician and possibly run for president of the United States, or go into the ministry and become an evangelist. All of these beautiful boys and girls that I call my children may be disabled, but there is certainly NOTHING "disabled" about their "can-do" spirit! They are all absolutely AMAZING!
~Phoebe Pearson, mother to 11 children, most adopted, most with special needs:
Louisiana Sandusky has given a lot of important information that ALL parents of disabled children face. She knows from experience, and she has proven time and time again that one CAN raise a very large family successfully. She is blessed with an unshakable faith in God, and she is blessed to have her husband, Bill; and together, they make a formidable team. Both are very familiar with disability/disability-related issues as they have had to live with disability themselves; so they know how their kids feel and what they are currently going through. Bill and Louisiana first adopted Johannes (Johnny) from Germany, then Ronee', a racially mixed Cajun baby from Louisiana came a week later, and then the family just started growing--and GROWING. Now they have an incredible 53 children (most with serious special meadical needs) who were adopted from places like different states in America, Canada, Central and South America, Korea, Vietnam, France, Iran, Bosnia, India, Holland, Roamania, Africa, Russia, and Sri Lanka; through God's Grace and the love generated from Louisiana and Bill, they became a family. A very large family, yes, but a very loving, close-knit family, to be sure.
We have several children who were born to us, and it was our oldest son who expressed a desire to adopt. He had a teacher in junior high (at the time) who had adopted several children from Korea and Vietnam, and to see these children fascinated him to no end. We talked at length about adoption and once we started doing research, we made the decision to try it. We were overwhelmed at first, but once the children came, one by one, and our own children got used to their new brothers and sisters, we became a very happy, close-knit family.
We have children who are from Cambodia, Korea, and different places in the United States, but they are still our children, first and formost. We wouldn't have it any other way!
~Kendra Mae Williams, adoptive mother to 16 girls, all with special needs:
God must have evisioned me as a mother because I had always wanted to BE a mother; but due to circumstances that were beyond my control (and the fact that I was single and never married), I somehow doubted it. I was born with s severe physical disability (spina bifida) that left me depending on a wheelchair for mobility, and I have had many surgeries as a result, the last surgery being just over a year ago. I had my shunt replaced after it failed. God obviously had other plans because He brought me several children, all with disabilities, who were in desperate need of a home and a family. All of the children in question were girls.
Even though I had my own physical problems to deal with, I was still determined to give the girls a chance to succeed in life, the love they so desperately needed, and a home that they could finally call their very own.
My girls range in age from just a few weeks all the way to 17 years old, and they came from Sri Lanka, India, Africa, Japan, and America. All are disabled, as I just mentioned, some of them quite severely. Still, they are beautiful kids who love life and love living here in California. We live in a town called Soulsbysville, and it is a perfect area to raise 16 lively, growing girls. Now, in the past, some people have questioned my abilities as a mother (they said that "my disability only hampered in my caring for my girls" and that "I was an unfit mother", when in reality, I was a VERY GOOD mother!). It was a very hard, emotional time for me, but I had friends who rallied around me, and it was ONLY through their prayers/support that, in the end, the girls got to stay with me. It was a HUGE answer to prayer, and now the girls are enjoying the demands of a baby, a little girl named Felicity who is but a few weeks old. She is absolutely ADORABLE!! Life is indeed good for us right now!! :)
~Donna Oliver, adoptive parent to 10 children, all with special needs:
We have ten wonderful children (Iona, Bethlehem, Josiah, Ishmael, M'Bute', Carson, Patty, Marisa, Sugar, and Dixon) who came to us through the Miracle of faith, and we immediately fell in love with each and every one of them. They were all disabled, but Kip (he's my husband) and myself did not really see their disability: instead, all we saw were children in need of a home and children in need of love and a family. To us, their wheelchairs, crutches, mental slowness did NOT matter. We were determined to love them as our own and let them know that they were to stay with us forever and ever, that nothing could EVER seperate us.
That is the key to ensuring that your kids make it in life: give them your whole, undivided attention, make sure that they are taken care of (and get them medical aid when they DO get sick), let them know that they are loved, and let them know that, despite their disabilities, they still can have happy, rich, rewarding lives!
~Hector Rodgriguez, adoptive parent to five children, biological parent to two:
We already had two children of our own when Maria (mi esposa) and myself decided to adopt. We decided to adopt a child from Russia (a girl named Minka); soon after Minka came a little girl from China (Nicole), and then three Hispanic children (Larzo, Carmelita, and Susana [later renamed Shoshanna Hope]) from my wife's native Mexico. It was hard at first: the waiting, the not knowing whether the adoptions were to go through were the worst part about the whole adoption experience; but once we got "The Call", the call to pick up our children at the airport, we immediately knew that we were now a family--not just a FAMILY, per se, but a COMPLETE family.
Our children have since accepted the newcomers joyfully, and although some came with disabilities, they are still beautiful children, and we learned to accept their "differences" and see them as complete and whole.
We still do.
~Gretchen Wagner, adoptive mother to two, biological mother to one son:
I had one chlid already (Paul), and I loved him unconditionally, but I somehow felt that my family wasn't complete. I then decided to try adoption after I had done some extensive research on the Internet, and it was on the Internet when I first began reading about a family in Tennessee who had adopted over 40 children, most with special needs. I began to get curious, so I looked for information regarding this family; what I read intrigued me. This couple lived in Nashville, and they had three children of their own, but unfortunately they all died. Once after they got over their grief, they turned to adoption. They knew that there were children out there who were in desperate need of a family or a home to call their own, so they decided to try it.
Louisiana and Bill first adopted a baby boy from Germany, then a week later, a multiracial little Cajun girl from Louisiana. Then seven kids from Japan, Utah, Texas, Louisiana, Korea, and Canada joined the family. They went from being a family of four to a family of 11 overnight. All of the kids were disabled, some of them quite severely, but the parents were determined to love them and raise them as their very own.
Now the Sanduskys have adopted many more children, and they now have an incredible 53 CHILDREN. The newest children came from Romania and Sri Lanka; at last check, the three newest children are adjusting well, and now the Sanduskys are one of the largest families that I have heard of.
It was after I read one of Louisiana's books that I made the decision to adopt a child. I went through the necessary steps, and it was a very hard, long, time consuming process. I think the waiting (and not knowing whether the adoptions were to go through) was the hardest part of the Adoption Journey. Finally, after what seemed like a million years, came The Call, the Call that was to stamp me as a new mother. I was to get a pair of children, a boy and a girl from Korea. As you can imagine, I was beyond thrilled. I was about to become a mother for the second and third time, and little Paul was to become a big brother!
The day finally arrived when Soo Park Yung and Eun Mi Sung came. When I first saw my new Korean babies (later to be called Nicholas and Nicole) at the airport, I cried. No matter how hard I tried, I could NOT stop crying. I was too happy!
Now, about two years later, little Nicholas and Nicole are very aware that I am their mommy, and the love I have for them both has only multiplied. Paul has learned to love them too, and even though they sometimes fight (as all brothers and sisters do), Paul is still their big brother, and he is their protector. He will fight anyone who tries to hurt them in every way. Nicholas and Nicole are learning new things each and every day, and their development is right on target with other kids their age.
All three children are enrolled in daycare, and Nicholas and Nicole, with their dark, exotic Oriental looks, are two of the most popular kids at the center. They are very well loved, adn this pleases me very, very much.
I know that, even with their uncertain start, my kids will make it in life. Meanwhile Paul will learn to appreciate children who are different from him, and he will have a greater understanding of other cultures and heritages because of the arrival of his little brother and sister from Korea.
touching story Karen and you're right it is hard enough being normal. Normal kids catch it hard so what can be said about having a handicap?
Normal kids should feel lucky, but some of them don't. They make all type problems for themselves. Get hurt feelings and shoot up schools and the teachers
You know Karen that this is the nicest story you have written so far. It is sad that people who are healthy, and have the use of their arms and legs would make fun of someone who doesn't. That makes mer cry when I hear stories of ppl whit disabilities being beaten and killed...Your stories actually teach the world to sing, Karen. Thnx for sharing. May the Lord Jesus bless you, and those whom you love, and be with you always, and at your side constantly. With much love in my heart, maybe too stubborn for my own good, joy to the world, peace on earth, & ((((((((((MANY WONDERFUL SISTERLY HUGGGGSSSS)))))))))), your still very sad and very terrified little sister, Barbie
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
A very accountable write! Such an expansive special-needs repetoire. There is a good metaphor here. "Walk behind the child and see where she/he is going!" You give your characters such operable reinforcement and share with us, their everyday dealings. Thanks for the Inspirational today, Karen Lynn.
Holy Hannah! Karen you are the greatest mother of all, I haven't counted all of your charachters, but I'll bet it's the most anyone has ever had to write about. How you do it is still an amazing feat to me, and you deserve an award! Do me a favor and count your kids, let me know how many there are;-)Blessings to you and keep writing!(as if anyone could stop you;-)
A very inspiring write, Karen and actually not only for parents who's children have special needs, for all parents! ABSOLUTELY EXCELLENT!!!
Lots of Love, Birgit and Roger
Note: Since my husband's cancer surgery 4/25/05, this book content has been integrated into the public speaking content for audiences interested in a sassy approach to personal and/or community awareness events. Another chapbook on intimate love poet
