A Composer’s Journal: December 8-13, 2005
Thursday, December 8
5:18 a.m.
Typed in some Journal entries and then came downstairs to find snow falling outside in the lamplight and inches of snow already on the ground. And the fire out in the coal stove. The outside light in the back garden was on, and the small firs were already covered. I stood by the window to watch. The snow lends a presence to the garden that cannot be equaled in any other season, especially at night. Suddenly the shrubs and trees have an indisputable mass and form, geometry.
Earlier tonight I went to the dress technical rehearsal of The Nutcracker in town, with Chris & Sarah, then dinner. JF stopped by about midnight to chat, & it began to snow; I started the fire. And now a few hours later, alone & no fire & a white, silent world.
Tuesday, December 13
2:30 a.m.
Looked out the back door. The thermometer says two below zero. Lit the fire earlier, the house is nicely warmed. Spent some hours at the TV studio tonight, working on the audio for the Visions show. Endless problems with the machines. Deleted Vision VIII, because the audio was unusable. Fixed a small character generator mistake in the credits. Figured out how to use the audio mixer & found the compressor.
I think I got a cold walking to the studio. In any case, I’m sneezing.
The finished sketches for Mt. II of the cycle for strings and choir have been standing untouched on the music rack for so long that they are now buckling at the bottom & in danger of sliding off the piano. Abandoned on the rack.
I am staring at them now, from where I am sitting. Life has gone on, & those pages have sat in the harbor, waiting patiently or impatiently for me, it doesn’t matter - there they sit. Or stand. Surrounded by other sheets of manuscript paper, volumes of Beethoven and Rachmaninov, Liszt, Chopin, Schubert - and brightly wrapped Christmas presents & a plush Santa in a green velvet coat and huge whiskers & beard. And a pirate’s sword & hat for Ian.
Eight to ten hours a day, & the main score could be copied out in a week. An extended meditation. There would be no room for anything else, or I could lose the entire piece. Maybe I have been waiting for the cold of winter, the clarity - and the warmth & fire of the coal stove. Maybe I am waiting for more ideas to come in for Mt. III. Once Mt. II is finished, copied out - Mt. III should be written without a gap. Even if the third movement is entirely different from the others, & in every way possible - the movements must connect. The invisible threads that connect the movements are the heartbeat that supports all the various notes & harmonies from one movement to the next, until the last note. One breath, an exhale & then another breath - 3 movements, 3 prayers.
Whatever the reason for this long delay - I trust it.
