An unpopular student who is overweight shares a glimpse into his world with us.
I feel like just ending it all. If I committed suicide, I would no longer have to worry about people's jibes. I wouldn't have to worry about being fat or being picked on by everyone I happen to know.
I have always struggled with my weight, ever since I was small. My parents didn't make it any easier by putting me on diet after diet; when I lost the weight, they were overjoyed, but something would happen, and the weight would balloon right back up. As you can imagine, my parents were dismayed. They berated me, and they only ended up making me feel worse.
Every day is a living hell for me. There is no way to describe the torment I face. If I don't get it from my perfectionist, fit parents who are exercise mad or my obnoxious older sister at home, I also get it at school.
It is even worse in school.
The teasing starts as soon s I step onto the bus until I go to sleep at night; I hardly sleep well at night because in my quiet mind, I still can hear the teasings and tauntings, and it is all I can do to keep from crying or doing something desperate to end the pain.
Every day I hear name-calling, and it is enough to drive me mad. People call me Lardo, Lardbucket, Elephantine, and much worse, and I often end up getting sick to my stomach (sometimes to the point of actually vomiting due to my overstressed nerves). Or else I cry (I then get teased for THAT, too!).
Because of all the teasing I have to endure, nobody gives a damn about me or how I feel. They think I am only getting sick or crying to attract attention. What they DON'T realize is that I am NOT faking what I have been trying to tell them, that what I am telling them is TRUE. Do they think that I am a LIAR?? Do they LIKE seeing me being so unhappy??
It is no wonder I have such a low opinion about myself. IF people would stop and realize that underneath all this "excess blubber" that I am a person, a person with feelings, just like they are, then maybe all this goddamn bullshit would stop!! I am TIRED of having to try to put up with all this crap. I am tired of having people judge me just by how I look on the outside instead of looking deep into my heart and seeing the TRUE me.
I am tired of people NOT coming to my aid when people are dissing me. I am tired of my family not supporting me, and I am tired of just. plain. LIVING. If I were to get to the point to where I would try to end my life, I bet nobody would come to my funeral. I have no friends, my family hates how I look, and nobody understands the struggles I have to go through on account of my excess bulk.
At 360 + pounds, I am considered extremely obese, and I am at risk of developing serious health issues if I am not careful. I am at risk of dying sooner than a person who is in great shape, and I am judged even before anyone gets to know the true me.
I have been looking for a part time job after school, but so far it's like I have hit a brick wall. Nobody wants to hire me because I am too fat, and I would only turn people off if they saw me. No kidding, this is what some of the people at places I applied at actually TOLD me, and it crushed me. Just more stress on top of the stress that I face in everyday living. It has gotten to the point to where I don't even CARE anymore, and all of a sudden, the thought of suicide is looking to be the only option I have to put an end to this misery.
This is so absolutely heartbreaking!!! The world's cruelty does not seem to have any limits. With all the endured cruelty he already has more than serious health problems, and the worst part, for so many, it is not fiction. You did a wonderful job on transfering yourself for this piece of fiction into a childs abused soul. Very impressive, very compelling!!
Lots of love and many hugs, Birgit and Roger
Deeply touched by this....knowing being the shortest overweight memmber of my family...there is always someone making you feel like shit!! Then I lost ALOT of wieght and they still had something to say...now I have this "I look ugly" forever printed in my mind!!
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