Ellen Jones in Indiana is still having a hard time dealing with the tragedies in her life. She tries to explain how frustrated she has been and why she has been so angry.
Tuesday, March 7, 2006, 5:07 p.m., C.S.T.~
Dear Louisiana Sandusky~
Yes, I DID get your package after we lost our belongings to that awful fire; and we appreciate it greatly, but I don't understand why you have to bend over backwards to try to help a stranger in need. We aren't giving-type people, and we have trouble asking for help, even when we need it the most. We have always tried to do things all by ourselves, Wayne and I, and if things happened, we just dealt with it and went on.
But this, the fire and losing our home and belongings, has hit us very hard, as you can possibly imagine (as it would ANY person). We aren't used to having a place to stay (we have been living with friends the last month, and before that, at a motel), and it's been so hard trying to get what we have left together and try to start anew. I still don't understand why we weren't killed in that fire, or why we weren't badly injured; but I wonder if it would had been better if we HAD been. Life right now is awful at best, and we still cry every day over what we have lost.
I just don't know what we are going to do to ever repay you. You sent us over several hundred dollars in cold hard cash; and we aren't used to taking money from people we don't know. Oh, the gesture WAS very nice, don't get us wrong; but there is NO way we could EVER repay you (or your church) for all that you have already done for us! You also sent us food items and even a copy of your newest book, "...And The Miracles Continue", and it is very much appreciated, but we can't pay you back. I hope you understand this.
We are still very angry about what has happened. I know it was something beyond our control, but maybe there was a reason for the fire to happen. I don't know, but I wonder why we are still here, and I wonder what is going to happen to us down the road. We are stuck like chuck here until we get a new place of our own or until we get jobs to pay the bills that are surely to come; and as you know, jobs are hard to come by in these uncertain days and times.
Wayne and I are coping day by day; some days we are happier than we have been in a long time, but then we think of the fire, and we are back to square one; we can't help but to cry or grieve over what we have lost. We are wondering why God would allow such a terrible thing to happen; in fact, why would He ALLOW things like pain and suffering, war, terrorism, violence, starvation, droughts, or disasters to occur in our world at will instead of getting off His Fat Ass and doing something about it? Doesn't He EVEN CARE for His People, or is He just a Callous Bastard? I hate to put God in this context, but I just don't understand His Reasonings at times, and I still find myself having a hard time believing in a Person that I can't even SEE! I also find myself having trouble believing in Someone who says He is good, but then I see all the hurts around me, and I think He is very, very Bad, almost as bad as the devil himself! Do you understand what I am trying to say here?
I know you may be angry when you read what I have written above, but I can't help myself. God has never really done anything worthwhile in my life, or in Wayne's, and we have done okay without needing His Services. If you ask me, I think this religion shit is just a crutch that people use for an excuse!
Ever since the fire, I have been plagued with nightmares; and I am lucky, DAMNED lucky, if I get even SIX hours of sleep a NIGHT! I am so worn out emotionally and physically I am about to fall over! Life is NOT good now, and I wish you goody-goody Christian hypocrites would just leave me and my husband the hell alone! We don't need your kind preaching at me! I am just tired of LIFE, and I am just tired of LIVING!
I thank you for writing, but I don't know if it is a good idea for you to keep writing to me because chances are I am going to say something that is only going to royally piss you off, and I don't want to face your wrath. I have heard that Cajuns have FOUL tempers, and I don't want to risk it. So if you don't hear from me again, now you know why. I am scared of you!
Karen, you have just about outdone yourself with this one! The way you presented the feeling of this woman, her anger and frustration, the despair, brilliant work, very close to some peoples rality!!!
Lots of Love and many hugs, Birgit and Roger
God doesn't cause the storms, the catastrophies, the illnesses, the tragedies of life; He is grieved that Satan has free reign on this planet. FOR THE TIME BEING. Soon, in a little while, the Lord Himself will descend from Heaven with a shout and take Satan and throw him and his followers into the Lake of Fire.
A powerfully emotional, shattering write--how, now, brown cow, is Louie going to respond to the blistering she got at Ellen's hand? I look forward to the answer...well done!
A very powerful and hard edged emotional write Karen
Yes, there is a reason for everything in this world, and it all becomes crystal clear in the fullness of time..........
God understands the frustrations and impatience of his believers, and just remember the Blessed St Thomas would not believe Christ had risen from the dead, until he could see him in person !
He did, and then he was satisfied
Blessed are they that believe, without seeing Karen
We go through hard times in life to hone our own faith, and usually there is an an accompanying underlying reason for it, specificially
that in some area of our lives, we are still out of sync with Almighty God, or holding out from him
Keep the Faith !!!
Love and Blessings
Peter
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