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Michael's Journalings, Entry One: Thoughts From A Father Of A Preemie... by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Rated "G" by the Author.
Michael Doucet, exhausted from his trip to the children's hospital to see his new baby son, writss in his journal, regarding his feelings about the situation at hand.
Thursday, April 13, 2006, Anchorage, Alaska~
Dear Journal~
I can't believe it...I am a father. I am a father to a baby boy. A tiny, helpless, sick baby boy who shouldn't have been born yet!
My wife, Jenna Aurora, fell yesterday while getting out of bed to use the bathroom, and her water broke, thus, sending her into premature labor. The baby wasn't due to be born until August. It's only April. He was born four months premature, and he is a very tiny little thing, hardly bigger than a minute!
I have just gotten bck from seeing little Mattaq at the Children's Hospital here in Anchorage, and I was with him all night. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. He is holding his own, but he is in very serious condition, and so many things can go wrong with him when people least expect it. He is hooked up to a whole myriad of tubes aind wires, and he looks so---vulnerable. I looked at him, and I couldn't help but to cry.
I don't know what is going to happen--what if Mattaq gets worse? What if he is left with brain damage or some other horrible type of disability that renders him a vegetable, unable to see/hear/speak/move without difficulty? What if he has to use a wheelchair? Crutches? Wear braces to hold his little body up? What if he dies? What will Jenna and I do then? I can't imagine losing our son: he is only a day old now, but I already have fallen in love with him!
I have already called our good friends in Tennessee, the Sandusky family, and they have put our baby boy on the prayer chain at their church. I am sure Louie Sandusky has already alerted friends to our desperate situation, and I am sure that baby Mattaq's name is being added to other church prayer lists. That gives me a sense of hope, to know that people care for Jenna and myself!
Jenna, as you can imagine, is devastated, blaming herself for Mattaq'a early arrival. I keep telling her that it was only an accident that she fell, but she won't hear of it. She is inconsolable. She is very tired (not to mention, very worried), and whenever she looks at the picture I took of our son, all she can do is lie there and cry helplessly. It breaks my heart to see her so grief-stricken; I wish there was something I could do--or SAY--to reassure Jenna!!
Well, I am going to lie down now next to my wife and hold her, comfort her somehow. I just wish that I know what to do, what lies in store for our brand new baby son!
I will write again as things develop. I know that Mattaq will have his bad days as well as his good days, so you will get a blow-by-blow, up-to-the-minute account of what goes on with our son. I will also write about how Jenna and I are faring, how friends and family members are faring, over the news of little Mattaq's early arrival. Right now I am going to lie down and try to comfort Jenna.
The poor guys, it must be such an awful time, all that fear, all those worries and poor Jenna blaming herself. A very touching and realistic entry!
Love and Hugs, Birgit and Roger
Karen
I will pray for little baby Mattaq, at four months premature, his poor
little lungs will not be fully developed, and he will be in a critical
condition, God Bless him !
Love and Blessings
Peter
I look forward to reading Michael's thoughts on becoming a father sooner than expected; well done! His worries are clearly evident in this excellent journal entry.
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