Michael Doucet updates us on the fate of his new baby boy, Mattaq, who was born weighing just over a pound at birth.
Saturday, April 22, 2006, Anchorage, Alaska~
Dear Journal~
I am sitting here, wondering when this nightmare we are having will end. I wish it was overwith; I hate worrying about the future like this and whether our baby son will get to be a part of it!
The other day, Mattaq had a Grade II brain bleed, and he had a stroke. Not a bad one, but a stroke, nevertheless; now his one side is paralyzed. They are giving him therapy and medication to try to bring it back, and he has this thing in his skull to monitor the pressure inside his brain. If it goes too high, they give him special medication to bring it back to more acceptable levels, and he is still wired for sound: he has all kinds of monitors on his scrawny little body.
Poor Jenna is still beside herself: it appears that she is terribly depressed, and the day after our son had his stroke, she and I got into a terrible fight. Now, my wife is deaf, but I am sure that if she were able to talk, she would be screaming at me, cussing me out, calling me every name in the book; but all she could do was wave her fist of fury at me and let the sign language fly. Man, you talk about FAST!
I could barely read her signs, her hand was going over ninety miles an hour! (I said hand because one of my wife's hands is paralyzed. She can only move one hand instead of both.) LOL She was telling me that it was my fault that Mattaq was born early, that she shouldn't have married me because she is a burden, and all that kind of stuff. It really made me angry.
I had to leave the hospital for an hour just so I could cool my jets. I HATE it when Jenna gets into one of her "poor, poor, pitiful me" moods: it destroys everything I (or others) have tried to instill in her since her accident, and then she has to work like hell to try to get back to the level where she was at before she got depressed (again).
This post partum depression is MURDER. Being around Jenna when she is depressed is imPOSsible at times, nad no mtter what I do or say can please her. I tried telling her to rely on God, but that went over like a dead balloon.
That was the wrong thing to say.
That was when she told me to go f*** myself. I was shocked; I had never heard Jenna say boo, and here she goes cursing me out like a sailor. I had to get away or else I was probably going to regret what I was going to say to her next (that she was being selfish). Then the fur would have REALLY flew.
I knew I had to leave her (aka, go outside to cool off); I was so mad I was seeing all-red auroras in my vision.
Jenna has since cooled down, but she is still very depressed, and I am at the end of my rope. I have tried to be supportive, be a good husband, to her. Jenna has it stuck inside her pea-sized little mind that she is nothing but a burden, and that it is her fault that Mattaq was born early, the same old song and dance. Frankly, it is getting tiresome.
Maybe I need to write to Louisiana Sandusky for advice. She is good at dispensing that kind of stuff. (She should be a psychiatrist instead of a nurse! LOL) Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I just may go ahead and do that....
Well, Mattaq is holding his own, but it is hard seeing him suffering so much, and three is really nothing I can do about it. Just let the docs and nurses do their job and try to save his life is all. He is stronger than I give him credit for: he is now over a week old, and he is proving to be a very scrappy little fellow despite his tiny size.
He has my Cajun genes in him, and he also has Jenna's warrior Inuk spirit: he is a fighter, and I have taken to calling him "The Greatest" (ake Muhammed Ali) because he has courage, even at this very young age. He is amazing, and now suddenly I have hope for him for the first time since he was born!
Just continue to keep us lifted in prayer, that is is all I ask. I or Jenna could really use a Miracle about now, but little Mattaq especially neesds a Miracle to get over the effects of this stupid brain bleed and stroke!!
To write Louisiana is a great idea! Not only will she probably be full of great advice, it also can let the poor guy vent some steam, which can only improve his emotional state. (Besides, we would love to see the exchange of letters :-)) He is such a brave young man. Excellent almost too realistic write! The others (on the board) are write, no doubt1
Love and Hugs, Birgit and Roger
Have to agree with the board here, Karen.. this is so REAL and breathtakingly palpable it should be made into a screen play... just to enlighten the masses as to the agony you portray in these vulnerable and hurting lives that is beyond belief with their multiple complexities. One of these "problems" on their own would be enough... but all together is perhaps more than the soul can bear. I am sure that you have conveyed the pain here with so much integrity that we are ALL praying along for this little guy to keep on fighting to pull through... you could write a book on this one! Compelling and gut-wrenching, bless you. Kate xx
This write is so close to palpable that one can almost see Michael Doucet's soul praying and weeping at the same time. Beautiful the way you captured so perfectly the voice of this man's love for his family.
Aberjhani
Karen
It sounds like poor Jenna, Michael and especially Mattaq need urgent prayers and intercessions..
The distraught picture of Michael says it all !
Love and Blessings
Peter
I don't think Jenna is being selfish. She was pregnant, she fell (accidents happen), so, she is going to blame herself. Michael needs to be a little more understanding and a lot more supportive...just my opinion. :)
Suspenseful and close to home, Rain of Deception 2 will leave you in Tears. Much like Part 1, this will shocking sequel will keep you on the edge of your fingertips.
A poignant story about letting go of a narcissist in your life. Have you ever been attacked FULL force by a narcissist? It's the closest thing to being stabbed over and over in the back.
