Friday, July 20, 2006, Sacramento, California~

Dear Journal~

I am trying to be strong for Rebekkah and her family, but every time I leave the room, I cry.

That poor child has been through so much, and it looks like it isn't going to get better any time soon. My heart breaks for her; I look into her eyes, and instead of joy, I see only pain and sadness.

Rebekkah has had to deal with so much lately, especially since she just got home from the hospital after surgery. She had an overwhelming bacterial infection in her remaining leg, and the only way her life could be spared was to amputate. So now she has no legs, and she has been enduring two hours or more of therapy every day, and I am sure it is preying on her mind.

Rebekkah has also been worried about Susie Jackson, who is, herself, recovering from surgery, and Susie has been having emotional outbursts, and it seems that Rebekkah thinks that she doesn't want to be around her.

Audrey has been worried sick over her children, and understandably so. After all, it is a mamma's intuition to worry about her children when they are sick or unhappy. I have been trying to be a good friend to her, but she has turned distant, and it's like she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. It is a sad situation.

It doesn't help that I am missing my own family back in Tennessee. I can't help but to think of how much I miss my Bill or my children. I wonder how they are faring without me, and I wonder if the house is still standing. LOL I wonder how my elderly father and my step-mother are doing, and I wonder if the heat has affected any of my family members.

The country has been in the grips of a major heat wave for nearly two weeks now, and over 100 people have perished on account of the heat. I hope and pray that  none of my family members were involved; if they were I probably would have heard something by now, and thank God, I haven't.

The weather here in Sacramento has been warm too; even here in California the heat hasn't spared its appearance, and there are a lot of miserable people here. They look at me and wonder how I can have a positive attitude about the heat, but they have to remember that I am USED to heat. I was born in Louisiana, in the bayou country, and heat is like a familiar friend. It's when it is COLD when I have the problems...LOL

I can't help thinking about that woman I took care of on Sunday at work, in the E.R. I wonder if she has awakened yet or if they know who she is and where she is from. All I know is that she probably faces a long, painful recovery from her injuries, and I am sure that she will be messed up emotionally, too. I will have to pray for this woman, even though I don't know her name....

I keep thinking, too, about Vlademir Aleksander, our newest child. I am sure that he thinks that I abandoned him because it seems like not long after he came here to be with us, I have flown the coop. I am sure that somewhere in his little mind he thinks if I have deserted him or if I am ever coming back. I will have to give him lots of extra hugs and kisses upon my return, to quell his fears. He isn't used to our ways yet, and everything in America is still new and foreign to him. I am sure he has been shedding a lot of tears!

I think of Johnny: how the news of Rebekkah's recent problems have affected his health. Is he still well, or is he going downhill? Has he had any renewed weakness or problems involving his breathing? Has he had any seizures that I don't know about? Has he had any more episodes of unexplained crying jags or depression? Johnny is such a trooper for having gone through all that he has so far in his young life, and now that he has someone to love, and she is in trouble, I am sure that this is affecting him somehow. I will have to pray for Johnny, too...

I am trying to be strong for the Cohens, but as I said, every time I leave the room, I cry. I am sure that they can hear me. I am sure that they are wondering what is going on, and wondering if it was the right decision to come here. I am sure that I must be adding more worries to their already-stressed out world, and I am wondering if I should go back to Tennessee, back home, back to my family.

I have been sad too lately, and I guess it is because I miss my family, miss my work, miss my employees. I am not used to being away from the ones I love and care about the most, and I wonder what is going to happen to the Cohens and the Jacksons when I DO leave.

At least I have Kendra Williams and Louisa Mason to look up to if things get TOO wild and crazy. They have come over several times already, checking up on me, praying for me. I have found two incredible friends in Louisa Mason and in Kendra Williams, and they have been nothing but a huge blessing for me. I also have been able to go to church (Living Waters Assembly of God, which is where Kendra and Louisa both go), and the congregation and the pastoral staff have been very welcoming towards me, thus, easing the fears and tears just a little bit.

Well, we are going to see Susie at the hospital, so I will go for now. Hopefully she is having a better time of it today; she has had a rough few days, according to Audrey and Naomi, who lets me know of all that is going on with her. Rebekkah has also been filling me in after she gets home from PT.

Take care, Journal, and God bless!

~Love, your friend, Louie May Sandusky. :) (smiling despite the tears)