My love life is dead.  I don’t know when it died, I don’t know how it died.  But it’s a fact. It’s deader than a doornail.

I believe several factors have contributed to its demise:

My three daughters, who range from elementary to middle school age, are my life and consume A LOT of my time.  But I would have it no other way – they are only young once.  Between helping with homework, band, chorus, track, dance, open school nights, parent/teacher conferences, assemblies, school holiday programs,  tennis lessons,  school trips, weekend library trips, taking them to work with me on weekends, vacations, and just like plain ol’ having fun with them – leaves very little time to socialize with available gentlemen.  And these activities only take up my evenings & weekends.  I work a full time job outside the home, in an office full of – you guessed it – WOMEN!  Not a male in the bunch.

My children’s many activities DO allow me to expand my social circle; however they usually include couples, or other single ladies.  The number of available single fathers is practically nil.  For the few who ARE available, they are probably overwhelmed by the sheer number of salivating, man-hungry single moms who would give anything to grab a chance at romance and a possible permanent mate. I’m not even going to TRY on this one.

Like a lot of women, I’ve had a cyber-flirt going on every now and then, but it’s unrealistic to conduct a meaningful relationship with someone living in Chicago or Nigeria while YOU cool your heels in South Carolina. Good for the ego, but in the end it’s nothing but fantasy.

There is a rather substantial pool of men to troll through, if you don’t mind beer drinking, alcohol-loving day laborers.  After the job whistle blows, they either head to the nearest tree to congregate and booze up, or to closest bar to tie one on, and shoot pool with their friends until all hours.  Eventually they meander home, expecting their women to be delighted that they deigned to show up at all. They fill their kitchen sinks full of dirty dishes for the little ladies to wash, after scarfing dinner and washing it down with more beer. Then they flop into their beds (often without the benefit of a shower), where the overworked mothers of their children are expected to become tigresses in the sack.

Uh, yeah…   NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Now, I live near not one, not two, but THREE military bases, so military folks are nearly EVERYWHERE.  Every branch of the military is represented here, but the most prominent group are the Marines – the ‘Jar-Heads’. You’d think this would be heaven for a single woman right? 

WRONG! 

MARRIED military men are everywhere!  The ones who are NOT married are young enough to be my sons. To make matters even more dismal, the service encourages the unmarried to tie the knot ASAP so they have a support system to come back home to after grueling tours of duty.

So why not toss my hat into the ring with a younger man, you ask?

Let’s face it, these kids probably would like to have their own children some day.  The problem with choosing a woman like me is that this shop is CLOSED!  It went out of business YEARS ago, and if they can’t deal with the 12, 10 and 6-year-old models that are presently running around my house, they will have to find another shop with the ‘OPEN’ sign in the window.

Believe it or not, I have met several younger men in the 18 to 25-year-old range who want to ‘get with me’ BECAUSE I am an older woman. They think it will be exciting to take a walk on the Geritol side for a little while, just for the experience.  But very few want a real relationship. While I will consider someone younger, I’ll be DAMNED if I’m going smile and act like a deaf mute when people comment assuming that the man at my side is my son.

I guess by now you’ve figured out that I am VERY picky.  I’ve matured enough to really know who I am, what I want and don’t want in my life.  Our measure of time on the planet is too short as it is, and I’m not going to waste it on those who can’t please me long term. 

I’ve been praying to God that He will send me a man who is single, mature, handsome, creative, intelligent, ambitious, outgoing, Christian and employed!  RICH wouldn’t hurt, either.  I don’t think I’m asking too much.  I’m confident that He’ll bring my soul mate to me in due season.

Prayerfully it will happen while I’m still young enough to remember what to do when he finally comes along…

Tyler Perry, where ARE you, Honey?

Copyright .2006, RM Green