Love: warm liking or affection; affectionate DEVOTION
Strange: not previously known, seen, felt, heard of etc.
I heard that Love doesn't hurt And I heard "No Pain No Gain" And I heard his voice......
Nose two inches off the floor, I can smell the lamination covering the hardwood. I was almost there dear Lord I was almost there. I picked him, I choused him. I watched him walk, listened for his voice. I looked at the size of his hands, I looked for that smile. I listened for his voice. I can love you I heard it loud and clear. I didn’t put it there myself. It did come from out of his mouth, from in between his teeth, from out of his gut I can love you. He scream it, from scents of he and I just breathing together. His breath on me on mines. He said you my baby in hugs and kisses. Finally!! Someone who understands me and listens to me. Not just the air that be coming out, but the words, I love the way he takes them in his hands, looks at them, play with them before sliding them in his ears. Yes finally I found the one! He takes charge too, he don’t wait on me and he ain’t pushy. He have a way of sliding me and gliding me and we both end up smiling. The great puppeteer and I his marionette. As long as we had an understanding. I was willing to do and be any and everything he wanted me to be. But this!!!! This mess on the floor with my heart grabbing at my ankles. I bend, I bend so far back that my nose was two inches from the floor with a smile on my face looking out behind me. The same two inches that now I can’t see nothing but that I missed a great deal in these cracks. How could someone take me so high, lift me so high, walk away knowing I had know parachute, knowing my spine was in his back pocket along with his three pack of condoms. I ain’t never had a man hold me the way he held me and told me the way he told me. I heard his voice and when he said it I wanted to cry, when he said my name I wanted to cry.
I heard his voice and even though he didn’t say it in words he said it in deeds and my heart, my mind, my body and soul was pleased. I ain’t never been in better shape. Sculptured arms and legs, like a dancer in her prime. I enter stage left with Forrest on my arm, my very good friend really nice lover. I am working my little black dress I knew he was going to be there. He standing wearing that smile he wears so well and I notice him noticing me. Opportunity came and I was right there with it, eye to eye words flew from off my mind into his ears and he was feeling me, I felt him feeling me. And soon it was he and I, dancing close moving slow and then fast. I was here and he was there and I was there he was here. Together and everyone loved it, till they didn’t have it and man, tables started to turn and I found him chasing me and I was running. Then he caught me and it hurt but it felt so good, cause I thought loved hurt sometimes and I didn’t have a better daddy in mind. The hitting hurt, but to know he was doing it out of love…..He needed me so, that he didn’t want to let me go. Spot light on us again. I needed to feel needed from him the chosen one. I wanted him to be my everything I put it all in his hands. I told him I wanted him to be my everything, I told him I was putting myself in his hands and we danced. I was tired, told him that too. I watched him fly through the air I don’t think anyone gave him themselves like I did, I trusted him and he painted me, he put me on a shelf. He visited me ever now and again and then he put me on a shelf. And that shit hurted more than anything, I didn’t want to be put on no damn shelf, I wanted to be right there wit him.
Lover’s flame, baby he had a name and so did I. I wanted that lover’s flame, and of course I didn’t think I get burnt…….
I remember the first time I saw him, the hawk was kicking up something awful it was at night cause me and Forrest was bout to hit the waterhole a little hole in the wall we go to every now and then to let off some steam and as we was pulling out he was standing there wearing a mean ass look and I laughed cause we was high and there was nuthin’ else for me to do but laugh, he thought we was bout to hit him, and baby if I knew now what I didn’t then even though Forrest was driving I would of put that peddle to the metal and sent him to the moon. Cause that nigga hurt me, he hurt my soul and if you ever had your soul hurt baby, I know you wit me. Standing there looking like a dark angel by his dark truck.
I loves me a man’s man you know what I mean? I ain’t talking no gay shit, Yes I know how that’s in fashion. Honey, I’m talking about everything bout this man is man. His features, the way he move, what he wears, drives, ride. Yes he had a reputation, a trail and if I couldn’t smell the tail on him I’d past him by (wit my eyes close). Dis nigga was so cool though, he ain’t take none of the bait I put out there, he made me come to him which I didn’t mind doing. Forrest told me how that makes a man’s ego feel fo a woman that he wanted to make the first move, shit I wasn’t know stranger to doing that in the first place. I was always the kind of person to go get what I want, or rather making what I want, want me. So after smiles back and fourth I asks when he was gonna let me take his truck fo a ride. Then we was riding ever since, hot and heavy...It couldn’t of lasted long without trouble, that mutherfucker finds it way in somehow some kind of way trouble creeps in no matter how things be going, or what kind of understanding we suppose to have it creeps its way in.
Hot and heavy fooled us, it fooled us both. We forgot who we was and more importantly who we was dealing wit. We got lost in lover’s flame and forgot the game dat had us where we were in the first place, you feel me? Both of us had reputations. He did his thing cause that’s what he been doing and I did my thang cause hell that’s what I been doing and neither one of us wanted the other to be doing their thang. And boy did things change, he pissed me off, I got him back. He got pissed off and went up side my head, I left went to another, he came and got me then left me for another. In between the lovin’, the fightin’, the drinkin’ and duckin’ we both was still doing our thang and them lover’s flame turned into more of like as Tracey Chapman puts it “Smoke and Ashes”. Now I wants to be wit him more than anything but when I’m wit him I can’t think of nuthin’ but the spinning. I want to be touched by him more than anyone I have ever known, but when he touch me alls I can think about is where his hands done been? When I’m wit him ridin’ I be wanting to kiss his neck, I be wanting to be all under him, but I can’t help watching his eyes to see what he watching. We use to do nuthin’ but laugh but I can’t even talk wit him don’t know what to say, how to say it or even if he wants to hear it. I be wanting to feels his hands on the side of my neck, then round the back of my neck going up to the back of my head. I be wanting to feel them lips of his on my lips saying thing in my ears and I ain’t talking bout sex, I ain’t talking bout when we be makin’ love. I’m talking’ bout just in passin’ you know. But I hate showin’ him I be wantin’ to be touched by him.
I hate feelin’ like I’m needin what he ain’t givin’ me on his own. I got an ego too and she likes to be feed too. He feed her at first now if he ain’t busy he toss her a couple of Scooby snacks and think she not gone go try and get full………
I tell ya this man be peddling some strange kinda love. He opened up his over coat and had everything a sistah like me could ever want yes sir it all looked good, shinny and new. Not a stain on his blang you dig me? Nuthin’ ghetto or shabby, he had it all down, hook, line and sinker. Smooth cat, big dog, the ladies man. Had a sistah like me displaying jealousy hanging all out the bag! You hear me? Caught myself saying shit I would have slap the shit out of another sistah for saying and telling her , “Bitch are you crazy?” (Look at you, saying stuff like what?). Okay like when I knew what I knew I was like that song “I don’t care bout those others girls just be good to me” (shit ain’t funny you been there too). Know what really isn’t funny is when he put his hand on me and I began making excuses like to myself so I can feel good about not wanting to leave him alone. More and more of the shine came off had me questioning what should of been my first question, the quality.
Truth be told I wasn’t thinking bout quality, I was thinking bout working out, you feel me and like I said before I ain’t never been in better shape. He had me bending and spinning, running and turning, leaping and creepin (see how I got that one in there). Yes sir a dancer in her prime, now sittin’ here on this hardwood flo’ whining bout being a mess.
Whining bout the span of my reach, arch in my back, nose damn near touching the flo’ smelling this lamination reaching inside of me pulling at my gut, heart grabbing at my ankles. Bending like leaves in the rain twisted.
Knowing I’m missing it, hatin’ the thought of wanting it that...that… StrangeLove.
Dozens of Frequently Asked Questions regarding Pathological Narcissism, relationships with abusive narcissists, and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
“Being a couple yet free is our next challenge on the evolutionary ladder. This book successfully helps us unravel the myths that block that achievement. It does it with warmth, with readability, and with balance. It recreates everyday problems and
