My New Best Friend Forever

I have a list of things that I would like to do in my lifetime. Slowly but surely I am ticking things off “The List” as I progress in years. I never dreamed that I would be a guest in the audience of the famous talk show host, Oprah.  Of course it was on The List, but it was equated to something like when my teenage sons begin bathing everyday. Everyone knows that in order to be a guest on a big deal talk show you have to know someone, who knows someone who can get you a ticket. Well...........I know Tim P., Mr. Energizer, who knows someone who knows someone and the rest is history.

My dear friend and I are to attend the afternoon taping of an Oprah show.   We arrive promptly at ten to wait in line. What luck!! We are practically in the front of the line.  However, we find to our dismay that people in front of us are saving spots for their very dearest friends. My dear friend holds me back as I begin to grouse and complain. She is a good sport reasoning that we would have done the same thing if we had thought of it and if we had anyone to stand in line for us (which would require us to have friends in the area).   We enter at about eleven and find that we have to practically strip down to our undies, no cameras, cell phones, guns, the usual drill when encountering famous people. We are next ushered into a holding area where we are treated to many wall photos of Oprah with other equally famous and interesting people. After two hours we are called in groups to enter the studio. Finally our luck has turned, we are number forty-two!! Wrong again.  Dismayed to find that "important people" with high fashion outfits are called into the studio before us, where their seats are reserved. Number forty-one had twelve people alone in their group.  Even more dismayed to find that I am wearing the incorrect outfit.......yikes, everyone looks like a high fashion Easter egg.  I resemble the typical Birkenstock Northwest hippie with homemade scarf, green top and jeans, only missing hiking boots. The last time that I can remember making an unfortunate fashion choice was when I dressed in a suede purple mini dress for a day wedding. I can assure my followers that there was a complete miscommunication on the bride’s part. However, I digress. Fortunately my dear friend looks fabulous, so all is not lost.

Enter studio to find all front row seats taken by Easter egg people. Curse under my breath and push people out of my way to get to railing on the aisle where the famous talk show host usually walks into the studio. Congratulate myself only to have dear friend ask what possessed me to choose these seats.  Point out the obvious fact that not only will we be on television but Oprah shakes the hands of people who foist themselves over the rail. Dear friend dryly responds that my idea is a good one but we are on the rail on the wrong side of the studio. Completely lose control and bark at dear friend for not telling me where to sit when I entered the studio. After Studio Prepper-Upper finishes exciting us to a near frenzy........Oprah enters. She is looking fabulous and wearing jeans!! Ha, I am wearing the right outfit after all, well the jeans anyway. Find to my surprise that dear friend and I are privy to Oprah’s fashion fopah. We see her rear parts every time she stands up and sits down.  She has the same problem as all the rest of us with curves, the low pants style show most of ones behind when sitting down. My husband suggested that perhaps I should have taken a picture for the Star or the Enquirer. Point out that Oprah and I are tight, and I would never humiliate my girlfriend in such a way.

I believe the theme of the show was “Pets and why we love them” but I was too excited to take much notice. I was practicing all of my many facial expressions so as to be camera ready. Oprah went straight into the After-Show but I really never knew when the show started and when the show ended. I just know that we were there for two surreal hours. It was absolutely on my top ten of wonderful things that I have done.