Let’s Invite the Entire Class
Yesterday was Lexi’s ninth birthday. Felt I should throw a large shindig for her, as she was absent from all of her friends last year when we lived abroad. Invited no less than sixteen children thinking about half would attend as today was teacher in service day. Incorrectly assumed that parents would be traveling with their little darlings to take advantage of the three day weekend. Large mistake on my part. Allowed Lexi to invite boys....another large mistake on my part. Hired my son, Conner and his friend Joe to help with party....final large mistake.
Parents drop off their children promptly and race away as fast as possible. Tell new arrivals that our first exciting project will be the making of applesauce. I myself am enamored with my new apple peeler, can see no reason why the children will not enjoy this primitive activity. All children stare at me incredulously making me question my own sanity. Some children outright refuse the delights of the apple peeler. I send these wayward soles outside for a rousing game of twister with Conner and Joe. Finish up with apple peeler and find the kids playing twister have mutinied and are demanding a game of “hide the rag” or “capture the flag”, I don’t recall. Am still smarting over curt dismissal of most of the children from the applesauce caper.
Put Conner and Joe in charge of “capture the rag”. Conner suddenly becomes shy and can’t recall directions to game. Shout for Joe to take charge at which point he calmly gives instructions to the savages. Cousin Kim and I retire to porch where she reads a magazine and I read the paper. All is going well from the sound of things. Exactly one hour later all savages claim that they are ravenous for dinner. Feed them half cooked pizza while Kim turns oven on high which of course burns the remainder of the pizza. Serve burnt/raw pizza and fruit salad completely forgetting about the applesauce on the stove. This was Cousin Kim’s responsibility. Come back to kitchen to find pot on fire and applesauce beyond repair. Cousin Kim suggests that perhaps it is time for “mothers little helper”. This is a fail safe remedy for mothers in distress; it does involve some imbibing of alcohol.
It is time for the piñata. Find plastic bat does not do nearly enough damage to the piñata. Move up to the wooden bat. Reserve titanium bat for last resort. One of the boys takes a mighty swing and puts a small hole in the piñata. Savages descend upon piñata like mad dogs. One child beats another on the back with bat in order to secure a closer spot to the candy which has now scattered on the ground. Cousin Kim comes down on him like a harpy and he sulks away but not before offering us some of his take. Assume this is his way of apologizing for his obnoxious behavior.
Retire to carriage house for cake and ice-cream. Children enthusiastically wolf down cake and demand drinks. Seriously consider giving them “mothers little helper”. Cousin Kim instructs one of the savages to pass out the napkins. He replies, “No, you do it”. Kim responds in kind and takes another sip of “mothers little helper”. Things have gone from bad to worse. Now savages are full of sugar and crazy for another rousing game of “hide the rag”. We are counting down the hours. It is now 5:45. All children run around yard and through flower beds while screaming at the top of their lungs. Only one child injures her knee, good odds for the amount of children that are at the party.
Parents begin to arrive at 6:20. Last child leaves at 6:30. All savages thank us in front of their mothers for our kind hospitality. Make mental check list which savages will not make the cut on the next guest list, not that there will be another guest list. Lexi later laments that she really did not have a very good time as there were too many kids. Console myself with the thought that I had good intentions. Unable to comfort myself with; “mothers little helper” as Cousin Kim has dispensed with the remainder of the bottle.
