Johnny writes in his journal while eating lunch at school.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007, 1:00 p.m., D.S.T.~
Dear Journal~
Johnny writing again. I hope this finds you well.
Me, I am okay, but I am depressed. Oh, Rebekkah is doing better and all (I am glad of that; she had me worried for a while, as did her sister, Maddie; she's dong better, too), but I am worrird, worried about daddy.
Daddy goes into the hospital tomorrow; he is due to have back surgery on Thursday morning (early, like about 7), and I am worried that something bad will happen to him, like he'll die or end up paralyzed and in a chair. I don't know if I could handle that...
I am trying to be positive, but daddy's had three back surgeries before, and they didn't do him any good. He is still in pain, and he is still suffering. Why should this time be any different??
I am currently eating lunch in the cafeteria; having mystery meat (it's really meat loaf, but don't tell anyone I know!), green beans, mashed potatoes that are rather runny, carrot cake for dessert, and chocolate milk. It's not too bad, but the potatoes are a bit on the disgusting side, if you know what I mean. *grins*
The lunch lady is helping me eat. I can't really eat by myself because of my darn MD. It's embarrassing to have the other kids look at me while the lunch lady feeds me. It's like I'm a big baby or something.
My MD is behaving itself for the most part, but I am still not doing any better; if anything I'll end up getting worse. That's a drag, btut mommy is always telling me that I don't have to worry about when I die 'cause I'll se Jesus. That's great, but I'd really like to grow up, have a family, get a car, get a job, or graduate from college. That'd be too cool!
The weather does little to help my mood. It's cloudy, and it's cold. I am bundled in two shirts and I am still freezing my a** off. BRR! It doesn't take much to get ME cold because I am so skinny!
Because of the weather, baseball practice for today has been canceled. More reason to make me depressed. I was so looking forward to seeing my baseball compadres again, looking forward to the start of a whole new season! Now I'll have to wait until it warms up (hopefully by this weekend).
Mommy is home from work; she's taking some well deserved time off. She has been working doubles lately, and she's way past the point of exhaustion. She is going to concentrate on being with daddy when he has his surgery and take care of him when he comes back home from teh hospital, and take care of all of us, too.
I heard from my brother Erick. He's doing good; he got a new car; and he's working at a delicatessen. He loves it. He got himself a new 2007 Hummer H3; it's victory red, and he sent me a pic of it. It's cool, he said. I am missing him; I wish he'd come to see me before I get any worse with this MD! I don't want to die before he comes to see me; that'd be awful 'cause I never got to say goodbye!
I also heard from my friend Myles, who I met at MDA camp over five years ago. He's still living, but he's totatlly dependent on others nad is now on a ventilator. Very depressing news. Yet his attitude is good, and he sent me a pic of himself. He looks like he always did, only older, and bigger, and now he has that stupid respirator tube attached to him, looks like a long blue snake, makes me think of how sick he really is, and it's upsetting.
I wonder how long he'll last. It doesn't look like much longer, I'm afraid. Bummer.
Yesterday a girl named Yasinthia asked me for a date. I declined; I didn't know how her family would take to me because I'm in a chair and am on oxygen a lot of the time. I mean, people sometimes act so stupid around me. They find out I am in a chair or have muscular dystrophy, and they act all sad around me. I don't NEED that crap, I need to be loved or accepted, and be treated NORMALLY! I'm just a kid, a kid who didn't dsserve this stupid disease!
I tell ya, life sure isn't fair!!
Well, I just managed to piss myself again, I'm all wet between the legs. Either my catheter sprung a leak, or I reeeeeeeeallllllly had to go. NICE. What else is going to happen??
I hope Johnny's day improves, it is a real bummer when everything
goes wrong...good writing Karen
love and peace,
Carole~
Reviewed by d. k
4/10/2007
Awww........it sounds like dear Johnny is having one of those "upside down kinda days." That's my way of saying a rather lousy day! I sure hope he perks up soon! Great write my friend!
Very real and I could feel the frustration as if it were my own Karen. No one knows how much suffering some of these kids go through just to get that one more day,week or month in. Breaks my heart.
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