M'Buti's feelings on the events of April 16, 2007, where 33 people were brutally massacred at a college in Virginia.
Weds., April 18, 2007, 6:37 a.m., D.S.T.~
Dear Journal~
M'Buti here. I am sitting here, watching my beloved sleep, wishing I could do the same as my mind is full. Always is, but it seems to be more so nowadays.
The house is quiet; all the children are asleep, even the cats are asleep. Very peaceful, unlike the mood of my heart. My heart is a maelstrom of conflicting feelings. My heart is breaking; I don't know what the world is coming to; the world is rapidly descending into madness. My mind is a tangle of emotions; I can't concentrate, I can't think.
Two days ago, our country was rocked by the worst school shooting in history: on a calm Monday morning in mid April, April 16, to be exact, a gunman opened fire on faculty and students at Virginia Tech. He ended up killing thirty two of them before turning the gun on himself and killing himself after he shot himself in the head. It was very tragic.
I don't know what to think or say, except that my heart is bleedng for those affected. What would drive a person to do something like this, something so horific, soemthing so--evil?? What was he thinking; what was the motive behind the shootings in the first place? I just don't understand, I want to understand, I need to understand, but the truth of the matter is this: I can't.
I'm more confused now than ever. (Doesn't take much to do this; I'm already confused enough on a normal basis!)
Suddenly I fear for my kids; what is the world going to be like when the twins start school later this year? What horrors will await them? What about when the triplets start school? Will I end up having to become a homeschool instructor because I fear fro the safety of the kids? Schools used to be halls of learning; now they are quickly becoming killing wastelands over which teachers or school authorities have no control. It's scary to think about, scary to comprehend!
It's as if nobody cares because nobody is doing a fucking thisg in order to solve the problems gripping our schools, our kids, our country, our very lives!!
Sometimes I wish I had never even left Africa; I felt so much safer there!!
I would write more, but I am crying too hard; can't hardly see for all the tears that are raining from my eyes; it's a regular cloudburst...
A lot of people are confused; they don't get it. What happened is another indication that we are past the point of rescue ... man has always been violent; they will continue to be; man's heart seems to have hardened beyond a capacity to love ... we've grown apathetic and cold. It takes a tragedy of monumental proportions to "move" us any more ... and then, only temporary ... M'Buti's lines reflect her sadness and confusion. Well done.
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