Dr. Wright puts in another entry into his new journal, enjoying the day off from work. (He just woke up.)
April 30, 2007, nearly 10 in the morning, Nashville, Tennessee~
Dear Journal~
Good morrrrrrrrrrrning! *girns* T'is Doctor Wright here; I just woke up!
I'm off work today; going to spend it with my family: my dear wife Sarah, our daughters Emma and Brooklyn, and our brand new sons Mwugu and Rheese. Our daughters were adopted from China over a year ago, and they are both so beautiful! Brooklyn is six, and her sister, Emma, three. Our son Mwugu is adopted too (he's frmm Africa); he is five years old; he was adopted several months back. As for baby Rheese, he is just over two months old, and he looks a lot like me.
I now have a Mini-me. *grins*
Now that I have been medicated and my catheter bag has been changed (ahhhh!), I can continue. I am right now sitting on the edge of my bed, writing this down, listening to the breakfast sounds coming from the kitchen. Sarah is making French toast, coffee, and scrambled eggs; shouldn't be long before the smells start tickling my nostrils, and then I'll have to haul myself to the kitchen, drooling like an overgrown puppy! LOL
I should be hearing from Audrey and her family anytime; they left for Nashville late last week, and I am sure Susie's friend, Rebekkah, is devastated. Ever since she moved to California, Audrey and her family have continued to face huge challenges, challenges that no person has a right to endure. It was there when they met the Cohens. Susie and Rebekkah hit it off immediately, and they have been through so much together; now Susie and her family are coming here. To tell you the truth, I am scared to death.
What if Audrey doesn't like me? What if she decides to break ties with me because she chickened out at the last minute? On the phone, she sounded okay, she seemed glad to talk to me, but we haven't seen each other in person. It was only this year when we found out that we were related, born to the same mother, had the same father. I found out I had a sister I never knew existed. I am still dealing witih the ramifications of it.
What will her kids think when they find out that their uncle is disabled? Will they tease me too, or look down on me, like so many people have seemed to do in the past? Or will they run to me, accept me, welcome me with open arms? I don't know; it's a big "wait-and-see" period in my life.
Will the kids hate me because I can't walk as they can, run as they can, play ball or sports differently? Will they understand why I have to go into the hospital for surgery or treatment of illnesses related to my spina bifida? Will they make rude or inappropriate comments regarding my personal affairs, or will they just shrug it off and accept me as I am? These are the questions that have been going through my mind. I am suddenly left feeling scared, confused, vulnerable.
My co-workers have no clue as to what is going on in my life. Of course, it doesn't help that I put on my "everything-is-okay" face, tend to keep my true nature hidden. Oh, I'm an okay guy, I suppose, but I do have my private side that I'd rather not let others know about; this is one of the reasons why I started this journal, so I can express my hidden feelings, get them out in the open, hoping nobody will see (but if that is the case, why in God's name am I doing it on the Internet?? Sometimes, Dr. Wright, you don't have the brains God gave a goose!).
Even my wife Sarah doesn't know a lot of what I have gone through in my life: what she does know is sketchy, and she doesn't know of the pain and surgeries I had as a child, the frequent hospitalizations or doctors' appointments, the cruel tauntings from kids, the kids tripping me as I lurched my way down the hall, the sounds of braces and crutches echoing through the halls as my crippled body slammed to the floor once again, the tears that I've shed as a result of the teasing, the disappointments of having vacations canceled because I fell ill again or ended up in the hospital...
I should tell her what I have had to endure in my life, but I am afraid she'll love me less because I am not the man she wishes she had. I have difficulty with sperm issues (that we had a son is nothing short of a Miracle; we weren't expected to have Rheese, but God intervened, and now we have a beautiful, healthy baby boy!), and I have to have her help me with personal issues (the catheter, the bathing, the wiping my of my butt when I go to the toilet, that sort of thing).
It's embarrassing at times; I don't like her seeing all the scars crisscrossing my lower half, or my thin, sticklike legs, the twisted feet, the wasted muscles. My back is heavily scarred too, and I'd rather not let people see that. When they do, I feel ashamed, helpless, vulnerable.
Sarah knows of my depression, and she's tried to be supportive of me, but when I am having a severe episode, I'd rather have people leave me be, let me wallow in my self pity. Yeah, I know: I'm a big-butt doctor, doctors shouldn't feel that way, doctors are indestructable..well, not this one: I may be a doctor, but I am a human being, and I have feelings, too. I laugh, I cry, I enjoy life to the best of my ability; yet on the inside, I sometimes feel sad, empty, without hope. I guess this is because of my handicap or the things I have had to endure in life, I don't know; but I hate being this way. I really do.
Sarah's suggested that I talk to someone (a psychiatrist, perhaps??), but I don't know if I could do that. Maybe it'd help me in the long run; right now I'm too darned scared to even attempt something like that. I guess I have my pride; pride is what's holding me back.
Well, Sarah is calling, saying that breakfast's on the table. I guess I will have to grab my crutches, haul my body to the kitchen, and enjoy family-time together, again putting on my "everything-is-okay" face, so they don't think something's up with me. I will write in here again; take care, and God bless!
I do have to agree with Joyce, this is a powerful and touching entry
and this character is both strong and vulnerable at the same time...
love this series Karen...
love and peace, Carole
Wow, this entry is touching. I would have to say that this is one of the best entries I've read thus far, nearly had me in tears as I imagined the doctor putting on his happy face, while the entire time he is wrestling with his own emotions. Emotions concerning his appearance, his health, and how he is percieved by others. Great write my friend, enjoyed this much. Again, this is my favorite character! Love em all, but this is my favorite!
Blessings,
Joyce Bowling
Would it be fair to say that it is one of your best? Then again, they all are done so well, but this just jumps straight into one's heart. A really great reading pleasure.
Love and Hugs, B&R
This is AMAZING! I knew there had to be a deeper side to Dr. Wright, so this does not surprise me. I love reading his deepest thoughts. Can't wait to read much more. The Callaways should be in Tennessee by Thursday or Friday. I can't wait to read of his thoughts on meeting his sister.
We all want to be happy and try to be happy, and it is interesting how Dr. Wright started his journal entry on a happy note and digressed to the miseries in his life. It is characteristic of most of us, especially when we have a caring friend willing to listen.
You wrote:
"My co-workers have no clue as to what is going on in my life. Of course, it doesn't help that I put on my "everything-is-okay" face, tend to keep my true nature hidden."
The above passage caught my attention because it tends to characterize most people. Most co-workers or people outside family and close friends rarely know others as they truly are, or the problems they must deal with from day to day.
There is a lot of psychology in your writings, which by the way, are enjoyable to read.
This is powerfully penned; you got into character and let his feelings come to the surface! You delved more into his childhood, a painful past; I'd like to read more about it. Well done!!
Re-Release! No longer back-listed. Return to the Olde Ways. The hustle and bustle of modern day life has brought many of us to a quick fix attitude.This book is for those of you who are fed up; have looked at your life and your loved ones and realize
Re-Release! No longer back-listed. Return to the Olde Ways. The hustle and bustle of modern day life has brought many of us to a quick fix attitude.This book is for those of you who are fed up; have looked at your life and your loved ones and realize
