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Before you say I do! by Jennifer Rankins
Monday, May 7, 2007
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
You can not take someone to the altar to alter him or her.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low-self esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults now, aren't really that important - because they are.
Remember, once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you want a relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn now to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of the most high God, who have decided to share a life together.
Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain, unforgiveness? If you develop any self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and a life, you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking status, sex, wealth and security are the wrong reasons to become married. What keeps a relationship strong? COMMUNICATIONS, INTIMACY, TRUST, A SENSE OF HUMOR, SHARING HOUSEHOLD TASKS, AND A DEEP RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.
Some getaway time without any business or children is always helpful. Daily exchanges such as, a meal together, shared activity, a hug, a phone call, a touch, a special note, love language gifts. Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important as long as you're growing together, and not away from each other. Giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure, and allowing your mate to have outside interest such as physical activities (jogging, cycling, golfing, or reading groups for her, women aglow meetings. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurance of commitment is necessary.
Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family traditions. Respect his/her parents regardless of any past situations. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods.
Remember, for Richer or for Poorer will be communicated in your wedding vows. If these qualities are missing from your relationship with your mate, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain will be replaced for passion. Therefore, nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think, amen!
The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the Word of God stands forever. Isaiah 40:8 ... Amen!
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