That "used to be" me,

from a lifetime ago,

Unshackled and free

and never said "no".

Beautiful skin and

long pretty nails,

have given way

to a pre-menopausal hell.

Hair has become gray and brittle

I dream to lose weight, even just a little.

I look in the mirror, day after day

wondering who it is that stares back at me.

Who’s body wears these plus sized clothes?

It isn’t me, who it is, God only knows.

Mood swings and sweats during the night,

what I’ve become gives me such a fright.

Depression has paved the way

to the person I am today.

Memory lapses scare me so,

when they’ll stop, I don’t know.

I used to be a social-butterfly

stretching my self too thin.

Today, if I go to check my mail,

fear strikes me from within. I might be seen.

I am ashamed of how I "let myself go"

though letting go, insinuates some control.

My daughters continue to grow and I see in their eyes, their beautiful, young eyes, the eagerness to grow up fast.

In my mind, I am still young, rejecting the reflection of my youth that has now past... as seen in that mirror.

But that mirror...

That incriminating , truth reflecting, soul sucking mirror

Is a constant thorn in my side that reminds me.

Life goes on, the world keeps on spinning and the circle of life envelopes us before the fall.

I am not the only one after all. . .

Sandra Ferrara Gentry 2007