Bullying isn't always something suffered at school!
I am but a child who was lonely and scared
For whom I felt that nobody cared,
No-one ever showed any love to me
Not my nan, my dad or my mummy.
They never said anything good in my direction
Or paid me any sort of positive attention
Instead they shouted bad words at me
And pushed me around hurting my knee.
I kept it quiet and covered my marks
As I played with other kids in the parks
I’d fall over and pretend to be hurt
So I could cover my bruises with the dirt
I tried really hard to be ever so good
The rules of the house I really understood
I was to be silent and stay out of their way
Because, just maybe, I won’t get bashed that day.
But things still made me so frightened inside,
As I found a corner of my home in which to hide,
I closed my eyes and wished my parents away
And prayed they didn’t hurt me again that day.
I was at school one day when I couldn’t take anymore
So I hit the nearest child and threw him on the floor
My teacher grabbed my arm and moved me away
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” were the only words I could say.
I knew I was in trouble as I was taken from the room,
I thought they’d get the belt or the stick of a broom,
So I slipped from her grasp and hide under a chair
Closing my eyes and pretending not to care.
I could hear the talking and the cross sounding voice
So I stayed in my hiding place, I had no choice
As the chair was lifted right over my head,
“Don’t hurt me, please,” were the words that I said.
The look of horror on my own teachers face
Made my heart pound at an even faster pace
She didn’t look angry or cross with me
But cried lots of tears absolutely full of pity.
She put out her hand and led me away
To a quiet room where I was allowed to play
She asked me questions and I had to tell truth
About what went on at home under our roof.
I was so worried what mum and dad would say
So I lied as much as I could for part of the day
But my teacher knew I was making things up
As she sat down with her coffee, I just stared at her cup.
She said she knew someone who could help me
Who could make sure I was cared for properly
If I told her enough she could stop the bad things
And all it would take was to give a phone a few rings.
It was really hard trying to start saying a word
I spoke in a voice that could hardly be heard
But my teacher listened with a frown on her face
Giving me lots of time and plenty of space.
She asked my permission to ring her friend
Who could put all this violence and fear to an end
I really didn’t know what mum and dad would say
If they got in trouble because I told things this day.
It was really the next sentence my teacher said
That made everything come flying out of my head
“Did I like the way I was treated by those close to me?
I should be loved and protected by my own family!”
I shook my head and the tears ran down my face,
My home wasn’t very nice but a mean, scary place.
So I pulled myself together and looked her in the eyes,
If she called her friend, I promised no more lies.
She left me in the room to play with the toys,
Whilst she used the phone she sent in some boys,
They talked and chatted about girls and football
They even said that my trainers were ‘cool’.
The teacher soon came back with a smile on her face,
She would take me to see her friend at a special place,
Where we could really talk in comfort and safety
With someone especially trained to listen to me.
So off I went still wondering what to do
Should I tell just one thing or may be two
It seemed such a fuss because it was all my fault
I didn’t behave exactly as mum and dad taught.
But when things were explained clearly to me
It was not my fault I could definitely see
How unreasonable my parents were actually being
Staying invisible is not a very nice way of living.
They sent me to a house where the lady was nice
She cared for me without thinking twice
She never did shout or raise her voice
And said I could stay and it was all my choice.
The lady made everything seem so much better
Until the day she did get a very long letter
She read it to me and it was all about the past
Then said my parents were coming to visit at last.
First my tummy went and then my knees
I thought of running away to hide in some trees
But this nice lady said she’d stay by my side
So there was no reason to run off and hide.
My mum and dad did come for a while
Mum wore her dress and Dad wore a smile
They told me how sorry they were both now
How dad was so nasty and mum was a cow.
They’d had a lot of help to make things better
And the social worker had supported it in her letter
They wanted to spend time with me just to play
So I listened as we kicked the ball around that day.
Weeks went past with them both popping round
To start with I was quiet and didn’t make a sound
But after time my laughter came back to me
That was the day dad fell over and banged his knee.
In the past he would have turned the air bright blue
Then got up especially to hit me with his shoe
But this time he just rolled around on the floor
A changed man just laughing, I knew for sure.
I jumped on him and tickled his neck
When he let out a shriek I thought “Oh heck”
But he rolled me over till the ground I was on
As he whispered in my ear “I’m sorry my son”.
“I’m sorry for the bad thing I said to you,
And for the punches I often gave you too,
I didn’t know I really needed some aid
To not drink beer and start on lemonade
I never meant to lay a hand on your head
And can only thank God that you’re not dead
For I‘d never get this chance with you right now
To be a good Dad and I’ll show you how.
Your mum, I know it wasn’t really her fault
It was the way she’d always known and been taught
Her father never spared any love for her
So she didn’t know how to be a mother.
But now we know and our lessons are learned
Respect and understanding have to be earned
Maybe in months or years still to come
You’ll see for yourself what we have become.
I’m learning to be a dad and control my temper
And I know the past you will always remember
But give us a chance to make it up to you
And maybe it will feel like a bad case of flu
Hopefully the bad times will just fade away
As we live together happily laughing each day
We could play our games and have some fun
‘Cos truly, we really do love you Son.”
It took a long time before home I could go
And the whole process seemed very, very slow
But they wanted to be sure that I’d be alright
And never be left alone or frightened at night.
Finally the day came when I could move back
Dad came with Mum and they both helped me pack
We smiled and laughed and planned our way
To live happily together for each and every day.
Now my dad bounces a child on his knee
Telling me how proud he really is of me
I didn’t do wrong but I did the bravest thing
Letting people know how I lived in a boxing ring.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done
But it was for the best and now I am his son
Not a nuisance who is always in the way
A blight on his existence each and every day
So I look at the child my Dad’s holding tight
And know for sure everything really is alright
The child is mine and I really love him so
And thank God for showing us the way to go.
If you tend to believe romantic, passionate, masculine poetry is a thing of past eras, read "She Intrigues Me," and be swept away in the beautiful craft of a contemporary poet of love.
