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Enduring, Unending Sadness. (September 11, 2001, An Essay) Strong Language! by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Monday, September 10, 2007
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
A woman who lost friends in the attacks of September 11, 2001, lets out her feelings.
I think about the attacks that took my friends away from me forever, and I feel a rush of anger, a never ending sadness that can't be washed away. No tears will ever take away the pain that I now carry in my heart. No amount of praying will ever bring my friends Kellie, Gigi, Eddie, Yannis, or Heather back. They are all dead, gone forever.
I have nightares now, terrible, sleep-interrupting nightmares that rip me from a sound sleep.
I can't tell you how many times I have awakened in the middle of the night, screaming my head off, my heart thudding, my breathing labored and gasping, and feeling like I am about to fall off the edges of the earth.
I close my eyes; all I see are the planes running into the twin towers, first the one, then the other, in twin orange fireballs, seeing the people falling to their deaths below (what choice did they have, really? Burn up or jump, only to die in the end in both instances?), seeing the smoke rising up like pyroclastic flow as the buildings collapsed, and see the bastards in foreign countries celebrating the attacks like the motherfuckers they really are?
I've been told I need to get over it.
I need to go see a psychiatrist. Or so I've been told. Yeah, right. Been there, done that. Doesn't stop the nightmares, doesn't stop the facts that I saw my friends die that awful day.
I still suffer now, and I have had to go on disability; can't handle the stress. I have developed serious health problems. Yet people at the SSI place tell me to get a job, I can work. Yeah, RIGHT. I canNOT work. I can't walk more than a few steps without stopping to rest, my ankles are as big as Dallas they are so swollen, I have congestive heart failure and have to use oxygen, I walk on twin crutches because of worsening arthritis, my blood pressure is through the roof, and I am on the verge of strokin' out.
I tried for four years to get my disability; only got it only six months ago. Even then it's not enough to cover the bills, the cost of medications. After bills/medications, I have nothing left; I eat cat food or canned food (beans, corn, veggies, stew, chili, etc.); can't afford to eat out or eat healthy. My bills take everything!
I'm scared to death that we'll get attacked again. I'm scared that I'll get my disability taken away; people tell me I shouldn't worry like this, but I think of my friends, and I can't help it. I am angry, and people just don't understand. If it weren't for those fuckin' terrorists, I would still have my life, I would still have my friends, and the Twin Towers would still be standing tall in NYC. We would not be fighting a goddamn war that we have no business being in, and we would not be dealing with an incompetent governemnt who doesn't even CARE.
Then people wonder why I am so angry. Well, I AM angry. DAMNED angry. YOU tell me to get over it. Well, I CAN'T.
Never you should dance with a stranger, but we are inviting them inside for some misguided feel of pity.
We said never again, but let the door open.
Georg
Great work Karla. No one can forget. Americans have a right to be angry and to use much stronger language if it helps. I know what I would like to write but you kept it clean so I will....Bless you...JDM
Reviewed by Lewis Findley
9/10/2007
How many more like her indeed? Tragic. It was one of the blackest days in the world. How quick many of the hypocrites (Under Christian or any other Religioius dis-guise) are to point a judgemental finger. Let THEM see their friends die in a terrorist attack and be so quick to judge next time. Karma baby, Karma. Simple as that. I wrote something a while back about the Littleton Tragedy of 42099 where self admitted holocaust revisionists Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold Shot that school up. (Pardon my extensive comment, this for me is not routine) and a young Christian Student acting on his first amendment rights painted inside his lcoked 42099 Jesus wept. And was expelled by the nazi loving Harris and Klebold hugging Pricnipal for this. THis decision was upheld by sone nazi lvoing Harris and Klebold hugging Judge. And we wonder why there is not more violence than there is. We need heavily armed vigilante lynch squad police with absolute authority and absolute zero acountability to prevent such as thisfrom taking place, duly deputized and civilian , to IF ABLE , aid assist the regular police. Its that simple, Again , pardon the extensive review. This for me is not routine. VIGILANTE FORCE BAY-BAY. POLITICALLY INCORRECT AND PROUD OF IT!
