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Shattered Innocence. Warning: Sensitive Subject Matter (For Chanti) by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Monday, September 17, 2007
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
A mother is now paying the time for the crime she did against her very own son, Garver, who is now damaged for the rest of his life.
This is my contribution as a result of ~Chanti's heartbreaking article, "Broken Child". ~Chanti, I hope this helps. I join you in the fight against child abuse. This is why I am dedicating this story to you.
I should have never done what I did. Now because of my actions, I sit here in a lonely prison cell, wondering if I will ever get out again.
I am in jail today because I abused my only child. A little boy named Garver Robert, a beautiful little peanut with cinnamon-red hair and gorgeous blue eyes. I couldn't handle him crying, so I hit him Shook him. Once too often. Now he lies in a hospital, in the pediatric wing, where machines are keeping him alive. He's been there now going on two months, and my world has been shattered.
I thought having a baby would be the greatest thing that ever happened to me. How wrong I was. I was only a teenaged mother; I knew nothing about raising kids. I didn't know that you don't hit a child out of anger, that they don't know why you are angry at them, that you don't shake a baby. Well? I couldn't help it. He wouldn't stop crying, no matter how hard I tried.
I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to stop crying. I wanted him to have the best life possible. Now because of my stupidity--my actions--, he will never have the chance to grow up in a loving environment. He has been taken away from me; I have lost all parental rights to my child. I am now in prison for twenty years plus for attempted murder of a child, physical abuse against a child, and child endangerment. My life as I once knew it is over.
Before I got knocked up by my scum of a boyfriend (it was just innocent sex, I kept telling myself; nothing bad would come out of it), I had it all: I was a cheerleader on the high school football team, I was one of the popular girls, I had friends hanging off me at every corner. Now ever since that party where we decided to have some "fun" (at his insistence, NOT mine), I have lost everything: my friends, my family (they've disowned me; they want nothing to do with me now), my life, and worst of all, my beautiful baby boy, who must now suffer the effects of the abuse I encurred upon him for the rest of his life.
My son is now sightless, phyiscally unable to do even the simplest tasks. He is hooked up to life-sustaining machinery, and he languishes in a suspended state: not quite comatose, but not exactly fully awake either. He's just--existing. He is fed by tubes, he is severely brain damaged, and there is no hope as to whether he will ever recover.
I will never forget the horrible pictures I was forced to look at during my trial for the crime. Now I have to live with that for the rest of my days. I will never forget the hurtful words that slung at me like stones as my family berated me for what I'd done to their little angel.
I will never forget the sound of the gavel as the judge read his sentence or the sound of the cuffs being locked or the forceful way I was taken from the courtroom as I heard people screaming at me: "Child killer!" "Child abuser!" "You ought to be burned with oil for what you done!" "I hope you're proud of yourself: because of your actions, Garver is now handicapped for the rest of his life!" "What were you thinking?"
I won't go into details upon my arrival at the maximum security prison where I am currently housed, but let's just say that I wouldn't wish this kind of punishment on a dog. I still suffer from nightmares, flashbacks, the memories even now. I can't sleep at night because I see the pictures of my baby's broken body, hear the gavel banging against the wooden table in the courtroom, hear the accusations.
I know what I did to my baby was wrong, and now I am going to have to live with it for the rest of my born days.
It is during times like this--the lonely confinement--that it is the worst. It is during times when I wish I didn't even have my little boy.
It warms my heart that Chanti's story and photos didn't went unnoticed. As heart wrenching this story is, it tell us that if we care we can save a child, because all we need is the first.
Georg
A heart wrenching write my friend, too often true for many! You've penned a powerful write that takes a harsh look at reality for so many children...you've captured it well!
Blessings,
Joyce B.
Heart and gut wrenching, but sadly all so true for so many mothers and fathers in this life, who do not seek help when their nerves are so frayed, and then it's too late!
Well done Karen, a good lesson in this for us all to remember. IF we ever see a young Mum or Dad struggling and see the signs, we should offer help or at least alert someone, better to be safe than ignorant...sometimes the person cannot step outside their situation to reach out.
I have had six children and suffered cruel post natal, but i thank God for the times other ppl have seen me so stressed out, and come to my aid, mostly when I was younger. It can happen to the best of us.
TY Honey, God bless you and HUGS
Ch'erie xxxxx
Reviewed by Lewis Findley
9/17/2007
Powerful and Gut Wrenching. ANd perhaps fictitious yet sadly this does happen across america far too often. Bless the Beasts and Children. Amen. Donny
This. Is. Powerful. Shattering. How many parents sit behind bars, wishing they could have 'before' back? How many wish they could hold their little ones in their arms once again? How many wish they could have broken the pattern of abuse they once suffered, vowing never to be like THEIR parents? And of those jailed for abusing their child(ren), how many don't have a soul because of what happened? You make the reader think: well done.
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