Weds., September 26, 2007, 5:29 a.m., Nashville, Tennessee~

Dear Journal~

Wayne here. I am feeling much better physically (I'm over my cold), but spiritually, emotionally, I am quite broken up. I don't know when I've cried so much.

My niece Susan is not doing very well, I'm afraid. She tried to kill herself; she is still hanging on by a precious thread, and it looks like that thread is starting to unravel. I don't know what possessed such a beautiful young girl to try to commit suicide like she did; I have tried to be there for her; others have done the same, and now I feel helpless, utterly helpless. I don't know what to do; I have tried to rely on God during this time, but lately my faith has been waning.

My sister Audrey has been an emotional wreck. I don't blame her. I will have to pray extra, extra hard for her, pray that she stays strong for Susan; Susan needs her mother right now, even in this time of limbo, where she isn't even aware.

Why would a loving God allow someone to go through something like this? Why would He allow a child to attempt to end her life? Children shouldn't be thinking about things like death or dying; they should be taking all the opportunities to enjoy life!

I also have some bad news to report regarding the Sandusky Contingent (it's getting better, but still I wsa in shock when I'd heard about it): Johnathon Sandusky has been in the hospital for the past four days, fighting for his life. He had an episode of status epilepticus (prolonged seizure that can cause brain damage or even death if not treated promptly), and he was in rough, rough shape.

Johnny was in a state of semi-consciousness, but it appears that he is waking up. He has been trying to pull out the tubes in his nose and arms, and he is not a very happy young man right now. Nurses had to restrain his hands to keep him from yanking the tubes out. I called the hospital to see how he is doing; he's sleeping right now, the nurse said, and his vital signs are stable, so that's good.

I don't know how long Johnathon will be in the hospital, but he's improving; that's all that matters. He's been through so much hell in  his brief life on earth, and no child should have to face the hurdles he's had to in life. I fear for him; his body has gotten so fragile, and with having DMD, any medical event (no matter how minor) can be a life-threatening ordeal for him.

My family has been doing well, all things considering, but they're worried about me. The kids hang around me, wanting to give me extra hugs, and Sarah has been trying her best to encourage me. My church family has been stopping by, bringing me food, money, their love. It is very much appreciated.

We are in desperate need of rain here in Nashville: while the sun is pretty to look at, everything is becoming tinder-dry, and there's fear of fires starting up if someone throws a match or cigarette; any small flame can quickly go out of control, especially if winds are involved. We are having to ration our water usage. I keep hoping for rain in the weather forecast, but so far..nothing. Just continued warm temperatures and wall-to-wall sunshine--severe clear. Very discouraging.

The beautifully sunny skies does little to brighten my heavy heart.

Well, I am going to go back to sleep; being off from working until my health settles down  has been a blessing in disquise. Take care and God bless!

~Wayne. :(