The sky was darker than normal for three o'clock in the morning, and the stars were so dim for the clear skythat it look like someone had laid a thick plastic over the earth. Toi pulled at her right thigh hi and straighten out her skirt, when she wore that black skirt she knew her night's lick would be tight, but it was something in the air that made her feel sentimental. Or it might have just been the unusual quietness of that part of her world this morning.
Toi thought of her daughter who she knew was at home fast asleep, and she thought of the worry and fear that her daughter had inherited from her. Toi wondered if she was that way as a child, playing with one eye opened, and walking on egg shells, because of her step-father. But her daughter had nothing to worry about Toi knew she would never bring a man in her daughter's life not at least until she was old enough to drive, just in case Toi had gotten a bite of a stupid pill. Toi real father hadn't thought she was good enough, important enough, or loveable enough to stay around so she had better be lucky and thank her lucky stars that she even got a second chance to have a daddy. She could remember the first time her new daddy held her hand in his and how big they were, how strong they were.
He was as tall as the sky, and he could lift her as if she was nothing and he took care of her and she loved him, she had loved him so much, he had been her hero. And she remember she loved her special time with her hero, when he would hold her tight and squezze her tight when there was no one around. Love....Toi said aloud and smile the only sarcastical smile the world has ever seen. Love....that shit spreads cause when he loved her everyone followed, her older brothers, her male cousins, and uncles.
Toi cleared the moistness that had sprung-up out of no where, she turned to the "closed for the night" Chevolet truck dealer office window to check her face and found her nineteen-year-old self looking into the eyes of a fourteen year-old girl who had went from playing football in the park to a fraighten dame who was afraid to show her face, who was afraid of being touch. She was a fraek of nature!!!
Toi remembered how she could feel eyes on her all the time even when she was alone in the privacy of the bathroom, so she would cover the window with the guest towels and she hung her clothes on the doorknob so know eye could see through, she'd open the medicine cabinet because she didn't even want to see herself.
But the hardest thing for her was the fact that she knew her mother hated her and she didn't know why.....she never told Toi anything about anything. Toi remeber when she was twelve standing in her favorite place screaming til her breath cracked the window and her ex-hero broke down the door to find her standing with her panties around her ankles and blood stuck to the core em' and on the tissue she was holding and she was totaly clueless.
Toi closed her eyes then opened them fast and shook her head, damn what the fuck was she thinking it was stupid shit like that that got bitches killed out there. Toi looked around and noticed another girl on the oppisite side of the street she was struting with a skin tight cat suit on and long blonde flowing wig, Toi smiled to herself caused she knew that that bitch didn't have anything on her, she'd be lucky to even make her quota, she had picked the wrong track to get her stroll on. Once a John saw Toi and her thick ass thighs and her round ass, leading up to her small waist and minture round kisses he'd be sprung, and his money spent.
Toi loved the mornings when it had rained eariler and she would be walking on diamonds. The diamonds would light up the empty fields and the streets along the curbs and in front of run down buildings. And the black streets would shine, and she was a star bright and everyone had to stop. Car after car and she would take them to hieghts unmentionble til it was time to go home.
When the car door closed with her last fifty she collected, she high tailed it to her Ford Mustange that had been parked behind the lot of her friend Willie's house (a married man she see on a regular basis who stay in her business area), she drove home with the sun coming up. She thought about how she use to hate the sun for going down. Why couldn't the sun stay and keep her safe? The sun was a reminder of the hurt, pain, embarressment and confusion that was stuck to the insides of her body. That know soap, deodorant,fragrance or whack ass shrink could get rid of.
She thought about the first time she knew......the first time she laid still with her leggs squeezed together while her play uncle laid on top of her with his penis rubbing against her hole and afterwards she got a whole twenty dollars, the same way her ex-hero use to hold her, and her brothers and cousins use to try to do, she said fuck it momma won't buy me school clothes....momma won't give me money to go on school trips....momma won't get me a car....Toi was making so much money she had to get a job to cover it so fastfood there she went, and it (the fastfood world) never knew what had hit it. Toi did the boss so good that she didn't even have to show up half the time and after a while she said fuck hiding it, she was sixteen and in two years she was going to be eighteen and it wouldn't be know stopping her.
Toi had stopped going to school and had already had some cops, teachers, firefighters and even a judge on her list. Some had even tried to make an honest woman of her and maybe if she didn't have her daughter she would have taken them up, but men just couldn't be trusted. She knew they were probably lying to some poor female who was giving them their all heart, body and soul......and soul. And they were out there with me...
Toi drove six miles from her job site home and she pulled into the driveway, went to the side door unlocked it and went in. Mrs. wilson was standing in the kitchen making a pot of water for coffee, Hi sweetie she said with a bright smile in her voice, Mrs. Wilson was a retired housewife her husband had died and she was about to lose the house that they were living in, Toi meet her when she was in search of a live-in babysitter, just so happen she needed dow and Toi needed a place to stay and a babysitter. It bothered her at first to know what it was that Toi did but after hearing her story, seeing little Destiny, and needing the money she couldn't turn Toi down or away. Plus Mrs. Wilson knew that she could somewhat be the mother to both these little girls and maybe make a difference in one of their lives.
Toi looked in the room as her daughter was sleeping, she was nine, had everything she could want, and Toi knew she was spoiled but she wasn't rude or mean, she was just spoiled she was just used to getting her way or whatever it was that she wanted...but that wasn't why Toi was smiling she was smiling because she knew that her daughter was set, she had already had a bank account in her name, life insurance that she could cash in at eighteen,a car in the garage,and if anything had happened to her mother she would be in the money for sure. All her baby had to do was go to school...and the world was hers she didn't have to be embarressed, she didn't have to hurt, be scard of the sun going down or nothing...
And the years and the days went by so fast and Toi saw herself standing in front of a sixteen year-old girl who was now questioning her about what is it that you say you do now mother??? Why can't I call you at work mother???? My grandmother says...... Some boys in my school says.....And Toi thought she did a good job of lying and hiding...
And she was now crying and drinking and standing behind bars because she wasn't going to give-out any freebies to this young cocky officer and his parnter, and she wasn't going to stop to be some judge mistress and only his.... Now she was standing there behind those bars crying with a picture of Destiny young beautiful golden body laying there naked with a purple silk stocking around her neck....cause she wanted to be a lady salesman like her...Toi only had one week to go to the truth....
Whoa, Nellie, you nailed this one Mitzi. Thank goodness all prostitutes don't follow this path.
Ron
Reviewed by John Reilly
5/10/2002
Mitzi this is some sad horrible shit
Tough to read but a great write
Reviewed by WaymonB (visitor)
5/7/2002
"A mirror has two sides." This story make you see how life truely maybe when it's constantly hidden from plain view by routine chaos which surrounds us daily.
This story shows life as it is. Not sugar coating a thing. An open heart telling an open story. But things do get better at least and this has to change to.
And then the thoughts and ideas can change
if we want that to happen. Bill :))))))))))))))
Reviewed by Cathy Montgomery
4/6/2002
Deeply moving...and true to life. Heart wrenching ending...
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